Last night's episode of Big Brother nabbed the show's highest ratings since its season premiere about two weeks ago. About 6.25 million people watched; the only network show to grab more eyeballs was 60 Minutes.

Last night, CBS premiered its TV series adaptation of Stephen King's 2009 novel Under the Dome to gigantic ratings. So far it's about a mysterious dome that people find themselves mysteriously under. Some of these people are nice people and some are not nice people. It's kind of like The Simpsons Movie, but with more cow carcass.

Lindsay Lohan's two segments on the Late Show with David Letterman weren't entirely awkward. Though Letterman continued to grill Lohan on rehab and her addictions, in this clip from later in the interview, he referenced all the jokes he's made at her expense and praised her for having "enough spine, enough sense of yourself, enough poise to come out here and talk to me." Lohan teared up to the point of having trouble setting up the clip from Scary Movie 5, which she was there to promote. Humanity shines through.

While teasing an upcoming segment about the Douche and Duchess—sorry, Duke and Duchess—of Cambridge, a CBS newscaster showed us a glimpse of his foul-mouthed and likely more honest subconscious. Sure, he meant to say "Duke," but his casual chuckle betrays him. "Heh heh," he says to himself and everyone watching CBS 2 at 1 o'clock on a Wednesday.

Right wing wingnut and Americans for Tax Reform founder Grover Norquist was on CBS This Morning today to talk about the nation's looming fiscal cliff.

On yesterday's CBS Sunday Morning, Mo Rocca asked, "Why do we celebrate Columbus Day?" Christopher Columbus (not the Home Alone director) did not, as he points out, actually discover America. And besides, he was a total dick; everybody knows Columbus Day was only created by Franklin D. Roosevelt to court the Italian-American vote. But if you feel like honoring our genocidal, egomaniacal founding father, you can make a pilgrimage to New York's Columbus Circle.

It's been a while since we've checked in on CBS, television for people who lost the remote, so what's going on over at the Eye Network? Is Colin Powell still singing "Call Me Maybe"? Nope, it's just Charlie Rose yelling at you to get off his lawn dancing.

For the next few weeks, we'll be evaluating many of the new fall shows as they air. At long last: one worth watching again for real.

For the next few weeks, we'll be evaluating many of the new fall shows as they air. Last night, the other gay show premiered. In addition to Partners being the new New Normal, it's also the new Will & Grace since that show's creators, Max Mutchnick and David Kohan, devised this one too. Double the pleasure, then.

The ladies of The Talk kickstarted their third season this morning with an entire show dedicated to talking about not wearing makeup while not wearing makeup. It went just as predicted; women shouted rhyming platitudes about "feeling beautiful in their own skin" in unison, Jamie Lee Curtis showed up, then they all had a laugh about making out with dudes on TV. It's like if Television Without Pretty were interpreted literally. Here is that show in 70 seconds. You're welcome.

CBS looks poised to welcome Robin Williams back to the small screen full-time following a thirty-year absence.

We're halfway through the latest Big Brother season, and it's about time we point out just how strangely pill-induced this cast has gotten. Xanax seems to be the drug of choice, and it's made for some weird moments. You can watch a video reel of them above, but it's out of chronological order and so requires some explaining:

Vince Vaughn and CBS are teaming up to bring the Brady Bunch back to TV with a rebooted series penned by Raising Hope/My Name Is Earl writer/producer Mike Mariano.

ABC may have been allowed to debut its Big Brother-esque reality show The Glass House this week, but CBS isn't quite finished making its displeasure known.

CBS, the last of the four networks to hold one, had its upfront today. Even though it is the most watched network, it still wants to prove that it isn't just for old people or the people who love the Big Bang Theory, with the result sometimes being How I Met Your Mother and other times being 2 Broke Girls. What does CBS have up its sleeve this year? Let's take a look.

Tonight, after a long day of work and a glass of pinot (or three) you might think to yourself, "Gee, maybe I should watch the People's Choice Awards on CBS." That would be a very stupid idea.

Less than a week after the investigation into his wife's 30-year-old drowning death was reopened, Robert Wagner will play a man suspected of murdering a woman on tonight's episode of NCIS. What a coinkydink! The funny thing is that CBS' ancient viewers are the only ones who remember Natalie Wood—or Robert Wagner.

CBS News correspondent Armen Keteyian told his Twitter followers today that he'd spoken with the former quarterback who discovered Penn State coach Jerry Sandusky allegedly raping a 10-year-old. "Tonight on Evening News," Keteyian wrote, "Mike McQueary breaks his silence and opens a window for me into his emotions." McQueary sure did! For about 20 seconds.

Never retire: almost six weeks to the day after delivering his last cranky essay on 60 Minutes, writer and commentator Andy Rooney is dead of complications following minor surgery. He was 92, and had delivered exactly 1,097 of his trademark on-air bitch sessions.

In your magic Monday media column: Michele Norris takes a hiatus at NPR, fuckery at Gannett, The Daily Beast TV is here, newspapers roll out a false slogan, and Charlie Rose on morning television would be... good.