Masturbatory fantasy football team Miami Caliente's quarterback and best receiver are on probation for wearing shoulder pads over their satin lingerie uniforms on a local magazine's cover. Unauthorized clothing constitutes a breach of contract. [NewTimes via BullfightsOnAcid]

The male brain's "sexual pursuit area" is 2.5x larger than a female's. CNN Special Correspondent Dr. Louann Brizendine uses metaphors like "if testosterone were beer," and "men look at attractive women the way we look at pretty butterflies," to explain.

If this catches on, half of Hollywood's females will fall into poverty. Casting for their fourth Pirates of the Caribbean, Disney specifies that fake breasts are not permitted, and actresses will be subjected to pre-shoot jiggle tests to check.

Unless you like hurricanes, there's a pretty good chance that the weather has completely bummed you out right in time for the work week to begin. We recommend two things to get your groove back: kitties and boobies.

What's a team of writers to do when they manage to get Oscar winner Marion Cotillard, and Oscar nominees Taraji P. Henson and Lesley-Ann Warren in a room together? Create an ad for "Forehead Tittaes", plastic boobs for your face.

This guy is at work, casually patrolling the internet for busty naked ladies, when he glances over his shoulder to find a national network broadcasting the news (and his porn) to Australia. Mind your own damn business, Australia. (NSFWish?)

Conservative Australian politicians are waging a War on Smut via pornography censor laws. Their latest uphill battle: A proposed ban on small boobs (which attract pedophiles) and squirting (which grosses them out).

Sexy wrongful dismissal suit time! Conde Nast fired a Brides employee for making like a Brooklyn high school romance language teacher and showing her sports bra to friends, in her office, while talking about her breast augmentation surgery. [Via Romenesko]

Breaking Horace Mann news: "Former Student Body Presidents' performances in last Tuesday's assembly caused heated discussions regarding sexism, men's bigotry, and the boundaries of comedic relief among students and faculty in classrooms, advisories, and club meetings this past week."

In a decade since the launch of Titanic, the eyes of humanity have focused on the James Cameron laboratory wondering what leap forward would emerge, what gifts he would bestow on our species?

Carrie Prejean and her breasts are headed to court. The ex-beauty queen turned anti-gay activist is being sued by the organizers of the Miss California USA pageant who say they paid for her boob job.

Meghan McCain says she plans to "get the fuck off Twitter" since so many users of the microblogging service are hating on a maverick picture she posted of her maverick cleavage. Oh, please. She's a fameball. She's going nowhere.

The little white letters in this photo are advertising the 28th Biennale of Graphic Art, in Slovenia. So uh, what's that shape in the background, then? NSFW, is what it is, so do not click through to find out.

Oh look, a beer company has employed the advertising tactic of "Blonde girl showing her breasts," in order to make you, the consumer, amenable to purchasing beer. The breast-revealing ad is on YouTube! But for how long? NSFW thing below:

Scarlett Johansson's assistant wrote about the media's dangerous weight obsession in the Huffington Post today, and it sounds like she didn't like a post of ours. But that wasn't the weight we were talking about.

Bloggers may face perilous, uncertain futures these days — but not Kim Kardashian! The reality star and Dancing with the Stars bootee has taken to the blogging format like a badonkadonked fish in water. First, Kardashian used her forum to dispute the automobile allegations made against her by a Defamer tipster, and now she's posted an impassioned defense of her naturally fulsome physique. It seems that Kardashian is so tired of rumors that she's had plastic surgery that she's decided to disprove them once and for all — using a queasy-making photograph of herself in a bikini at age 14:

The CW has released a video of the first few scenes of Gossip Girl's 2nd season premiere. The show, about bitchy, scheming Manhattan rich kids and three impoverished Brooklynites, returns next Monday (squee) and looks to begin with sex and making out and boobs! and more making out, and, heh heh, Jay McInerney. Yes the sadsack author makes a cameo as Dan Humphrey's (the chief Brooklyn poor) summertime mentor. He can be seen in this clip reading something while Dan makes-out cute with some brunette chippy. So, brace yourselves. Clip is after the jump.

Former child actress Lindsay Lohan is defending her kid sister, reality TV actress Ali Lohan, against rumors that the youngster has had breast augmentation surgery. When someone posed the question, Linds ripped the bounder apart on her Myspace page. "It made me feel a bit sick to my stomach," she wrote. "My response simply was, 'Did you really just ask me that? She is a 14-year-old girl, and you are a pedophile!'" She then goes on to stand up for her mom.

France, home of both Marquis de Sade and Hélène Cixous, is now home to American Apparel ads that would make even the most debauched American libertine blush. (Or not. Whatever.) The girl in the picture, says the ad, is a young actress they met on the streets of Paris. Oh yeah? Was she walking on the streets? Is she a street walker? In either case, what is beyond the jump is Not Safe For Work.

Utter nuttiness in the Voice today concerning Dr. Brad Jacobs, the Upper East Side plastic surgeon who's been accused of everything from purposely giving patients outsize boob jobs to smoking crystal meth with a patient, having sex with her while she was recovering from a nosejob and "deforming her face." Gross. So what's Dr. Brad got to say in his own defense? Well, it's 2007, so he's got an open letter up on a website. It's kind of a Crap Email From A Dude!