A disfiguring dance floor accident forced David Arquette into rehab. Eva Longoria rebounds with Penelope Cruz's brother. T.I. gets "frisky" in jail. James Franco: "Maybe I'm just gay." Thursday gossip hits rock bottom.

  • Why David Arquette checked into the Betty Ford Clinic: "He busted his nose on the floor while trying to do 'the worm' at a trendy L.A. club." That happened around Christmas; in the following week, he continued to party, but insisted on wearing a "Lone Ranger-style mask" to hide his "swollen and bruised face." Here's a picture of him in Miami on New Year Eve's, wearing the mask and flanked by Oompa Loompas. (Does he have a thing for little people?) The next morning, he realized he was at rock bottom, and embarked on the most sobering New Year's resolution of all: Checking into the Betty Ford Clinic when Lindsay Lohan was still there. The average joe alcoholics at BFC must be so sick of this shit. [P6, image via Splash]
  • Meanwhile, Lindsay Lohan is "going back to her roots, going back to all the people who were in her life when she was doing good," starting with Freaky Friday co-star Jamie Lee Curtis, whom she ran into yesterday. [Radar]
  • Mariah Carey got a $400,000 Rolls Royce Phantom for Christmas from boytoy husband Nick Cannon. License plate: MOMMYMC. (Update: I erroneously said Mariah gave it to Nick, at first.) [@MariahCarey, Us]

Eva Longoria's rumored post-divore rebound: Penelope Cruz's Spanish pop star brother Eduardo Cruz. He has pierces in his earlobes, eyebrow, and that place under your lip that makes it look like you have a studded soul patch. Eva's publicist says they're "just friends." [P6, E!, image via Bauer-Griffin]

  • Lady Gaga went out to eat wearing "a sleeveless black leather jacket and no bra." Doesn't she get cold? [P6]
  • A paparazzo is suing Kanye West for a 2008 beatdown at the hands of West's "agents, servants, and/or employees." Like Kanye's specially employed beatdown butler, a dapper gentleman in a tuxedo who turns into the Incredible Hulk whenever his dispatcher plays Taylor Swift into his earpiece. [P6]

Triple reality star Khloe Kardashian debuted red hair at the People's Choice Awards last night. It's not as red as she wants it, yet: "I am in the process." You don't know how hard her life is. One arduous hair salon appointment after another. [Us, image via Getty]

  • James Franco on playing gay characters: "Part of what I'm interested in is how these people who were living anti-normative lifestyles contended with opposition. Or, you know what, maybe I'm just gay." Maybe we should let up on him, and just let him act in alternatively-identified peace? Naaahhh. [EW]
  • Katie Holmes' 4-year-old daughter Suri Cruise continues to be her stylist: "She'll really tell me [what she thinks]. Like today I'm wearing brown suede pants, and she said, 'I don't like your pants.' But then she'll say, 'You've got to wear these shoes,' or, 'That's so pretty, Mom. Wear that.' She's got a great eye." I anxiously await Suri's "princess" phase, when Katie Holmes will wear nothing but pink tulle and rhinestone tiaras. [E!]
  • The Michael Jackson manslaughter trial got super depressing yesterday, when Jacko's "logistics director" described the scene of the gloved one's death: "Paris screamed, 'Daddy,' and she started crying" as she and Prince entered the room. Then accused involuntary manslaughterer Dr. Conrad Murray shouted, "Get them out! Get them out! Don't let them see their father like this." [People]
  • Turns out Elizabeth Edwards cut John out of her will. She left everything she had to her kids. [CNN]
  • Jaime Pressly was arrested on suspicioin of a DUI Wednesday night. [Radar]
  • T.I. got in trouble for getting "frisky" with his wife during visiting hours at the Arkansas State Prison. Apparently "the inmate's hands must remain in plain view of Visiting Room staff at all times," and for doing something that required his hands to be elsewhere, T.I. has been sent to the "Special Housing Unit," which is not "special" so much as "sucky." [TMZ]
  • Former Hefner harem leader Holly Madison on Hugh Hefner's engagement to new girlfriend Crystal Harris: "I'm very surprised. I have a lot of different feelings on it. I don't just feel one way. I kind of didn't want to put a generic statement out there like 'Congratulations!' because I felt everyone would see through that." In other words: "Watch your back, Crystal. I know where you sleep." [E!]