Two recent studies say that people who work a lot of overtime hours are at a higher risk of developing depression than people who work regular hours. This calls for a simple mathematical formula.

Today we learned about a mother who is definitely not a narc. And we learned about a mother who could have probably used a narc. Crazy mama's abound, so it's no wonder that your mother is probably the reason behind your case of the sads.

Forty six billion tweets don't lie: We're collectively getting more depressed. Or at least those of us on Twitter are, judging from our use of sad words like "greed," "terrorist," and "suicide." We've been in a depression spiral since April 2009, according to science. How dismal!

How are our visibly depressed college students faring this year? Poorly. Very poorly.

Puppies and law school go together like leeches and community college. They're just a natural pair. Modern law school is little more than a slow process of coming to the realization that you really never should have gone to law school in the first place. What to do when the inevitable depression sets in? Play with dogs! Dogs, dogs, dogs. Dogs will take the pain away.

Bedbug death! Brain collection! Obesity drug! Depression stroke! Lung cancer! Sexxxy kids! Soup disease! Killer cantaloupe! And young people who think they're pret-ty damn clever! It's your Thursday Health Watch, where we watch your health—before you're ready!

The weirdest thing in the whole entire USA Today "economic reporting as well as stories about angels" newspaper today was this alleged propaganda piece about how Americans just keep getting more and more pessimistic about the economy. What's the major malfunction, Americans? Unhappy about the virtually assured prospect of several more relentlessly awful years of your home not gaining value as you foolishly expected, extending the fearsome "lost decade" unto, it seems, infinity? Well I guess that makes sense.

You know how no one has a job or money and everything's going to shit and you feel like a rat in a cage and the streets are erupting into a cauldron of rage and torn flesh? It's all in your head. According to the feds, violent crime was down 12% last year.

Wouldn't you be? Barack Obama is at the nadir of his political popularity and effectiveness. He has been maneuvered into an economic corner of 9%-plus unemployment by a relentlessly nihilistic Congress. His achievements—killing bin Laden, saving the auto industry at negligible cost—are written off as flukes. Plus all this 9/11 anniversary stuff! We hear the New York Times is looking into whether it's all starting to get to him—like, clinically.

German reactors! Hurricane prediction! Spatial men! Mind microbes! Mysterious Demisovans! Green office! Faster boarding! Space danger! And the liquid corpse option has arrived! It's your Tuesday Science Watch, where we watch science—posthumously!

According to a Harvard psychiatrist, about 25% of psychiatric patients don't have anything wrong emotionally, just physically, and treating their illness can cure their mental problems. So, you're not depressed after all, you just have lupus, Lyme disease, or maybe cancer. Yay!

When you woke up this morning, did everything seem a little less... reliable? It did, didn't it? That's because credit ratings agency Standard & Poor's no longer regards the U.S. as a risk-free borrower, despite a $2 trillion error in its initial accounting.

Alexander technique! HIV trends! Antidepressant popularity! Imaginary wrinkles! Expensive food! Sick ticks! Scorpion medicine! Elderly genes! And some very special research by scientist perv pornographers! It's your Thursday Health Watch, where we watch your health—maniacally!

This jobless recovery of ours is now officially just joblessness. According to new data from the Bureau of Economic Analysis, GDP grew by just 1.3% last quarter. Worse, the growth we thought we've been seeing since 2003 has been more anemic than we thought: According to the revised numbers, the economy grew a lousy .4 percent of the first quarter of 2011—or almost a fifth of what we thought it had grown.

Some Canadian researchers say the drug metyrapone (pronounced "met-yr-a-pone") can stop your brain from recalling the sadness and other "negative" emotions associated with difficult memories—for example, the death of poor little Fluffy, the sweet kitten who never stood a chance.

There's been a theory circulating for some time now around the scientific and semen-loving communities, which proposes that that man-made substance can reduce depression. A sex columnist at Popular Science's website decided to investigate if the claims might be true — and good news, ladies-and-certain-gentlemen: It just might!

Americans are—we are sorry to say—whiny, dissatisfied, lazy stereotypes of themselves, always looking for a "handout" rather than a "hand up."

Poor Hosni Mubarak! The Egyptian dictator is, according to "a senior Egyptian official" who spoke with Fox News, "clinically depressed." The octogenarian has been in the hospital with heart problems since last week; according to doctors, he "spends all day in bed and is eating very little with his wife Suzanne by his side." Look, Hosni, don't get us wrong, the transition from fearsome autocrat to old Egyptian guy can be difficult! But you have to take care of yourself. Make sure you're exercising, and maybe take up a hobby, like gardening. We also hear meditation is great for depression. [NYP]

After weathering husband Michael Douglas' battle with cancer, Catherine Zeta-Jones has checked into a mental hospital to treat her bipolar disorder. Says her publicist:

Everyone just wants to be happy, but psychologists at the University of Wisconsin found that people who search out happiness for its own sake tend to live shorter lives and are at greater risk to develop depression and other mental illnesses. Yes, the pursuit of happiness can lead to unhappiness.