Like the Tim Curry song says, anything can happen on Halloween. Paris Hilton can get choked, Real Housewives can bury the hatchet, Tinsley Mortimer can tape a reality show, Elton John can get sick. It's Monday morning's leftover gossip candy.

• In a new interview, embattled restaurateur Giuseppe Cipriani says he has no plans to return to NYC anytime soon since he's convinced he'll be arrested if he does. He's also convinced that his problems stem from going up against Roland Betts, the co-founder of Chelsea Piers and one of George Bush's oldest friends and who, Cipriani suggests, set out to destroy him. [P6, VF]
• He may have been mayor for eight years, but Rudy Giuliani was reportedly bounced from the prime Yankees seats next to the team's dugout for game one of the World Series because Michelle Obama was in town and the White House didn't want them sitting together. [P6]
• Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie took their older kids trick-or-treating, and one child even appeared to be in a "store-bought costume." Hopefully, Angie will take the time to sit down at her sewing machine next year. [Us]
• Fame-obsessed father Jon Gosselin thinks he's simply "misunderstood." In a public forum last night with his new BF, fame-obsessed rabbi Schmuley Boteach, Gosselin announced, "I'm not a fame seeker." Then he announced he planned to "privately" apologize to his ex-wife and said that he and girlfriend Hailey Glassman haven't broken up, they're just on a break. [People, Us]

Stephanie Pratt's wallet could use a little help. Elton John's too old for kids. And Colin Farrell knocked up his girl. That and much, much more in your Tuesday morning gossip roundup!

• Poor Mischa Barton hasn't been having much fun since she arrived in NYC a few weeks ago. She says she's been "ordered to stay away from booze, boys and bad behavior following her brief hospitalization this summer." She's been allowed one vice, though: "All I can do is smoke cigarettes," she says. [P6]
• Chace Crawford and Bar Refaeli were spotted getting cozy on Friday night at 1Oak. [NYDN]
• Ashley Dupre has a new single out. She also tells the Post in an "exclusive interview and fashion shoot" that she wants to get married, have "at least two children," and be happy forever after. [NYP]
• As you've undoubtedly seen/heard by now, Kanye West stormed the stage at the MTV Video Music Awards to interrupt Taylor Swift as she was accepting her award for Best Female Video. [NYDN, People, NYP]

Mischa Barton can't do drugs. Neither can people at Soho House. Meanwhile, gays want babies. Insane! Welcome to your Monday morning Gossip Roundup.

[Fake Sean Connery, fake Johnny Depp, fake Rod Stewart, and fake Elton John mingle at the Sunburst Convention of Celebrity Tribute Artists in Orlando. Image via Getty]

[Elton John with the three kids who shared the Best Actor in a Musical Tony award last night for their performances in "Billy Elliot: the Musical"; image via WENN]

An army of A-listers showed to last night's 69th annual American Ballet Theatre spring gala (and, if they were lucky, got a glimpse of Michelle Obama dressed in a black Alaia dress and Thakoon jacket). Among those in attendance: Anna Wintour, Carolina and Reinaldo Herrera, Chuck Schumer, Christine and Steve Schwarzman, David and Julia Koch, Caroline Kennedy and Ed Schlossberg, Calvin Klein, Francisco Costa, Ivanka Trump, Caryn and Jeff Zucker, Annette and Matt Lauer, Al Roker and Deborah Roberts, Lorne Michaels, Desiree Rogers, Claire Danes and Hugh Dancy, Renee Zellweger, Sigourney Weaver, Tory Burch, Iman, Grace Hightower, Rachel Roy, Robbie Myers, Hamish Bowles, Renee Fleming, Lisa Perry, Muffie Potter Aston, Amanda Brooks, Peter and Jamee Gregory, Yvonne Force Villareal, Marina Rust Connor, Marjorie Gubelmann, Nina Griscom and Leonel Piraino, Karen and Richard LeFrak, Blaine Trump, Harry Evans, Hilary Rhoda, Coco Rocha, Mariska Hargitay, Lindsay Price, Kim Raver, Ruben Toledo and Isabel Toledo, Dree Hemingway, Gillian and Sylvester Miniter, and Kelly Ripa and husband Mark Consuelos (left), a former dancer himself. [PMc, Wireimage, Style.com]

Cartier celebrated its 100th anniversary in New York last night with a big bash inside its Fifth Avenue store. The celeb-heavy crowd included Elton John, Kate Hudson, Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake, Anne Hathaway, Rachel Weisz, Demi Moore, Eva Mendez, Ashley Olsen, Zac Posen, Martha Stewart, Graydon Carter, Jeff Zucker, Robbie Myers, Patti Smith, Russell Simmons and Julie Henderson, Tory Burch, Thakoon Panichgul, Erin Fetherston, Nanette Lepore, Phillip Lim, Coco Rocha, Hilary Rhoda, Daniel Boulud, Eli Weisel, Bruce Weber, Henrik Lundqvist, Ingrid Sischy, Beth Rudin DeWoody, Cornelia Guest, Susan Fales-Hill, Marjorie Gubelmann, Thora Birch, Chiara Clemente, Alexis Bryan, Dylan Lauren, Kelly Klein, and Cartier chief Frederic De Narp. [PMc, Wireimage, WWD]

