Enjoy the weekend box office predictions, which have a margin of error of approximately +/- 35% per film.

Take refuge in the box office numbers that help you forget that when you woke up this morning, your wife was gone, and she didn't even have the courtesy to take the kids with her.

This weekend's projections were co-produced by delusional certainty and crippling self-doubt.

The numbers that momentarily quell those Monday morning feelings of dread about plodding aimlessly through another work week:

By the end of the year, all movies will be animated. Enjoy your freedom to see live actors while it lasts.

Wrap yourself in the warm blanket that was this weekend's unsurprising box office results.

Why not spend this weekend ignoring the din of trick-or-treaters' lilting voices, resist the impulse to tamper with their candy, and head out to the movies?

Soothe your Monday morning hangover with our old-fashioned home remedy: the weekend box office numbers and some hearty vomiting.

We're feeling bold, and are hereby guaranteeing these projections to have at least 98% accuracy. We also reserve the right to come back and edit them once the weekend estimates arrive on Sunday afternoon to back up that boast.

Another weekend, another Monday morning of crushing disappointment. Also, people keep paying to see Shark Tale.

We weren't kidding when we told you not bet your homes or jobs on our box office projections, but we think there are at least two Paramount execs who are now looking for work because we backed Sky Captain.

All box office predictions are subject to the following disclaimer: The entrails that we read to divine opening weekend results vary wildly in quality from week-to-week. Please do not use these projections as the basis of any cash wager.

· Iconic, Psycho shower-stabbing victim Janet Leigh dies at age 77...peacefully, in her home. [THR]
· Tim Robbins and LOTR's Miranda Otto are in negotiations to join Tom Cruise in Stephen Spielberg's War of the Worlds remake. If deals are finalized, Robbins will play an astronomer and Otto will valiantly try to fend off Cruise's aggressively hetero on-set advances as she plays his wife. [THR]
· ABC's Desperate Housewives debuts to huge ratings. (Even we watched it—who knew our TV gets ABC?—and truth be told, if was kind of great.) With the network's early-season success, their programming executives may get a reprieve from their planned mass suicide during sweeps. [THR]
· I Heart Huckabees opens with a huge ($75,016) per-screen average—in NY and LA. The limited release of Woman, Thou Art Loosed cracks the top ten. [Variety, sub. req'd.]
· Boozy lobster-liberator Edward Furlong signs on for the indie film Jimmy & Judy. Good to see crime hasn't slowed his career. [THR]

We lovingly present the numbers from your weekend of CGI shark consumption:

Allow the weekend's box office results to cascade over your chin like the work-week's first cup of coffee.

Can we just take a nap until Oscar season? It might be a good weekend to check out a nice movie shot on shaky digital video or with subtitles.

Hey, did you hear that Britney Spears got married? We're going to assume that people were so busy discussing the shocking! nuptials! that they completely forgot to go to the movies.

Finally, we can declare the industry's late-summer garbage time officially over. Three movies open wide today, complete with some much-needed star wattage. Most importantly, Without a Paddle's evil squatting in the top five should finally end.

The numbers from your weekend, when all but the most quality-tolerant moviegoers stayed at home to catch up on what's been moldering on their TiVo's.

Welcome to the post-Labor day, pre-holiday wasteland movie-release wasteland, when it's a much wiser decision to obsessively reorder your NetFlix queue rather than venture out to the multiplex.