Happy Monday. Hopefully your weekends were restful and relaxing. Or wild and weird. However you like it. Five blind items for you this rainy morning. An edible underwear enthusiast, a secretly swinging couple, a spoiled television actress, a sex-crazed Yankee, and someone who is "not Megan Fox." Enjoy a condensed version of your hedonistic weekend after the jump.
Friday! Sweet, glorious Friday. Two whole nights of staying up until six in the morning without guilt! Well, OK, some guilt. But not the kind of guilt that could get you fired. So, as we hurtle on toward drunken oblivion, look at these two blind items as they whiz past. They're an actor with drugs in the family and a baby who couldn't save a singer's troubled marriage.
To Thursday! And cooler weather! And a drug-addled singer who remains close with her father because he provides her with sweet, sweet drugs. And to the boozy Suzie actress who will indiscriminately bed various crew members when she's filming a movie. Read about those last two after the jump. To experience the first two, go the eff outside.
For hump day we bring you two married actors who can't stop humping each other, a lady singer who maybe humps other women, and two reality TV hosts who would rather hump fence post than hang out with each other. When I was seven years old a boy named Allen told me what "humping" meant. It's now lost all meaning. Go after the jump for blind item clarification.
Lots of blind items for you today. A fashion designer suffering a disastrous face lift, an anchorwoman jeepin' out on the sly, a drunken rockstar, and some A list but C list but secretly B list or whatever actress/singer who's boning one of the dudes from the Ultimate Fighting Challenge Championship. Enjoy the ultimate blind item challenge championship after the jump.
Mondays after a holiday weekend are the best, aren't they? You're finally back at work with all that responsibility and waking up early and sitting still for hours and stuff. Just great. In case you're a crazy person and don't agree with me, there are some blind items about athletes and bitchy celebrities and TV shows to keep you entertained while you sludge through the misery. Oh, and (gasp!) the answers to some blind items are revealed.
Drugs. It's always drugs. Whether you're doing them in front of record executives or having them flown into the desert via helicopter so you can get your sweet sweet fix while pretending to stay clean at rehab, drugs are where it is at. Also where it is at is getting ladies to perform the hurdy gurdy on you in a car and then kickin' 'em to the curb. Read about all of this after the bump. I mean jump.
Just two items for you this morning, one a tale of naivety and cocaína, the other about money and jilted lovers. So a typical day in old sun-baked Hollywood. It almost makes me want to move there. Not for the drugs or the money, but for the excitement. Almost.
The good news about this blind item in today’s NY Daily News? So many clues! Details and hints abound, from gender to marital status to what the estranged stars claim they “do” for a living. The bad news? Even when a blind item seems so specific and easy to see through, the gossip itself just doesn’t make sense. Case in point:
As the above title would suggest, this morning we have a blind item about the wicked touching drug Ecstasy ("E" to kids from Boston, "X" to everyone else it seems sometimes). There is also a little Hamptons bit that I missed (regrets) yesterday, another celebrity gay rumor possibly quashed, and a tale of "Classic Hollywood." Drink lots of water, try not to gnash your teeth, and enjoy, everyone.
It rained at the Pride parade. Sad. And now it's Monday. Sigh. At least we've got some blind items to cheer us up, random as they may be. Yes indeed, after the jump we have a football player, a "famous festival-goer," and some items about those strange cousins of famous people who no one really gets, soap stars.
Oh man have we got it all today. Warring socialites, fired assistants, bald TV stars, and tweens with shitty nose jobs. But most of all we have (last on the list) a terribly obvious blind item about Wild Things actress and current E! reality show star Denise Richards. The item suggests that the foul-mouthed, buxom midwesterner's first job in Hollywood was not on a film set, but in a bedroom. As a high-class hooker. Ohh dear. Read the details (and more) after the jump.
WHICH morning CNBC reporter keeps a jar of mayonnaise under his desk? He eats it straight, with a spoon.
This morning we have for you a porn-filled Beverly Hills hotel, a hypocrite musician who's charitable on the outside but bratty on the inside, a "celebutard" who enjoys the smack, and, if you're into that sort of thing, two items about soap stars. Enjoy it all after ye olde jump.
Ah, the blind item. Is there any other gossip variety that promises so much while risking so little? Damn you, Rush and Molloy, and your mystifyingly anonymous puzzlers, better suited for stenciling along a child's bookcase in a Yuppie House of Mysteries than for print. Nevertheless, out with your Blind Item Decoder Rings, everyone. It's now up to you, the endlessly clever membership of The Official Defamer Detectives Club®, to get to the bottom of The Case of The Gay Divorcé:
This morning's Daily News blind item—on a divorced comic star exploring a "groovy" new persona as an openly gay man—was as obvious as they get. Some of you commenters told us that the guy we were all guessing, Mike Myers, star of the "groovy baby" catchphrase-apalooza Austin Powers films and the current dud The Love Guru, has been out 'n proud in Toronto for years. Fair enough. We're not sure why it is that the Daily News would bother featuring this as a "blind item" only to use such dead giveaway clues, other than that they it would be too gauche to "out" Myers, um, outright. Seems like a bit of nasty piling-on to Myer's already miserable Love Guru bomb of a weekend.
