Conan O'Brien debuted his new TBS show last night. The only jokes he made were about getting fired by NBC. It was like a first date with a guy who only talks about what a bitch his ex-girlfriend is. Enough!

He's so bruised, his doctor can barely cover up his fetish. These actors are ditching their famous lovers to start a relationship and this actor broke up with his boyfriend to get famous. He needs a slap in the face.

Not if AMC has anything to say about it, anyway. They want more zombies! Also today: True Blood geniusly casts a genius, a Broadway show has its life cut short, as does an NBC show, and Steve Carell news.

Yesterday I saw 127 Hours, a movie supposedly about James Franco cutting off his arm. I wouldn't know, though, since I couldn't watch a second of the amputation action. What things are too nasty for you to see on screen?

It's true. Just look at the top two movies this weekend. The one for the kids who are already here handily beat out the one about a kid that's on its way. So that proves it.

He hates gays, but loves him some Bette Midler. What's he hiding? This actress is trying to get parts by sleeping around, and this actor almost lost his job for grabbing the boss' wife. Hollywood needs an HR department.

You probably owe someone an overDue Date to the movies. This weekend there are movies For Colored Girls and anyone else! But you don't have 127 Hours for all of them, so use that Megamind of yours and pick one!

FX is developing a drama with an illegal Mexican immigrant as its protagonist. The Drudge Report picked up the news, and now conservatives are outraged, because criminals have never been glorified in the history of the moving picture.

Last night's episode was all about how children will listen. Be careful of what you do, children will learn. But these women, well some of them, aren't careful, so their children will grow up to be terrible.

Here are trailers for the comedies Hall Pass, directed by the once-famous Farrelly brothers and starring Owen Wilson, and Just Go With It, featuring the apotheosis of dumb manhood, Adam Sandler. (And sad, sad Jennifer Aniston!) Yes, folks, men stink.

This new couple isn't a couple at all, just another PR stunt. This A-list actor loves wearing costumes in public, and John Mayer is supposedly having an affair with this married star. At least we know their lust is real.

In 127 Hours, James Franco stars as a stranded hiker who amputates his own arm. (Opening Friday!) As many as 16 people at festivals and the premiere have fainted during the graphic self-amputation scene. Just wait until Justin Bieber's movie.

That's what the movies would have us believe, anyway. Also today: HBO goes on a comedy-ordering bonanza, Terra Nova is not on terra firma, neither is Law & Order, and a new reality show actually sounds... good?

This is the first poster for the Mel Gibson comedy The Beaver, and... um? It's just one big joke about Mel Gibson telling us that he's crazy. I mean, who are the ad wizards that came up with this one??!

This V-card loss is so monumental, we have two blind items about it. This talk show host pissed off a celebrity chef by commenting on her size. We doubt the host will be shown the door, back or otherwise.

While filming Law & Order: Los Angeles in LA, a cameraman spotted a semi-automatic handgun on a rock. The real police came and removed the gun. This will be the inspiration for the world's most boring Law & Order episode.

And she's gonna like it. Also today: Yay for Fox News, they are great. Yay for Chelsea Handler, she is great. Watch a video of actresses complimenting each other, and hear the good news about two skinny dark-haired guys.

Here's a trailer for Gulliver's Travels, the 3D (ugh) comedy starring Jack Black as a modern-day Gulliver who mixes it up with the Lilliputians. This certainly doesn't appear to be Swiftian satire, though. Mostly it's just fat jokes.

This right winger's wife is ready to expose his cheating. This former A-lister is shoving food in her face, and this reality cast votes on which drugs they'll use before filming. Sounds like voter turnout is high.

Well, if you are an actor in the new movie where he plays a serial killer, at least. Also today: the sweet, sweet success of Jamie Chung, James McAvoy lends his voice out, and Cameron Crowe casts.