In an interview Sunday on CBS’ “Face the Nation,” helpless duckling and presidential candidate John Ellis “JEB!” Bush said that, while the idea of frontrunner Donald Trump recieving the Republican nomination is “kind of scary,” he would support Trump, “because anybody is better than Hillary Clinton.”

Coming off fresh from an incident in which he compared the Syrian refugees to “rabid dogs,” Ben Carson is now spending the week in Jordan, where he apparently plans to make up for his capacious lack of any sort of foreign affairs experience whatsoever with a few strategic head pats. And what has Dr. Carson learned so far? Apparently, the refugees don’t even want to come to the U.S. in the first place.

If you had “mocking another human’s physical handicap” as the next foot to go in Donald Trump’s mouth—congratulations. You have unfortunately won.

Hillary Clinton spoke at an event in Boulder, Colorado earlier today, where she happily responded to a question about aliens from outer space. Are they real? Sure! What are their elections like? Some things are best left unknown.

Dear Mr. Donald J. Trump, Sr.,

On Monday, Donald Trump claimed to have watched people jump to their deaths from the Twin Towers on September 11, 2001: “Many people jumped and I witnessed it, I watched that. I have a view—a view in my apartment that was specifically aimed at the World Trade Center.”

Today in film, we offer you a strong and classy bit of cinema from a strong and classy American.

This weekend Donald Trump described personally witnessing “thousands and thousands” of people in New Jersey cheering as the towers came down on 9/11. Cue New Jersey governor Chris Christie, who is not going to stand for that, unless it helps him with voters—does anyone know if it will help him with voters?

Twice this weekend, Donald Trump claimed to have watched as, immediately following the terrorist attacks on September 11, 2001, thousands of Arabs and Arab-Americans across the Hudson River, in Jersey City, New Jersey, cheered as the Twin Towers collapsed.

Perpetual embarrassment Donald Trump can look almost thoughtful next to his rock-solid, occasionally violent base of racist voters. Except, of course, when he doesn’t. Like this afternoon, for instance, when Donald Trump tweeted out a patently false, race-baiting image just one day after his supporters tried to beat the shit out of a Black Lives Matter protestor.

“Carly Fiorina Spotted At Newark Airport,” wrote NBC News today, which is funny because “spotted” is actually the exact opposite of what happened.

In the course of a political campaign, reporters will often be leaked what is called opposition research—dirt, or potential dirt, compiled by campaign staffs (or affiliated nonprofits) to use against their opponents. Oppo research can be useful to journalists. Maybe a campaign has uncovered the existence of a rumor too salacious for the candidate herself to touch, leaving its secret dissemination to a reporter as their only recourse.

In an interview with Megyn Kelly last night, Marco Rubio—who was ostensibly trying to shut down Trump’s call for a Fourth Reich—instead declared that, if we truly want to be safe, America needs to shut down pretty much everything.

In a curious turn of events, Ben Carson’s campaign is denouncing a recent New York Times report by throwing a man who may or may not be advising him under the bus to the old age home.

It’s a widely accepted fact that the current lineup of candidates for president of the United States consists mainly of self-obsessed clowns and/or displaced SNL parodies of historical tyrants. But—what if it wasn’t entirely their fault?

Martin O’Malley’s campaign is “perilously close to financial collapse,” the Washington Post reports, amidst reports the candidate will be hitchhiking to Iowa, financially speaking.

The guitarist in the band Survivor is suing Mike Huckabee’s presidential campaign, the Associated Press reports, over the Arkansas governor’s use of the band’s 1982 hit, “Eye of the Tiger.”

Yesterday, the SEIU, one of America’s strongest and most politically active labor unions, endorsed Hillary Clinton for president. Hmm.

And then there were oh-who-even-knows-how-many-there-still-are: Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal is dropping out of the 2016 presidential race, the Associated Press reports, hopefully to dedicate more time to conducting exorcisms.

Last night, Miss Cleo cosplay enthusiast Donald Trump told a crowd of supporters in Tennessee that he was able to predict terrorism in his 2000 book, The America We Deserve, because he “can feel it.”