• Here's a rather unlikely rumor but an amusing one all the same: Prince William is supposedly thinking of moving to America with his girlfriend, Kate Middleton, and the two have been spotted house-hunting in Malibu. Frankly, if they were going to move to America—and they're probably not—we see them as more of a New York couple. And NYC could use a prince roaming around, couldn't it? Let's all cross our fingers and hope for the best. [E!]
• Countess (and not-so-real housewife) LuAnn de Lesseps was spotted hanging out with young men and doing tequila shots at a club in the Hamptons last weekend. And the earth continues to rotate on its own axis, too. [P6]
• That was quick. Just a couple of weeks after Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson supposedly reunited, the couple appears to have split up again—and it's all Nicole Richie's fault, too. Or maybe they never got back together at all? Feel free to take your pick. [E!, People, AH]

This is an oil painting, by Scottish artist Peter Howson, that a nude Madonna and her now ex-husband Guy Ritchie sat for back in 2005. It is being auctioned off in Glasgow, and is expected to go for some £22,000. Image via Getty.

An action yarn complete with ham-slamming fisticuffs and wittily bantered-about gun play, a sexy/funny love interest (Rachel McAdams), and a door hoofening sidekick (Jude Law's Watson). While some (including us) may have been hoping for something darker and more ruminative, something in the vein of From Hell (but better), we should have known better based on Ritchie's lock stocking oeuvre. Ah well.

• Is Madonna leaning on her friends to hire boy-toy Jesus Luz so he can remain in the country legally? It's possible! [P6]
• Tyra Banks is expected to take the stand this week at the trial of the man accused of stalking her and threatening her staff. [NYDN, NYP]
• Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are sending their attorneys after the couple's former bodyguard to ensure he doesn't write a tell-all about life in the Brangelina home. [NYDN]
• Salma Hayek and Francois-Henri Pinault had a second wedding in Venice this weekend; guests on hand for the occasion included Anna Wintour, Ed Norton, Stella McCartney, Bono, Charlize Theron, Woody Harrelson, Lucy Liu, Penelope Cruz, and Javier Bardem. [NYDN, People]
• Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt tied the knot this weekend, too, although the event featured fewer A-listers and many more MTV cameras. [People]

It's all relative: Madonna's way less grounded than her ex; Vancouverites are higher than Britney Spears; Tina Fey is as folksy as her neighbor; and Michael Phelps isn't quite the drunkest clubber.

• Is Billy Joel planning to split up with Katie Lee? That's what the Enquirer is claiming this week, suggesting that Katie's "cozy relationship" with "hunky designer" Yigal Azrouel has caused Billy to consider dumping her. But not until his tour ends in November, which doesn't make much sense. [National Enquirer]
• A New Jersey man says Bruce Springsteen caused the breakup of his marriage. In divorce papers, he alleges Bruce and his estranged wife have been having an affair since the two met up at a local gym more than a year ago. [Star]
• Michael Phelps "skeeved out onlookers" at Marquee on Tuesday by drinking straight from a bottle of vodka and "dancing like a loon," all while making out with his cocktail waitress girlfriend. [NYDN]
• Breaking! Brad Pitt took sons Maddox and Pax to a Dunkin Donuts in Oyster Bay yesterday morning just like a "regular guy." [Star]

• Paris Hilton is getting married! Well, sort of. America's original celebutard told reporters that boyfriend Doug Reinhardt is "going to be my husband," and now friends say they're planning a summer wedding in the Bahamas. These two are going to be together forever, just you wait and see. [E!]
• The Lindsay Lohan-Sam Ronson trainwreck rolls on: Ronson seems to have changed her mind and decided she no longer wants a restraining order; LiLo says she's "devastated" by the breakup and that everyone has turned on her. Now Lohan's friends say they're worried she's suicidal. [People, Us, TMZ]
• You didn't expect Michael Lohan to pass up a PR opportunity, did you? He says he's cleared his schedule and put aside his "numerous commitments" to help Lindsay through this crisis. [OK!]
• Madonna isn't taking her legal defeat in Malawi very well: Not only did she send her kids to stay with Guy Ritchie so she could "drown her sorrows" with Stella McCartney, she wore an "uncharacteristically mumsy outfit," too, which can't possibly be a good sign. [Sun, DM]

• Carson Daly has two reasons to get wasted today: It's St. Patrick's Day, of course. Plus he and his girlfriend Siri Pinter are new parents, too. [People]
• Jon Stewart's secret weapon in his rumble with Jim Cramer last week? His brother, Larry Leibowitz, is a senior exec at NYSE Euronext. [P6]
• A judge recalled Lindsay Lohan's arrest warrant yesterday after seeing the proof that she hadn't stopped attending a court-ordered alcohol education class after all. Also: She hasn't checked into rehab again despite reports to the contrary. Not yet, at least. [NYDN, OK!]
• Natasha Richardson was hospitalized yesterday and is now in critical condition after a skiing accident in Montreal. [People]

• Whoops! Jeremy Piven was seen eating a mercury-laden plate of tuna tartare and calamari salad last weekend, although his publicist is now denying the account. [MSNBC]
• "Insiders" say that Ivana Trump and Rossano Rubicondi did not, in fact, marry because they were hopelessly in love, but because it was all part of a deal to stir up some publicity and the two even had a contract drawn up. Our faith in romance has been crushed! [NYDN]
• How did the press know Chris Brown was in Miami with Rihanna last weekend? He told them so, silly. In related news, Rihanna is reportedly refusing to testify against him (even though prosecutors plan to move forward). And Brown is scheduled to be arraigned today, although it's unclear if he'll make a courthouse appearance. [P6, NYP, People]
• Jeff Toobin changed his Facebook status to "Married" yesterday. That'll clear everything up! [P6]

