Now the moment you've all been waiting for: let's review the three blind items from today's NY Post. Please remove the bandages but don't stare directly into the light since objects are more factual than they appear.

The natives are restless and want their blind item fun so we're here to serve. Three blind items from today's NY Post await your guesses at tip@gawker.com.

Send your meditations on these weighty topics to tips@gawker.com.

It's like a Larry Clark film out there at New York City's private schools these days. The rumors are that a 13-year-old Horace Mann 8th grader made a porn video for her boyfriend, who promptly put it on the internet. (Schmuck.) Now we hear that the girl's parents may be packing up and moving to Florida. (Have we learned nothing from Paris Hilton? Chill, people.)

We keep hearing this story from all over: New York City film critic goes off to teach at a prestigious school, spends the semester being seduced by a nubile, fun-loving senior, gets drunk at a party, and, at last, off the two go for a consensual romp. (And good for them!) Reportedly, the film critic had already gotten a reputation as a lech on campus — the leer hasn't left his face all spring whenever he gave out his official work email address, which was often. Reportedly, the student has a very entertaining profile on The Facebook, complete with lingerie-clad action shot. But now the news is spreading all over New Haven and Cambridge — if it's true, and the story gets out, the repercussions could be serious. Kids, if you're not going to keep it in your pants on campus, keep your mouths shut! (And don't make weekend trips to New York together, sheesh.) You know we don't like to tease here, so you'll have to forgive us for not naming names in this age-old story of lust on the ivy.

Page Six said: "WHICH high-profile arts institution has a sticky problem? At least two private eyes are snooping for info about the mysterious CFO who has six aliases, several Social Security numbers and women on the side..."
You said: ???
Page Six said: "WHICH hot couple that openly enjoys threesomes is on the rocks? The actor hubby's wife pays more attention to the other hotties in their bed..."
You said: "I dunno, but John Stamos wants a divorce.
Page Six said: "WHICH elfin actor once had a taste for the boys? His first sexual experiences were with boarding school classmates - but his new girlfriend doesn't know..."
You said: "Aren't we over this yet? Page Six uses either 'elfin' or 'trilogy' to distinguish between which of these two stars they're gay-baiting."
Page Six said: "WHICH singer travels with an 'assistant' who is really his boyfriend? At a recent 'Saturday Night Live' taping, they were all over each other."
You said: "Recent male singers on SNL: Toots and the Maytals, N.E.R.D., Clay Aiken, and G-Unit with 50 Cent, Dave Matthews, Justin Timberlake. Heh. Which one of these things is not like the other?"
Just Asking... [NYP]

Page Six said: "WHICH college student daughter of a former Democratic presidential candidate was recently overheard extolling her posterior virtues on her Ivy League campus? 'I like my a- -,' she said. 'I have a very supple a- -'..."
You said: "Could it be John Edwards' daughter Catharine? She's a senior at Princeton, and judging from these pics... well, hubba hubba."
You also said: "What about Howard Dean's daughter? She's an
undergrad at Yale..."

I'm telling ya, this feature isn't long for this world. There is a reason gossip columnists invented blind items — it's so they don't get sued, ya know. (I've been to Central Booking and I have no interest in going back, frankly.) But for now, send your guesses — and these are merely guesses, my legal friends — to tips@gawker.com

Incidentally, our Page Six Family Feud section is going so well that we've begun getting fan mail from lawyers all over town. What do they think they're going to sue us for, anyway — an office full of near-empty liquor bottles?

Page Six said: "WHICH pint-size former sitcom star has such bad medical problems he's never been able to have sex? He explained to one associate he was 'a eunuch.'"
You said: "Awww dude — this is just wrong. But I think it's Gary Coleman — Emmanuel Lewis seems fine physically."
You also said: "Your reader's intuition was correct, gary is still a virgin for a number of reasons. i used to work with him and a more prissy prima donna social retard you will never find. busting a nut would probably do wonders, sadly."
Page Six said: "WHICH self-promoting dermatologist/author, whose last book dealt with zits, makes so much off his skin care products he can afford to keep a residence at a posh Midtown hotel? He loves to bring lovely young ladies there for late-night romps."
You said: "Nicholas Perricone — but is he well known? (I googled intensively as a way of avoiding actual work)."
You also said: "This is so easy — gotta be Nicholas Perricone."
Page six said: "WHICH society couple is on the rocks because the husband can no longer abide his wife's relentless spending and her absurd compulsion to attend every party? While she paints herself as a full-time mother, daddy often takes their daughter on playdates and appears at school functions because his wife won't miss a photo op..."
You said: [Ed. Note: All answers redacted because good God, these people are really annoying and they don't stop calling you if you print their names.]
Page Six said: "WHICH restaurant consultant is seeing less and less of his much-younger wife? They bought a place together on a tropical island, and she prefers to stay there surfing while he's back in the city working..."
You said: ???
Is your top ten answer on the board? Try us at tips@gawker.com
Just Asking [NY Post]

Alright, everyone: it's Friday, no need to actually work. Three blind items from today's NY Post await your guesses at tips@gawker.com.