After six rounds of elimination and tens of thousands of votes cast, the Gawker Privilege Tournament has concluded. Ladies and gentlemen, please meet the Least Privileged Group in America:
Last week, sixty-four categories of non-privilege entered this arena. Today, only two remain. It is time for the final round of the Gawker Privilege Tournament, where we will determine the least privileged people in America. Vote now, and forever.
Many groups lack privilege, here in the discriminatory Babylon that is the USA. But who lacks privilege the most? We aim to find out, as a service to the public. Only four groups remain in our Privilege Tournament. Hard choices await your vote, below.
Congratulations, friends: you have democratically determined that a homeless, overweight transgender Native American Muslim zoophile with a mental illness and a latex allergy is the single least privileged person in America. Now the real work begins.
For too long, "privilege" has been a vague and unquantifiable attribute. We aim to determine, democratically, who is the least privileged group of all. This is The Privilege Tournament, round three. The time to cast your vote is now.
With your help, we are on a quest to find the least privileged subgroup of all. Yesterday, we launched The Privilege Tournament. Today, it is time for you to vote once again.
Privilege: so sweet to have. But even sweeter to not have. Privilege has its benefits, but the lack of privilege confers that sweet, sweet moral superiority. With that in mind, we have decided to determine who, exactly, has the least privilege of all.
Apparently you can win over $15,000 for growing pumpkins, and we should all be reevaluating our lives.
Mugly, maybe a contraction for more ugly, beat out 28 other contestants to become the World's Ugliest Dog. Like last year's winner, Mugly is a Chinese Crested and from the UK.
Have you always wanted to have dinner with Barack Obama and also have complete control over who else has dinner with Barack Obama because you love micromanaging his life?
When you think "binge eating," caviar is probably one of the last foods that comes to mind. But hey, competitive eating doesn't just have to be about pies and hot dogs.
I asked you to immortalize your most embarrassing Bar Mitzvah photos by submitting them to this contest, and the results are in. On a side note: When my Dad saw the original post he was upset because he did not like that I was joking about my special day. Let it be known that I was not making fun of my Bat Mitzvah, or the Mitzvah tradition in general. I was celebrating what is truly a very special day in the lives of Hebe boys and girls- Men and Women- everywhere.
If you are anything like me, and I get the feeling that a lot of you are just like me, you are carefully crossing out everyday on your desk calendar as we edge slowly towards the March 23rd premiere of The Hunger Games. But waiting is a fool's game and fortunately for us, February has brought us both a second trailer and a chance to attend the premiere.
If this experiment in traffic whoring has taught me anything, it is that it is an exercise in complete and utter humiliation in exchange for traffic. And for me, that means two little words: Bar. Mitzvah.
Touché to Michael, a.ka. commenter MichaelX, for his quick response to our Republican Primary Bounty List. He sent us several photos of Republican candidates getting makeup applied, and will be duly rewarded with a check for $22.75. But now that this loophole has been exploited once, we'll clarify the rules for all future submissions: We want your original photos of candidates in the compromising, humiliating positions listed, not professional photos that you might find on a simple Google Image search.
Many years from now, when you've settled down with a nice girl and stopped drinking the beer and being rowdy with the fellas and harassing bitches (but only the ones who wanted it), your young daughter, who was just perusing some old historical documents, will come to you and ask, with childlike wonder: "Daddy? What's a bro?"
Over the weekend the city of Chico, California hosted the U.S. National Yo-Yo Championships, just like it does every year, and there were winners! Nimble, lightning-fast winners, most of whom were male. In fact, only one woman competed in this year's contest: 19-year-old Ann Connolly, who won the "Best Girl Player" award. WTF, ladies? Stop having babies and get cracking on your Rock the Babies. Stop sleeping and start practicing your Reverse Sleepers. Let's estrogenize that thing next year.
President Obama's not the only one desperately trying to raise last minute third quarter cash with transparent buddy-buddy gimmickry. Mitt Romney's also offering the opportunity of a lifetime: A chance to spend a day with him on the campaign trail! Can you even imagine having to spend an entire day with Mittens "Willard" Romney? Who's paying who here?
Fashion's Night Out can be so tedious: the crowds, the celebs, the free champagne, the lack of sales. God, it just seems like too much bother. We're going to skip it altogether, but in order to do so we need your help. Join our Scavender Hunt, take pictures from the event, and you can win cash!
Since this is Back to School time, we asked for all of your horror stories from those school days, school days, good old golden rule days. We were shocked by the number of gross, embarrassing, depressing, and hilarious tales that we got. But there can only be one winner.
