Ashton Kutcher's cheating scandal spirals into group hot tub nudism. Johnny Depp says being photographed "feels like you're being raped." Puff Daddy gets into a nightclub shouting match. Lindsay Lohan forgets her bra. Tuesday gossip promises to repeat.

  • Sara Leal, Ashton Kutcher's rumored 23-year-old mistress, has been waltzing around in a belly shirt while "party promoter" Gavin Naumoff recounts her wild night with Ashton. Naumoff says he knows what went down because he's sort of Sara's pimp:

  • Sara's a great girl. My job is to round up hot girls and bus them into clubs in San Diego or Vegas.

  • The girls get free booze, food, whatever, and they attract rich and famous guys to the clubs. It's a two-way street. The girls get to meet rich men and the guys get what they want.'

  • Which is? ‘Sex, obviously.'

  • The party consisted of Ashton floating in a jacuzzi with four hot, naked, willing ladies plus one random guy named "Jacques." When did Two and a Half Men replace Jon Cryer with a Frenchman named "Jacques"?

  • ‘He found Ashton in a hot tub on the balcony with Alexis, Sara, a girl called Katie and another girl called Marta. They were all naked. Ashton invited Jacques to join them in the tub.

  • Apparently, Ashton said, 'Yo, where's the vodka at?' and Jacques was like, ‘'It's over there but I'm not going to get it.' So Ashton gets out to get the vodka and that's when Jacques saw he was butt naked.'

  • The alleged sexual encounter took place that night after everyone except Sara and her friend Marta had left.

  • ‘Sara is telling everyone 100 per cent that she and Ashton had sex,' claimed Naumoff.

  • Hmm. So either Sara and her friends are quasi-prostitutes, or Naumoff is a massive sleaze who will say anything for a tabloid payday and/or attention. Above, Ashton with three pictures of Sara culled from social networking sites, because I couldn't find pictures of the other three ladies, and nobody wants to see you, Jacques. [Daily Mail, image via Getty]
  • More Jessica Simpson pregnancy rumors, this time involving "eating for two," a chicken-fried steak, and a "pizookie." ("Pizza cookie.") Kind of hoping she's not pregnant, just hungry. [L&S]
  • Johnny Depp on having his picture taken: "Well, you just feel like you're being raped somehow. Raped... It feels like a kind of weird—just weird, man." Rape: It Feels Like A Kind of Weird, an essay on sexual violence by Johnny Depp. [VF, P6]

Remember when Lindsay Lohan said she was "just like Marilyn" Monroe, in an essay in a forthcoming book called Marilyn: Intimate Exposures? Here's the rest of that the essay, including the revelation that LiLo "never wanted to be a celebrity," and "The tabloids don't give you a chance. They don't want to know who you are inside." Talking about Lindsay Lohan is starting to depress me. [Nylon, image via Getty]

  • Speaking of downward momentum and Lindsay Lohan: She's in Paris for their fashion week, flashing her panties and not wearing bras. [Superficial, Telegraph]
  • Jenna Fischer and husband Lee Kirk had their son, and named him Weston Lee. May his future be brighter than that of fellow celebuspawn Weston Cage. [People]
  • Here's a video of Puff Daddy using offensive language while chewing out a party goer for drinking Grey Goose vodka instead of Diddy-owned brand Ciroc. Eventually T.I. grabs the mike and says, "Puff, you got too much motherfucking money for this shit... Come on, man." You know you're out of touch when T.I. is the voice of reason. [NYDN]
  • Zach Galifianakis wanted Jennifer Aniston to do a skit with a "Brad Pitt lookalike" for a Funny or Die sketch, and she "looked at me like, 'What the fuck?' And I totally agreed of her. How rude of me to do that! Why would she want to talk about that? She gets inundated with all that shit all the time." Which is why it would be funny! Zach ultimately replaced Jen with Tila Tequila for the sketch. I tell ya, if I had a nickel for every time Jen lost a role to Tila Tequila... [Us]
  • An allegedly drunk driver crashed into LeAnn Rimes' house yesterday. Christ. No injuries, except possibly to the drunk guy. [@LeAnnRimes, Us]
  • Child bride Courtney Stodden keeps posing sexily in swimsuits, and this time I think she got the type of spray-on tan where they create the illusion of muscle tone? I know far too much about this child's abdominals. [Superficial, Superficial]
  • Grainy Seth Rogen wedding picture. Are we really that desperate to see his longtime writer girlfriend's dress? Yes. Yes, we are. Cower in the light of its glory, future bridezillas. [Us]