It's been a rough few months for aging British musicians, apparently. According to the Sunday Times, Elton John's net worth has plummeted by 26 percent on account of the financial crisis. Mick Jagger is down 16 percent and is now worth a mere $280 million. And Eric Clapton's net worth now stands at $176 million, since his fortune has dwindled by 14 percent over the last year. Good news (or bad news, depending on your perspective): The paper reports David and Victoria Beckham's wealth is unchanged. [Bloomberg]

Sarah Jessica Parker is turning 44 today. Gloria Steinem turns 75. Elton John is 62. Daniel Boulud is turning 54. Socialite Arden Wohl turns 26. Matthew Barney is 42. Eileen Ford is 87. Aretha Franklin turns 67. Marcia Cross is 47. Today Show film critic Gene Shalit is turning 77. Katharine McPhee is 25. Race car driver Danica Patrick turns 27. The rapper Juvenile is turning 34. And actress Lark Voorhies, best known as Lisa Turtle on Saved by the Bell, is turning 35.

In Tuesday's disturbing relationship newsdump, we learn Nadya Suleman's kids brutalize her, Rihanna's Chris Brown reunion riled her family and dinner with TomKat is as weird as you think.

The Vanity Fair Oscar party was, this year more than ever, the center of the celebrity vortex, devouring other party-throwers Prince, Elton John, Madonna and adorable twitterering couple Demi and Ashton.

· Disappointed by the delays facing Steven Soderbergh's brain-melter Cleo? Elton John to the rescue with Pride and Predator, featuring Jane Austen's characters taking on a bloodthirsty space alien. Can't. Wait. [Variety]

A "landmark" court ruling in the UK means that it is now legal to make jokes there (without having to pay millions in defamation damages). Jokes about Elton John, especially.

♦ Is Naomi Campbell planning a secret wedding with her Russian boyfriend Vladimir Doronin later this month? Her reps say no, although the new emerald and diamond ring she sported in Miami this past weekend seems to suggest otherwise. [Mirror, NYDN, DS]
♦ Alex Rodriguez had a busy Thanksgiving. He spent half of Thursday with his ex-wife and kids and the other half with Madonna before jetting off to Mexico City with Madge. [NYDN, NYP]
♦ Amy Winehouse's estranged husband, Blake Fielder-Civil, says he was responsible for turning his wife into a junkie, and that he has to "let her go to save her life." [NYDN, People]
♦ Giants star Plaxico Burress, who shot himself in the leg while partying at Latin Quarter on Friday night, turned himself in this morning. [NYP, Newsday]

The Tribeca Film Institute hosted a benefit screening for the Quantum of Solace last night, which was followed by an afterparty at Tavern on the Green. Attendees included Daniel Craig, Becki Newton, Chris Diamantopoulos, Robert De Niro and Grace Hightower, Craig Hatkoff and Jane Rosenthal, Julia Stiles, Kelly Killoren Bensimon, Jeffrey Wright, Debra Messing, Andre Balazs, Andrew Saffir and Daniel Benedict, Hoda Kotb, Jill Stuart, John Sykes, Judy McGrath, Howard Stringer, Rob Wiesenthal, Liya Kebede, Stewart Rahr, Molly Sims, and Serena Altschul. [PMc, Wireimage, GoaG]

♦ Armani has signed Victoria Beckham to appear in the new campaign for Emporio Armani underwear. You'll have to wait until spring '09 to see the Mert and Marcus-shot ads. [WWD]
♦ He's not crazy, he's just, uh, spiritual: Elton John apparently only eats off Versace crockery because he believes "the designer's spirit lives in every plate." [NYP via Racked]
♦ Narciso Rodriguez doesn't talk about his recent split with Liz Claiborne, but he does share a bit about his forthcoming book which will be published by Rizzoli later this month. [stylefile]
♦ Finally! Nicole Richie's jewelry line is now on sale. [The Cut]

Gay Elton John has been flying into Detroit to record songs for Eminem's upcoming album. Now there's a sentence that would terrify Eminem's fans in 1999. And Elton John's. [Freep via TAN]

For those of you wondering how in the world Ben Stiller could possibly outdo his finely honed, full-retard character work in this summer's Tropic Thunder, fret not. The actor is pairing with Elton John for a movie musical that will require him to go full blown AIDS. John explained in a recent GQ interview: