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• Jeremy Piven, now fully recovered from his bout with mercury poisoning, has been squiring lots of women around town in recent days. He was out with "a super-pretty African American girl" last Friday; a day later, he was at the Rangers season opener with "a gorgeous blond." Let this be another reminder, however, that short, balding guys can date whoever they want as long as they're on a hit TV show. [P6]
• Producers for Tinsley Mortimer's reality show are reportedly having a hard time getting her friends to sign on. Peter Davis, the Tinz's half-brother-in-law, wrote on Facebook that he has "zero interest in playing a warped, twisted version of myself on television." And socialites Zani Gugelmann and Dani Stahl have also passed. So far the only person confirmed is her sister, Dabney Mercer. So does that mean her ex, Topper Mortimer, is out, too? [P6]
• Padma Lakshmi has said she'd like to keep her pregnancy a private matter. And judging by pictures of her at various parties this week, she's barely showing. But none of that stopped her from telling a reporter that she needs to keep her belly "really lubricated" these days: "Every morning, there's a buttering ceremony after I get out of the shower," she said. "It's really like basting a turkey with body butter." [People]

• Tyra Banks graciously turned down champagne the other night while dining with boyfriend Johnny Utendahl. One possible explanation: She's abstaining to keep her weight down. Another: the girl's got to be pregnant. [P6]
• Lindsay Lohan is hooked on prescription painkillers, or so says her attention-seeking dad, Michael Lohan. "You know why Lindsay's not acting in feature films right now? Because she can't," he supposedly said. "You hug her and she's, like, vacant inside." It must be hereditary. [The Sun]
• Brad Pitt and Jen Aniston recently met up on the sly at Essex House so he could bitch to her about his relationship issues with Angelina. What? Well, that's what Grazia magazine is reporting, adding that the couple's relationship is "all but over." But you've heard that one before, haven't you? [Daily Mail]
• Jesus Luz has been reportedly telling friends that Madonna's recent comments—that she'd rather get hit by a train than get married again, for example—have "made him seem stupid" for thinking he was in a serious relationship with her. Hey, he said it. [The Sun]
• The Real Housewives of New Jersey are coming back for another season, but Bravo hasn't announced which of the original Jersey girls will be back. In other Housewives news, Bethenny Frankel is pissed that none of her co-stars bothered to call her to congratulate her on getting her own reality show on Bravo. Jealous bitches. [NYP, NYDN]
• Courtney Love, kissing bandit: After performing at Carnegie Hall with U2 and Lady Gaga Sunday, Love tweeted, "I have kissed a lot of rock stars in my time but never so many as the last 24 hours." She reportedly smooched Bono, The Edge, and Scarlett Johansson backstage. It's unclear if any of them tried to avoid it. [P6]
• Breaking: Mariah Carey is all kinds of high-maintenance on tour. [MSNBC]
• Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo may have worked things out (for now), but Nick's still avoiding awkward run-ins with his ex-wife. He and Vanessa "insisted on leaving through a side door to avoid a scene" when Jessica Simpson arrived in Vegas to celebrate her sister Ashlee's birthday. [P6]
• R&B singer Usher filed for divorce from wife Tameka Raymond, but now he's supposedly holding up the process. "The terms and conditions have been agreed upon for around a month but he keeps stalling on [signing the divorce papers]," a source said. Meanwhile, he released his latest single about those same documents, entitled "Papers," on Monday. [Radar]
• Alex Rodriguez and Kate Hudson were spotted having a little lovefest. The two were said to be "giggling, staring into each other's eyes, and Alex was playfully kissing Kate's hands" over lunch at Serafina on Monday. Barf. [P6]
• Did Frances Bean Cobain written an open letter to Ali Lohan? She might have! You can read it here. [Twerbose]
• Katy Perry brought Russell Brand to a Fendi party in Paris. He looked like a deer in headlights. [The Sun, Daily Mail]
• The people who own the Tarzana, California, house that Kevin Federline used to live in say he didn't pay the last six months' rent and he caused serious damage to their home. He allegedly left spit marks on the paint, drew on the walls, and (our favorite) tinted the windows in the master bedroom. Stay classy, K-Fed. [TMZ]
• Tom DeLay quit Dancing With the Stars because he has stress fractures in both feet. Thankfully, he's been invited back to perform the Texas two-step on the season finale when he's recovered. [Us]
• Nicole Richie survived her fender-bender with paparazzi the other day. And thank God for that. [People]
• Chris Rock was slapped with a $5 million plagiarism lawsuit. Director Regina Kimbell claims Rock's new documentary Good Hair ripped off her 2005 film Nappy Roots. [NYDN]
• Mel Gibson's DUI was expunged from his record. [TMZ]
• Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson shared another late-night meal in Vancouver. (Before you get all excited, other friends and their managers were there, too.) But when they got to their hotel, he reportedly used his body as a human shield to block paparazzi from photographing her, so it's now "very clear Rob and Kristen are a couple." [People]
• Lady Gaga and Madonna got into a dance-off at Madge's manager's birthday party at Submercer when the deejay started alternating "Holiday" and "Poker Face." Madonna won, not surprisingly. [P6]
• Elizabeth Taylor is having heart surgery, and she's tellin geveryone about it on Twitter. [TMZ, NYDN]
• Jon Gosselin's therapist told him he went from "32 to 23." Sounds about right. Except he's trapped in the body of a doughy 45-year-old man. [Us]
• Levi Johnston's going to be in Playgirl, and he's working out six days a week to prepare for it. A guy's gotta have aspirations, right? [Us]
• Four things you should know about the David Letterman sex scandal, if you care for an update: 1) Sources have said that Joe Halderman's extortion attempt wasn't about the money alone, but "it was about making Letterman miserable"; 2) Stephanie Birkitt's 90-year-old grandmother is convinced her sweet, innocent granddaughter never had sex with Letterman. "They were just good friends," she said; 3) Birkitt supposedly wrote "trashy" love letters to Dave that have yet to be leaked; and 4) Monday's Late Show snagged 5.7 million viewers, proving that while Letterman may have been inconvenienced by this whole thing, he's now kicking the crap out of Jay Leno. [NYP]