Helen Gurley Brown, the legendary editor who presided over Cosmopolitan for three decades, has died at age 90, according to the Hearst Corporation.

No longer content to obsess about the genital structures between your legs, Cosmopolitan magazine has now uncovered an "above-the-waist G-spot" in females, an "eye erection" capacity in males, and a secret penis in the tip of a man's nose. Is this a fetish or something? An evolution of acrotomophilia, perhaps?

In your kinky Wednesday media column: the FCC loses again, Cosmo goes to the Middle East, French Vogue eyes a new editor, SI's swimsuit issue goes 3-D, and media hiring is no longer the luxury affair it allegedly once was.

2010 was a great year for Lady Gaga, and a great year for magazines that put her on the cover, with L.G. issues selling higher than usual. But which celebs can't move a mag to save their lives?

On tonight's Report, Stephen Colbert saluted Cosmopolitan for its recent—and surprising—expansion into the Mongolian market. Then, Colbert offered up some sardonic wisdom for the publishing industry—just break into the few markets that don't know you're dying! Watch inside.

As a self-respecting male of the species I have never felt the need to read Cosmopolitan, a magazine that women in 100+ countries impulsively purchase at supermarkets, or whatever passes for supermarkets in the developing world.

His name is Scott Brown. He fathered an American Idol contestant, and he hates the Gay Marriage, and right now he is a Massachusetts State Senator. Also he was naked in Cosmo in 1982!

Cover Awards notices that Angelina Jolie got "duped" by German Cosmopolitan, because she looks weird. Well, she also got duplicated, as a tipster points out to us.

Is it possible that college students—rather than being our nation's elite—are just unsophisticated dolts, like the rest of America? According to a new survey, college kids' favorite magazine is Time. Last year it was Cosmopolitan. What, they don't teach book-learnin' in universities any more? But then you realize that the same survey says college kids' favorite restaurant is McDonald's and their favorite clothing brand is American Eagle and their favorite band is Coldplay, and it all starts to fit. [Ad Age, Previously]

Being a regular girl is work enough—God knows what being a Cosmogirl entails. A tolerance for fruitinis? The ability to exist on salad alone? The shamelessness required to "[come] to bed in a soaking wet white tee shirt"? We've been gleefully following Cosmopolitan blogger Leo (Smith '07)—her blog's narrative is "one socially awkward girl's attempts to transform into a sexy, social butterfly." At first, we pointed and laughed like bullies—but it was only because deep down, we all feel awkward. We teased her about her use of the word "[doing] the grown-up" as a euphemism for sex, and how she wondered aloud if playing the field was "immoral". We also said that "increasingly, watching her thirty-day evolution at the hands of people who professionally suggest 'how to be a total man-magnet' is like watching a gazelle getting torn apart by hyenas." That was bitchy. But we were rooting for her all along. Leo's written her goodbye post, and we were worried: did the Cosmo machine spit out a Cosmotini-swilling, Choo-wearing girl-droid in the shape of their brand?Writes young Leo:

Cosmopolitan is purportedly a magazine for women, but judging from its headlines, it's mainly there to encourage our pursuit of naked men—and to tell us how to please them. Yet, they have a huge problem with actual naked men: when Jossip found Internet porn photos of two of their "50 Hottest Bachelors of 2008," the magazine promptly uninvited them from their Hottest Bachelor Party, reports Page Six. Oh, come on—one was an amateur porn site, and the other was Playgirl.com (see middle pic.) We can't expect these hotties to be monogamous! Cosmo—she of the "dirty, shocking things men want from you" headlines—is acting so uptight. But! The real weirdness comes from one of the 48 non-naked Hottest Bachelors. OF COURSE there's a Sarah Palin connection—it's Wasilla, Alaska's other Levi:

Cosmo, the sassy, sexy source of sex secrets he's too scared to tell you, is going to an incredible amount of effort to promote its August issue: the magazine is trying to break the Guinness World Record for "most people photographed on a beach in a bikini." The old record? 1,010 girls on a beach in Australia, set last year by... Cosmo! Good to see they have a hobby. They need 1,200 "chicks 18-34" to show up on Miami's South Beach next Friday, so start hitchhiking now! You'll get a free Old Navy bikini, "style to depend on available quantity and selection." Unfortunately swimsuit photos appeal primarily to straight men, who don't buy Cosmo anyways, so this is all a big waste of time. After the jump, photos of the last record, which is still perfectly good and pointless if you ask us:

Cosmopolitan honored singer/paparazzi fucker-with John Mayer as their top "Fun, Fearless Male" of the year today. Yes, he is fun in a "nice guy from your high school who became sort of an ass when he went to Hamilton and realized he could get girls" kinda way. But fearless? Upon what criteria is this most noble of titles based? Looking at some of the other honorees, it could be one simple thing: dating Jessica Simpson.

Foster's Hearst Tower, his glass structure for the media conglomerate which owns Cosmopolitan, is ugly, says a critic for the Architectural Record. Which is the review you'd expect for lattice-work modeled on an Argyll sweater. [via Intelligencer]

Aspiring Peter Braunsteins and other glossy magazine editrix fetishists may want to check out the shiny new escalators at the Hearst Building. If you peek through the glass at the right time, you might be able to see some Cosmopolitan and Marie Claire ladies' undercarriages. [NYM]

The Post has a little fun at Cosmo's expense today, listing ten of the magazine's most common "boundary-pushing moves" and asking a collection of New York men how they feel about the sex tips. Not consulted? Our very own resident "sexpert" My Cock. We ran the list by him and got his reaction.

Cosmo recently unveiled some video games on its website that it hopes will prove irresistible to the legions of young women who turn to them for advice about what to do when their vaginas get sparkly. But one of them, "Boy Toy," is so moronic that we think you would have to be mid-lobotomy to get any sort of entertainment value out of it.

• In an interview with the Guardian, Conrad Black calls his fraud trial "bullshit" and announces that he's at war with the U.S. government. The paper also has an excerpt from Black's forthcoming biography of Richard Nixon, which praises the former president's "surpassing dignity." Read into that what you will. [Guardian]
  

From Cosmopolitan, June 2007, p. 58, headline: "Gyno Uh-Oh!":

The Wall Street Journal reports today that Hearst's partnership with gaming company Arkadium will soon result in a game at Seventeen.com called "Editor's Assistant," wherein you're the assistant to new 'Toos replacement Ann Shoket and you have to complete "certain tasks" to win. But that's not even as cool as the game that's planned for Cosmpolitan.com: to win "Boy Toy," players will control a virtual man's attempts to "keep his girlfriend satisfied." How lezzie! And how downmarket!