In that murky unpleasant region between stalking and sexual harassment exists a ballad to the 18th birthday of super-twins and NYU freshwomen Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. "Soon you will be ready," croons the creepy singer of The Fresh. Restraining order, party of one? Your table is so ready. The best part is the song is a bit off on their birthday - like, a month plus? C'mon, pervs, you can do better than that.
The Ballad of Mary-Kate and Ashley [Daily Refill]
NYS Age of Consent Laws [Age of Consent]

LES Street Art [Satan's Laundromat, via New Yorkish]

Sean Combs, mogul, rapper, fashionista, and now Broadway actor opens in A Raisin in the Sun, and the reviews hit the stands:

You thought the trauma was over for PR queen Lizzie Grubman? Nope: the real trouble has yet to be run down and backed over. The first of two lawsuits, brought by Scott Conlon, a Suffolk County school teacher, is looking for $21 mil in damages. The suit charges that not only was our little Lizzie drinking, but she had consumed "illegal drugs" in the eight hours previous to the incident. Ah, how the lawyers must have cackled when they wrote this paragraph:

Wait, I thought I was having some sort of weird teenage-PCP-use flashback when I saw the Cate Blanchett baby announcement:

Joe Bruno, the State Senate Majority Leader, professed his undying love for Governor Pataki yesterday. Says Bruno, "Like all good partners, occasionally you don't partner. But you kiss, you make up and you make love most of the time." Pataki took this super-gay declaration well: "I don't mind making love to you. Just don't ask me to marry you," said the Governor. Ha! That's hilarious, because the gays are second class citizens! I bet all the gay parents in Park Slope, denied the survivor rights and the privileges afforded straight people, are just chuckling all the way to day care.
Nothin' but love for guv and Bruno [AP]

Sightings are sent in by readers: send yours to tips@gawker.com.

If you're hearing that Michael Jackson, the king of pop and pedophilia, A) shot himself B) overdosed C) went postal on the Queen of England, remember this is all coming from the British press rumor mill, which is about as accurate as a squadron of 8-year-old girls with too many AOL screennames. (Which means every once in a while they get something right. But don't count on it.)

We're going to have to violate our sports-free zone here, as this weekend marks the first Yankees v. Red Sox game of the season. (Vegas has the money on the Yankees, FYI.) A Yankees fan imagines the season to come:

Evidently, some people think gunplay on the streets of Manhattan is a bad thing. (I always figured it would just weed out the population of annoying poor people who like to get in the way of a good rap battle.) Says a reader:

Since it's boobie-pride day on Gawker, we're please to note that Ms. Lil' Kim has been indicted for lying to a federal grand jury. I presume Ms. Kim will get the same undying love and devotion for her repeated perjury that Martha Stewart got for obstructing justice. Right? Don't you think? Hello? Anyone?
Lil' Kim Rapped with Felony Perjury Charges [TSG]
Lil' Kim [Awful Plastic Surgery]

As reported last week, America's horse-loving (cough) sweetheart, Nicole Richie, and her groom-to-be, American Idol contestant Justin Guarini, appear to have set a date for their nuptials: June 12th. We're taking bets on whether this one will actually come off; oddsmakers put it at 50/50 for now. Meanwhile, buy them a little gift — I'm sure Nicole could use some new spoons.
Gift Registries [Wedding Channel] [via Daily Refill]

How did we all miss last week's US District Court ruling in Mastrovincenzo v. City of New York? Two "graffiti artists" named Mastro and Nac got an injunction against the city; they sell tagged trucker hats on the street without a license, and argued (successfully!) that, as art, they're protected by the First Amendment. Says the court:

New Yorkish has made a proposed update to the NYC Olympics Bid logo, saying: "Why not pick a more appropriate emblem for NYC? As the city considers the economic impact of millions of cash-rich tourists, shouldn't we think about the city residents who make this city what it really is? Isn't this the perfect occasion to honor the drunk, passed-out homeless men on street corners all over town?"

Yesterday's Page Six blind item regarding an ex-Presidential candidate's daughter who salutes her own rump stumped us all. Fortunately, we've found a revealing reference to this item in, of all places, Yale's fun-loving and foul-mouthed Rumpus magazine:

Hey — isn't anyone going to leak me any good Pulitzer Prize info? It's not like I read books or see plays — or even really read newspapers — so I don't care that much. (Oh, c'mon, you know you don't care either.) In any event, the Pulitzers are getting announced today at 3 p.m. EST, so if you've heard anything before then, drop me a line.

We won't be quoting from our most recent legal letter — which was sent on behalf of a Certain Socialite Couple Who Have Never Been A Page Six Blind Item, incidentally. (The letter is being mounted for framing as we speak! We're so proud!) Meanwhile, we're just hearing from everyone in the world today:

This is what we were waiting to hear, from an anonymous open letter to Sean Elder:

NY State Supreme Court is issuing a ruling today or tomorrow in David Gest's suit against spouse Liza Minnelli. One of the issues of contention has been that Gest refuses to come to New York from Hawaii to testify — evidently, he's too battered to do so (though not battered enough to not appear on TV, unfortunately for all of us). The court order sensibly insists that Gest be examined by an independent neurologist, instead of just by whatever quack he's paying off now.

From the sick obsessions file: Celebrity Baby Blog has launched PregWatch, which tracks who's getting knocked up (and who's adopting). Her predictions: