• Amy Winehouse may have lasted up to nine days clean of drugs before she called herself a "zombie," burned herself and did "cocaine, ecstasy, cannabis and booze." Of course the sensationalist Sun spins it negative and says she's "back in drug hell," typical. (Check out the sidebar from their "Bizarre Editor.") [Sun]

• Katie Holmes may be pregnant again. Celebrate now, there will be plenty of time to figure out which Scientology God's sperm impregnated her later. [OK!]

• Paris Hilton got engaged to Good Charlotte guitarist Benji Madden, or at least she's wearing "a Tiffany band from Benji on her ring finder," but only Page Six knows about it right now, on account of their exclusive anonymous source. Too bad there aren't photographers following her around who could maybe verify this. In any case, the public will surely greet any engagement with the same heartfelt sincerity with which Hilton accepts it. [P6]

• Alec Baldwin was snapped at a Los Angeles-are Blockbuster with his "daughter-of-a-bitch" Ireland, 12, the one he left the shameful voice mail for last year, calling her all kinds of terrible names. She wisely leaked it to the media, and now in this picture you can just see her grinning up a storm as dad hides like a scared little piggy.

• Britney Spears hanger-on Sam Lutfi must henceforth keep 250 yards from the singer because as Britney's mom reminded us, he "gave Britney Spears pills ground up in her food to keep her quiet and at one point he told Britney she had to take 10 pills a day if she wanted to see her two young children." [Reuters]

• To unveil her new video, "Break The Ice," Britney Spears will appear on Total Request Live, and has been practicing for everything at her favorite dance studio. Hopefully that includes the dance-and-boob-flash synchronization she carefully rehearsed in January, because there's nothing more embarrassing than an out-of-rhythm wardrobe malfunction. [Showbiz Spy]

• Britney Spears' stupid dad took away her stupid booze and set her bedtime at stupid 11 o'clock, but he can't make her keep on her underwear, ha ha! Despite having a Vagina Of Freedom, Spears doesn't get to see her sons, even though K-Fed thinks the toddlers would be a more mature influence on the troubled singer than alleged grown men Sam Lufti and Adnan Ghalib.

• London tabloid Daily Mail snickered at Kate Moss' bony knees during Moss' night on the town with her rocker boyfriend, but what about the frightening shot of her face at left? The tab writes, under that photo, "Kate's hard-partying ways are beginning to show on the world beauty." Or maybe it's just the tint on the limo glass? [Mail]

• Britney Spears is finally on the right path. Model Heidi Klum made her look a bit more sane by offering to fix all of Spears' problems for her, an offer that of course succeeded only in making Klum look as crazy as Dr. Phil and Courtney Love. Then Spears took another step down the path toward appropriateness and normalcy by going clubbing with her father. Everything was going so well that Spears decided the time was perfect to try on wedding dresses and steal a blouse. She ended up very glad about not wearing a bra.

• Late-night talk show host Jimmy Kimmel is, or will soon be, fucking Ben Affleck. Or at least he kind of wishes. [NYP]

• Britney Spears asked California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, through like 10 intermediaries, why he couldn't free her from the mental hospital like he did with Sarah Connor in the second "Terminator" movie, all because Maria Shriver was accidentally nice to her in the lobby of the Beverly Hills Hotel and now Britney thinks they're all friends. [Gatecrasher]

• Probably panicked that Britney Spears might, through some miracle, actually become a sober functioning human being, the paparazzi started heckling her and her parents, literally making high-pitched jungle animal noises. Some editors thought the paps were infiltrated by actual Crip and Blood gang members, as if that could somehow be worse than their actual behavior.

• After an inept or simply evil psychiatrist unleashed Britney Spears on an unsuspecting world, she made her way through crowds of scummy paparazzi to her scummy paparazzi companion, on-again-off-again manipulator Adnan Ghalib, who promptly took her to lawyers who can claw her giant pile of money back from her parents and, presumably, just set it on fire and be done with things.

• Britney Spears is in a padded room, deemed by a court-appointed lawyer too crazy to understand her own case, but the judge wants to check with a doctor to be extra sure she's mentally unfit because apparently he doesn't have access to television, print media, the Internet, radio or anyone who has consumed any news whatsoever at any point in the past two years.

Britney Spears was committed to the hospital twice this month with psychiatric problems and Heath Ledger was on tons of medication before his tragic death. Now we learn that Alex Kalev of Grey's Anatomy checked in and out of the same psych ward as Britney this week and that Kirsten Dunst is "on the verge of a breakdown" after erratic behavior at the Sundance Film Festival. Even the paps are acting strange, quitting their jobs over something called "guilt." Everyone is exhausted, sad and emotionally burned out. Meanwhile, all the twitchy, unpredictable celebrities are descending on New York for Fashion Week to compensate for missing the about-to-be-canceled Oscars. How to prevent a domino-like series of nervous breakdowns? We should, of course, turn to the sage, calming words of sobriety guru Courtney Love. Her advice for Britney and, really, all the troubled souls of the world, after the jump.

• Posh Spice has another tattoo on her wrist and it looks dumb. [Daily Mail]

• Turns out good looking gay icon and Fox News anchor Bill Hemmer is straight/in denial. [Queerty]

• Angelina Jolie wore this hideous Hermès dress to the Screen Actors Guild Awards, even though they're the new Oscars, and so now everyone thinks she's pregnant. [LA Times, Mail]

• Amy Winehouse is in rehab. No srsly this time. She is! [Mirror]

• Matthew Broderick and SJP sometimes fight. Sometimes in public. Sometimes, apparently, "downtown platform of the C/E train at Eighth Avenue and 23rd Street." [P6]