It's hard to be in the Hollywood closet. Either you're consoling your girlfriend in the ladies' room or buying expensive male escorts. A plastic surgery-obsessed star and dueling actresses are also keeping secrets. Let's throw those doors wide open.

• Nicole Kidman isn't as vanilla as she looks, apparently. She tells British GQ that she has experimented with "obsession" and "strange sexual fetish stuff," although it's unclear when all this happened. As for her marriage to Keith Urban? It's "a very extraordinary, adventurous place to be: incredibly raw, incredibly dangerous." [DM, P6]
• The first of Lindsay Lohan's dramatic calls to her dad Michael has been released, and luckily, it comes accompanied by on-screen subtitles although you may need to shower after. At one point, she tells her dad, "Mommy says that I'm worse than you are," and then, between sobs, manages to ramble on, "No one cares about me. They don't, by the way. It's about how they feel, not how I feel. It's not about me. It's never been about me." Sad. [Radar]
• In happier news, Jeremy Piven is feeling much better now that he's added soy milk to his list of food products he will no longer touch. (You may remember his little run-in with sushi last year.) Piven was chugging 12 cups of soy milk a day, but then he realized it contained estrogen and was responsible for giving him man-boobs. "It was a very confusing time," he says. [Us]

Looks like has-bian Lindsay Lohan has made the switch again—this time for a famous man. Also are Jude and Sienna back together? Is Mischa back on the sauce? Is Piven growing man boobs? Questions answered in Tuesday's gossip.

All the famous men in Hollywood are getting dumped on, two have been thrown out by their women, and a third is called an idiot by his girlfriend, who still wants his baby. And they call them leading men...

• Rihanna has a new album to promote, which explains why she's suddenly breaking her silence about the personal troubles she's faced over the past year. She addresses the Chris Brown incident in an interview in the current issue of Glamour. And she'll discuss it again on Thursday when she sits down to an interview with Diane Sawyer on Good Morning America. [People, Sun, Glamour]
• Related: Rihanna attended Mariah Carey's Halloween party the other night, but the two divas refused to exchange a word. [P6]
• Kate Hudson says she quit drinking to get ready for a film role (and not because she's pregnant). She also says the diamond ring she's been wearing is not because she's engaged to A-Rod. (She says she isn't.) [P6]

He may be a lion on the set, but he's a lamb at home, where his angry wife calls all the shots. He could be out behaving badly, like a group of lethal actors. Is there any happy medium?

• In a new interview, embattled restaurateur Giuseppe Cipriani says he has no plans to return to NYC anytime soon since he's convinced he'll be arrested if he does. He's also convinced that his problems stem from going up against Roland Betts, the co-founder of Chelsea Piers and one of George Bush's oldest friends and who, Cipriani suggests, set out to destroy him. [P6, VF]
• He may have been mayor for eight years, but Rudy Giuliani was reportedly bounced from the prime Yankees seats next to the team's dugout for game one of the World Series because Michelle Obama was in town and the White House didn't want them sitting together. [P6]
• Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie took their older kids trick-or-treating, and one child even appeared to be in a "store-bought costume." Hopefully, Angie will take the time to sit down at her sewing machine next year. [Us]
• Fame-obsessed father Jon Gosselin thinks he's simply "misunderstood." In a public forum last night with his new BF, fame-obsessed rabbi Schmuley Boteach, Gosselin announced, "I'm not a fame seeker." Then he announced he planned to "privately" apologize to his ex-wife and said that he and girlfriend Hailey Glassman haven't broken up, they're just on a break. [People, Us]

Bring Your Daughter to Work Day is a bad idea when you work on a set full of drugged-out actors. Also bad influences are a star who busted her weave and an anti-Semitic speaker. We learned it by watching them.

• Lindsay Lohan may be into boys again, at least according to the Sun, since she supposedly spent the night with a male model who she'd been seen making out with the night before and later posted a picture of her new conquest on Twitter. Whether this is a make-Sam-jealous ploy or true love is hard to say, but rest assured her dad will probably weigh in on the matter by the end of the day. [Sun]
• A brazen jewelry thief busted into Amanda Peet's Tribeca loft on Wednesday and said, "What up, bitch? I live here" to Peet's assistant when she happened to walk in on the guy. He quickly fled, but let's hope she got out a "What up, mo fo?" before he was out of earshot. [P6]
• Jessica Simpson likes "spiritual," "artistic" and "intellectual" men because she "can bore out pretty easily." And now it's totally clear why her relationship with Tony Romo didn't work out. [Extra, People]
• CNN's Lou Dobbs says he's been receiving threatening phone calls and his house was shot at due to his views on immigration. But police don't have any any record that he's reported threats in the past and they think the shot was fired by a hunter. So, per usual, Dobbs is probably just full of crap. [P6]
• Michael Jackson's dad says his son is "worth more dead than when he was alive." The world already knew that was the way he felt, of course. But no one was expecting him to come right out and say it. [NYP]

Getting ugly doesn't mean you can act, but that's what this singing starlet who really wants in the movies thinks. Other ambitious types include a celeb who demands a mountain of swag and an obnoxious photographer. It's gonna get ugly.

