Iowa Congressman Steve King continued to raise doubts about Barack Obama’s place of birth long after the president released his longform birth certificate. As late as last year, he was still asserting that wherever Obama may have been born, he was “not raised with an American experience.” Which is presumably why King just endorsed a real American—Canadian-born Ted Cruz—for president.

Last night, a fever dream-addled Donald Trump performed free association, spoken word poetry to the unsuspecting people of Iowa under the guise of a stump speech. Trump clearly hasn’t slept in days, he’s repeating staple phrases though ever so slightly off, and he calls everyone cheering for him an idiot. It is, perhaps, the single most perfect example of American rhetoric ever.

With heaping plate of candied yams Donald Trump and Stabbity Ben Carson still leading the chase for the GOP nomination as we head into the holiday season, members of the party establishment are becoming so fearful of ending up with a novelty candidate that they’re considering a last-ditch effort to draft Mitt Romney as their nominee, the Washington Post reports.

Donald Trump has already staked his claim to the worst idea in immigration policy—a retrograde mass deportation scheme that was once known as Operation Wetback—but there are plenty of other cockamamie schemes to solve the problem of having a country that workers want to move to. On Wednesday, self-professed teen stabber Dr. Ben Carson announced his own at a press conference.

Perpetual former candidate for president and (occasionally) vice president Bob Dole has a few opinions about what will soon be the latest crop of former candidates for president. Namely, that he thinks they’re all real swell guys. Well—except for one.

Jeb Bush, by some measures, despises conflict. This is, of course, an especially curious personality trait for someone running for a presidential nomination in one of the largest fields ever. Case in point would be Bush getting railroaded multiple times by John Kasich in last night’s debate.

Attention, American voters: make the right choice in 2016. Elect the candidate from the party the firmly vows not to raise your wages. Uhhhhhh.

After getting booted from yesterday’s debates for his low numbers, South Carolina Senator and seersucker suit come-to-life Lindsey Graham (who is currently polling at a solid 0.0%) decided to do what any of us do in the face of rejection: Get drunk and whine to our friends on social media. And since Graham’s BFF is none other than Senator John McCain—whose former spokesman just so happened to have recently released Sidewire, a sort of Twitter knock-off—Graham was free to let loose. Because absolutely no one else knows it exists.

Donald Trump is definitely not a racist xenophobe, he’s just a normal presidential candidate whose immigration plan would be modeled after an Eisenhower-era mass deportation called “Operation Wetback.” The real estate tycoon and seasonally appropriate squash made approving reference to likable Ike’s Mexican roundup during Tuesday night’s GOP debate:

As with any jingoistic carnival worth enduring, the content ostensibly central to Tuesday’s GOP debate was far overshadowed by that which seemed to be at its periphery: the commercials.

Somehow, once again, all the candidates’ demands have been met, the undercard round finished, and Ted Cruz’s flesh mask polished to a sheen. Come 9:00 p.m. EST, it’s time for another GOP debate live blog. And as our host for the evening will be Fox Business, this one is almost guaranteed to be extra terrible. We can’t wait.

At tonight’s 358th GOP debate, Ben Carson is almost certainly going to be pushed to respond to the many, many, many claims of fabulism that have been levied against the candidate in recent weeks. So many, in fact, it can be hard to keep track (especially if your name is Ben Carson). But don’t worry—we’re here to help.

Jeb Bush’s Super PAC “has purchased more than 8,000 advertising spots targeting Iowa, New Hampshire, and South Carolina,” yet he’s still “in fifth place and in single digits in all three states.” That’s weird.

Today on Jeb Bush’s infinite tour of sadness, we find Jeb! pondering life’s deeper questions, like those asked in desperation by a publication’s social media account: Would Jeb Bush go back in time and kill baby Adolf Hitler? “Hell yeah!”

Ben Carson is currently in trouble for, at the very least, embellishing his life story, including a moment in which he says he attempted to stab his friend. Here is video of that pivotal incident, as depicted in the Cuba Gooding Jr.-starring straight-to-TV adaptation of Carson’s memoir, Gifted Hands.

So far, America’s most powerful labor unions are more likely to endorse Hillary Clinton than Bernie Sanders, even though Sanders’ beliefs are more pro-labor than Clinton’s. This is dumb. And fearful.

Today, Senator Marco Rubio held a Q&A for “young professionals” at St. Anselm College in New Hampshire. That sounds very boring, and it probably mostly was, except that Rubio gave perhaps the most insane answer possible to the question, “Who would you like to have a beer with who is not a politician?”

How is the Jeb Bush comeback going? Well, his new slogan uncomfortably resembles one used by England’s most notorious monster. No one wants to vote for him. He apologized to the French. And today, Jeb just unloaded a lot of dark stuff on some unsuspecting middle schoolers.