On tonight's Watch What Happens Live, Andy Cohen hosted Cougar Town Executive Producer David Arquette, who is quite the character. Within a half hour of slightly unhinged chuckling, Arquette explained a run-in that he had with some folks from the Westboro Baptist Church while they were picketing the Super Bowl. They made sure to damn him to Hell but considering their mixed up ideology, that might not be such a bad thing.

Tom Cruise's Rock of Ages dance training was a revelation. Dr. Conrad Murray is on suicide watch. Amber Rose says Kim Kardashian totally banged Kanye. Pregnant Jessica Simpson "crave[s] cantaloupe like a crazy person." Tuesday gossip can't control its urges.

The celebrities have begun trickling out of their castles, mansions, and forest lairs to host or hit up Halloween parties, collect their high-calorie holiday booty, and inspire jealousy-driven shut-ins like us to mock their outfits.

The Scream couple are working in Hollywood together. Also today: Lifetime remakes a modern Southern classic, some exciting Game of Thrones news, and HBO scoops up Liberace.

Newly minted Dancing with the Stars contestant David Arquette was on tonight's Late Show. Arquette talked to David Letterman about being sober from alcohol, reconciling with estranged wife Courteney Cox, being enamored with fellow DWTS contestant Rob Kardashian's "great ass" (it's true, his ass is pretty spectacular), being scared of Nancy Grace, and more. But mostly, he just giggled. A lot! Check out our video of the interview's best four minutes above.

Tom Felton has a record deal and a song about Hawaii. Jessica Simpson makes out with a purse. Mila Kunis compares sex to communism. The Black Eyed Peas take an "indefinite break." Tuesday gossip starts from scratch.

Jesse James is still around. Nicollette Sheridan is still really upset about being fired from Desperate Housewives. David Arquette has "clean" hands. And Rupert Murdoch paid Sienna Miller for hacking her phone. Saturday gossip is all about payback.

Lady Gaga's "retarded" gaffe was "furiously unintentional." Jerry Seinfeld gets in a pissing match with Donald Trump. Lauren Bush wants to take fiance David Lauren's last name. Thursday gossip has regrets.

Matthew Morrison flees his rat-infested home. Nicolas Cage's binge-drinking weekend melee gets weirder. David Hasselhoff is "in like" with a woman half his age. Halle Berry's custody battle forces her to quit a play. Monday gossip is filthy.

Kimora Lee gets uncomfortably honest about weight loss. Jessica Simpson uses her boobs to get out of parking tickets. 94-year-old Zsa Zsa Gabor may be a mother again. TGIFriday gossip.

Tiger Woods' gentle path is in danger. Courteney Cox and David Arquette reunite. Renee Zellweger dumped Bradley because he wouldn't propose. Britney Spears gets a tutor. Monday gossip backslides.

Courtney Love offers to "take a metal straw" to Kurt Cobain's remains. Charlie Sheen enters the t-shirt business. Gilbert Gottfried regrets his tsunami jokes. Joe Jonas swears he's not gay. Wednesday gossip communes with the beyond.

• David Arquette was involved in a head-on collision in LA and suffered a minor injured. Thank god someone was there with a cellphone camera to capture him sprawled on the ground seconds after the crash, then immediately send the picture to TMZ. "David is lying on the ground right now—bleeding" wrote TMZ. You can always count on good samaritans. Anyway, Arquette later tweeted "I'm fine," so we don't have to have a national convulsion over the fact that millions of people gawked at his tragedy while eating their Chipotle on lunch break. (PS: WEAR YOUR SEATBELT.) [TMZ, TMZ]

David Arquette gave his first post-rehab interview to Oprah, and it turns out he was a beer-swilling smoking baby. Arquette describes the scene of his intervention ("I go, what up, turkeys?") and says he had his first drink at the age of four, began "seriously drinking" at 12, and stole pot from his father at the age of 8.

A disfiguring dance floor accident forced David Arquette into rehab. Eva Longoria rebounds with Penelope Cruz's brother. T.I. gets "frisky" in jail. James Franco: "Maybe I'm just gay." Thursday gossip hits rock bottom.

Mila Kunis faces an onslaught of obnoxious break-up rumors. David Arquette goes to rehab. Lindsay Lohan's court-ordered rehab ends. (And her freely chosen rehab begins.) Bieber and Selena make out on a yacht. Monday gossip abandons auld acquaintances.

Actor David Arquette checked into rehab for "alcohol and other issues" on New Year's Day, according to TMZ. This is probably his best shot at getting his estranged wife Courteney Cox back. That, and, maybe, dressing like a normal person.

Russell Brand is in trouble! Marc Anthony is in debt! Brad Pitt is in the hospital! (Not for anything serious... unless you consider charity serious, which I do.) Friday's gossip is ringing in the new year!

Nice guy Diddy is buying a model some new hair. Lil Wayne will do anything for love. Prince William and Kate Middleton spent Christmas apart. Does Courtney Cox really want David Arquette back? Post-Christmas Gossip Roundup is feeling generous.

On Lopez Tonight yesterday, David Arquette was skittish and lightheaded, perhaps more than usual because of all the tabloid scrutiny surrounding his marriage. Lopez arranged a "cheering up" session. Watch their bizarre, dada-esque adventure after the jump.