• Producers of Tinsley Mortimer's upcoming reality show have been looking to add more drama by staging catfights between her friends and sister and having her chase men who are really just actors. At least the producers have solved their other problem and found a few "friends" willing to appear on camera. Regulars will include Hannah Bronfman (the party-loving daughter of Edgar Jr.) and Paul Johnson-Calderon (the guy who was caught stealing purses last spring). Interesting. [P6]
• Anderson Cooper has been vacationing in India with man-friend Benjamin Maisani. And it sounds like they're having quite the time: "Cooper's $3,200-a-night room features a four-poster mahogany bed and views of the gardens of the former Maharaja palace." Oh, and this: "Anderson's room has a large round bathtub. On the first night it was filled with bubbles and sprinkled with red rose petals." How romantic. [P6]
• Madonna visited the Malawi orphanage where she adopted her son David and one of the orphans approached her and told her, "You are our god." Not surprisingly, Madonna "seemed cool with it." [Us]

Some ladies just need to clean out the closet by dumping their queer boyfriends. Others won't move into a house filled with geeky decorations, and some are getting skinny with drugs! We've got a meeting in the ladies' room...

• Rosie O'Donnell told Howard Stern yesterday that she "had a chance to romance" Angelina Jolie back when they were both single and they talked on the phone a few times, but they never ended going out for dinner as planned, alas. She also says Petra Nemcova once sent her "love signals" when the model was a guest on Rosie's talk show, but she didn't capitalize on that opportunity either. Rosie has a new satellite radio show launching next week, so don't be surprised if more of these missed love connections surface in the coming days. [NYDN, CM]
• In other creepy celebrity sex news, a new book by controversial biographer Andrew Morton claims that Angelina Jolie slept with her mother's live-in boyfriend when she was 16 years old. And a second Jolie tell-all, to be published on December 1, claims Angie once contemplated suicide, has a history of heroin use, and, when it comes to her relationship with Brad Pitt, has "successfully manipulated the public into believing a glamorous fairytale that bears little resemblance to the reality of the pair's life together." [DM, Us]
• Ashley Dupre popped by Scores last Saturday night. She didn't strip, but she did make out with her new boyfriend PJ all night, so patrons of the strip club didn't go home totally empty-handed. [P6]

There's nothing wrong with a few brewskis, but not when it comes in the way of work. Also a couple torn apart by religion and a celeb spawn's stalker extravaganza. Come on in, we've been opening your mail.

• Renee Zellweger is going to be spending the holidays with Bradley Cooper's family in Philadelphia. Meanwhile, Bradley Cooper's ex-wife, Jennifer Esposito, is now engaged to Australian tennis player Mark Philippoussis. So everyone's happy, right? Well, except for Jennifer Aniston, that is. [NYDN, People]
• Speaking of happy couples, now that they've supposedly inked their pre-nup, Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom went out and inked themselves with each other's initials, too. Marriage after just a couple months, now matching tattoos... what could possibly go wrong? [People]
• Madonna planted a tree to kick off construction of her new girls' school in Malawi. She wore heels. And she looked awkward. [AP]
• At Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner's wedding on Sunday, guests were given a gift bag containing a book in Hebrew and flip-flops with a tag that read "Ivanka and Jared—what a pair." Of course, that's a step up from the wedding invitations which contained a promotional flyer for one of Donald Trump's golf courses. [NYP]

Scientology may be having its problems lately, but it's working on one high-level recruit. Also being sought after dates for a comedian to take to an orgy and new boyfriends for a famous, married wife. Uncle Sam wants you!

• Brad Pitt lives. Although his motorcycle was rear-ended by a paparazzo's car on Saturday and he lost his balance, neither he nor his bike suffered any damage, although he did get to exchange a few "heated" words with the photographer before leaving the scene. [Us]
• Lindsay Lohan's downward spiral continues, not surprisingly. She's been dropped by her record label, Casablanca Records, and there are reports that she isn't even getting paid for her gig as Emanuel Ungaro's "artistic adviser." And she's been on a "serious shopping spree" in recent days, which probably isn't good news. Then again, she's being followed around by camera crews, so maybe this will all be turned into a reality show at some point. [P6, NYDN]
• Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner tied the knot in front of 500 guests yesterday in an "over the top" ceremony at the Trump National Golf Club in Bedminster, New Jersey. (On hand for the big event: Andrew Cuomo, Rudy Giuliani, Anna Wintour, Barbara Walters, Sheldon Silver, and Emmy Rossum, among others.) The couple is heading to Africa on their honeymoon. [NYP]

The best things in Hollywood are hidden: contracts to stay with a gay lover, condoms in clothes and handbags, celebrity couple threeways, and a sex tape...with a goat! Here we are bringing these things to light. It's God's work.

• Madonna is taking a quick trip over to Malawi this weekend "to lay the foundation stone" at the new "multi-million dollar girls school she's building." That's funny. We could swear we heard about another celebrity doing almost exact same thing not too long ago. Oh, yes, her! Hopefully this time around there's a little less controversy. And let's also hope Malawian schoolchildren are ready to study Kabbalah from dawn till dusk. [Reuters]
• In related news, Madonna's ex, Alex Rodriguez, now appears to be taking an interest in Buddhism thanks to girlfriend Kate Hudson. Or at least he's pretending to be interested in it to make her happy. You decide! [NYDN]
• Ashlee Simpson-Wentz—sister of Jessica, wife of Pete, and the character Violet on The CW's Melrose Place—is now unemployed. Melrose's producers are taking a "It's not you, it's me" approach and saying the decision to cut her out of the show had nothing to do with the fact she can't act, but was because that had been their plan for the character from the beginning. [EW, People]

This fame whore got so pissed drunk that she pissed herself and her bedmate after hooking up. Also shameful, a husband cheating on his actress wife with her best friend, and a womanizing actor. Time to change the sheets.