As we left town on Friday, our minds far from the idiotic peccadilloes of socialites' clothing budgets, the Daily News was harping about the pissed off mother of 20-year-old fashionista Amanda Hearst. Amanda appears in a Harper's Bazaar article, penned by Kristina Stewart, which recounts the actual costs of clothing, accessories, and vacations that keep Amanda on the glam train. (And as we all know, heiresses don't pay retail, if they even pay at all.)

The real problem with the Hamptons in the summer? Families beat each other senseless with twice the frequency. It's the sight of all those bastard city people lined up on the Montauk Hightway — Martha Stewart's Escalade cruises by and next thing you know, you've stuck a knife in your hubbie's skull.
Domestic Violence: Rates Rise with Summer Heat [East Hampton Star]

Earlier today, we graphed out the NYT mentions of Balthazar over its seven-year history. But we forgot one important thing — cancelling out the NYT site's search results for alleged actor Balthazar Getty! Doh! As you can see, when Mr. Getty is removed, the resulting graph forms a disturbing face. Surely this has some scientific meaning.

SoHo hotspot Balthazar gets its two stars re-affirmed this week by food critic Amanda Hesser in the NYT. (The original review, by Ruth Reichl, appeared on July 4, 1997.) The New York Times website returns 287 search results for Balthazar. Henry the Obsessive Intern plots these NYT mentions over time, and from his work we can see a couple of things:

Nice scam on Craigslist: some chick is, allegedly, selling off her Soho House membership. I sure hope she finds a buyer with a sexy "occupational area."

It's Memorial Day weekend at long last, and you'll have to make sure you get on the L.I.E. early this Friday. Dragonbar, the new restaurant/lounge in Southampton, is having their preview party on Friday night at 10, their grand opening on Saturday, and on Sunday, an evening of fashion with Michael Hilfiger. (We assume he's a... Hilfiger?)

The Bridge & Tunnel crowd invade Plaid every Friday night for an evening of "Identity: Find Yourself, Discover Yourself" at the former Spa nightclub that "boasts one of the best sound and lighting systems in New York City and is frequented by numerous celebrities." Right. Folks, you don't wanna identify yourself with any of these people. This gallery of pictures on CraigsList is like a Whatevs.org photo spread gone horribly wrong. You can almost smell the PATH train on their breath.

Lockhart Steele is closing the doors to Below 14th, his NYC downtown food and drink guide. He is celebrating with a new review each day this week so don't miss out on your last chance to make a comment. We're not exactly sure where we'll turn to for gourmand reports that aren't afraid to use the phrase "a swirling plasma TV screen that bathes the restaurant in a dim screensaver glow" but alas, he hints at a new project forthcoming. Perhaps food related? He's not revealing yet but the slaughtered cow says moo-lah.

Last night, we sent Team Party Crash — our cub reporter Briyah and our photographer Eliot from Slower.net — to the Diesel U Music Awards party. Their task: an anthropological study of hipsters in their native environment. The news in short is that big hair is in, the 80s are over, and Paris Hilton fell to us from heaven, according to Heatherette designer Richie Rich. Their full report after the jump.

Our in-house data correspondent Andrew Krucoff delivers a report on the average cost of vacation rentals:

More on Vanity Fair editor Graydon Carter's Hollywood trouble: signs of dissension at the mag may have surfaced at the Vanity Fair Tribeca Film Fest party last week. The star turnout? Not so fresh. Odder still? No tip sheet for gossip columnists. The full report on the bad party from an anonymous gossip reporter inside.

A little moral tale from a reader, in which Kim Cattrall, George Pataki, and Courtney Love meet at the airport and the fabric of space-time begins to collapse.

International Terrorist or Brooklyn Hipster? [New Yorkish]

What's going on at Soho House? There are sightings of a cranky Graydon Carter, hate mail from disgruntled members — and we hear there are THOUSANDS OF GIANT AMAZONIAN BLOOD-SUCKING LEECHES in the rooftop pool. Okay, we made that part up. A Soho House member vents:

I'm not sure how we missed this mind-expanding article on hipster gardens in today's NYT. Oh right — we haven't really been reading the paper. Too many words. But, according to one hepcat gardener, "I'm thinking about gardening as a radical political act."

The Universal Review, that odd website where they review anything, takes on the Man in the Tollbooth at the Bedford Avenue L. Let's just say he gets an F:

This week, Gawker resident statistician Andrew Krucoff (and his graphics helper, Chris Gage) take on the important issues: what does Craigslist teach us about the Lower East Side and Williamsburg?

NYU is really having a long year: homeless students, library suicides, and now everyone's gotten all bent out of shape after Julia Diaco, an NYU freshman, was arrested for selling drugs. What, do NYU's parents want their kids to trudge the mean streets of Manhattan for their dope? Isn't it better for everyone involved to have a friendly classmate making deliveries? To add to Julia's shame, here's a lovely photo of her from 1999, performing at a benefit for Clean Ocean Action. See? She loves the planet, how hardcore a dealer could she be? God, actually, she looks kind of baked.
Homeless Friend Told NYU Drug Dealer to "Get Out" of Business [Gothamist]
Flotsam & Jetsam [Clean Ocean Action]

Nightlife is dropping dead all over town: Halcyon, the crashpad for the Brooklyn unwashed, has shut down in preparation for a move to Manhattan. Likewise, Centrofly, the danceclub for post-teens who liked their drugs to be mellow, had its last party this weekend.

Quest, "the neighborhood journal that vigorously chronicles New York's social swirl," as they put it, published their annual list of 400 this month — it's now online as well. The list really has no statement, no explication, it's merely an in/out pornolalia of society names.