• Lindsay Lohan says she wants to convert to Judaism so she can "prove her commitment" to girlfriend Sam Ronson. She even went to the great trouble of updating her Facebook status to "I'm converting." [Daily Mail, P6]
• Katie Holmes looked "gaunt and tired" at an LA restaurant over the weekend. It could just be the elaborate security precautions wearing her down: Tom's security detail insisted on "sweeping" the eatery before anyone sat down to eat. [NYDN, MSNBC]
• Chris Brown and Rihanna have left Miami for LA and are now staying at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel. The public outrage over the reconciliation continues, though. [E!, LAT, OK!, People]
• Jimmy Fallon looked a bit "awkward" and "stiff" when his talk show made its debut last night with guests Robert De Niro and Justin Timberlake. [Us]

• After a handful of false alarms (and after claiming they were weren't even engaged) Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen finally got married yesterday, tying the knot in a small ceremony at a Catholic church in Santa Monica. [Us, People]
• It looks like Jeremy Piven won't be penalized for walking away from Speed-the-Plow, since officials from Actors' Equity and the Broadway League couldn't come to a consensus at his hearing yesterday. [NYT, NYP]
• Russell Simmons has agreed to pay Kimora $40,000 a month in child support until their daughters turn 19. [People]
• Derek Jeter is supposedly dating a 22-year-old FIT student. Given she enjoys playing his voicemails for her group of friends, you probably shouldn't expect the relationship to last very long. [NYDN]

Tough love: Nadya Suleman's mom denied her babysitting services; Christian Bale's tantrums get one celebrity hot and Mr. T has a message for unemployed pansies.

• Hope you're sitting down for this one. Donald Trump Jr. and his wife Vanessa had a baby yesterday. It was a boy. And he will now bear a burden for the rest of his life: His parents named him Donald J. Trump III. [People]
• Lindsay Lohan is launching a self-tanning line called Stay Gold. Finally! [NYDN]
• "Real Housewife" Bethenny Frankel was spotted using coupons at a hair salon. [P6]
• After dating for about half a century, Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart may finally be ready to get hitched. [Cindy Adams]
• Please note that Walter Cronkite is not related to social/art scenester Kipton Cronkite, despite his claims to the contrary. [P6]

Which is less appropriate: A brand-newmom performing at the Oscars, from bed, or an image-conscious Olympian trying to lay low in a strip club? Decide for yourself.

• Angelina Jolie was seen apartment hunting in Washington Heights. This comes weeks after Angie and Brad signed the lease on a $100,000-a-month home on Long Island. [Us, NYP]
• Michael Phelps has been hanging out at strip clubs, since it's the only place he can go without having his photo being taken. Good thinking. [P6]
• Lindsay Lohan showed up to a party at Southern Hospitality on Sunday so she could hang out with Chace Crawford. But then he ditched her and she spent the rest of the night "glued" to model May Andersen. [OK!, P6]
• Sarah Jessica Parker says the next Sex and the City movie will have to be more recession-friendly. You think? [Us]

She's done reality TV and (horrifyingly) interviewed her own daughter on the red carpet, and now Dina Lohan, mother of Lindsay and presumably other children, has an exciting new job opportunity: creepy Long Island transient.

Renee Zellweger and boyfriend Dan Abrams walking around on the Upper East Side ... Hugh Jackman having a picnic in Central Park with his wife and kids ... Daniel Radcliffe leaving Morandi on Waverly Place ... Agyness Deyn walking in the Village ... Kirsten Dunst smoking on the sidewalk ... Isla Fisher arriving at JFK with her daughter Olive ... Whitney Port getting coffee with City co-star Allie Crawford in the West Village ... Sarah Jessica Parker leaving her townhouse on Charles Street ... Lauren Hutton walking with a friend in the East Village ... Madonna, Guy Ritchie, and the kids heading into the Kabbalah Center ... Amy Adams arriving at JFK ... and Samantha Ronson leaving the Bowery Hotel.

• There was no shortage of drama at the Grammys last night. Chris Brown and Rihanna were both no-shows after Brown was arrested for allegedly assaulting the R&B singer. Usher failed to appear, too, flying down to Brazil to be with his wife, who suffered complications from a plastic surgery operation. One person who did make it to the show was M.I.A., who performed on stage with Jay-Z, Lil Wayne, T.I., and Kanye West despite being nine months pregnant. [NYP, People, EW]
• Courtenay Semel says she's been cut off by her dad, former Yahoo CEO Terry Semel, and is now trying to land a reality show to pay the bills. [NYP]
• Salman Rushdie's new girlfriend is Pia Glenn, who's 29 years his junior. [R&M]
• Peaches Geldof and rocker Max Drummey are said to be divorcing after just six months of marriage. [The Sun]

When Jennifer Aniston feels sentimental, she plays her old Brad Pitt phone messages. When Guy Ritchie feels sentimental, he does gay karaoke. When Marc Jacobs feels sentimental, he screws rentboy-style, outside.

• Arthur Sulzberger Jr. and his new girlfriend, Helen May, first met during an Outward Bound trip to Machu Picchu in 2005, according to May's husband, Kevin Ward. "I'm just sorry my wife didn't find someone more substantial. There's way less there than meets the eye." [P6]
• Etta James says she "didn't really mean" the stuff about Beyonce; she's still "miffed" at Obama for not inviting her to the inauguration. [NYDN]
• Kelly Cutrone inked a deal with Bravo for a new reality show. [P6]
• Russell Simmons is reportedly dating model Julie Henderson. [NYDN]