Last year, the Cannes Film Festival's designated troublemaker was Lindsay Lohan, who eventually ended up in jail for her probation-violating week of debauchery. With LiLo cleaning up her act stateside this year, who will be our party hearty ambassador to Cannes?

Are we really doing this? Yes, it looks like we are. Little Mermaid hair is officially "in," according to Rihanna, Blake Lively, and Scarlett Johansson. To achieve this look, soak your hair in red Kool-Aid, brush with sea salt, and rumple to taste.

Matthew Morrison flees his rat-infested home. Nicolas Cage's binge-drinking weekend melee gets weirder. David Hasselhoff is "in like" with a woman half his age. Halle Berry's custody battle forces her to quit a play. Monday gossip is filthy.

Orlando Bloom bought a bonsai tree in Malibu Valley. He spent five minutes choosing which tree to buy.

Asked about his history of violence, Chris Brown flies into a violent rage. Rob Pattinson calls Justin Bieber a liar. Bam Margera calls a girl a whale and gets punched in the face. Tuesday gossip lacks impulse control.

Supermodel Stephanie Seymour went to a nude beach on St. Barts this past weekend. [Photo via INF]

According to TMZ, police are raiding Charlie Sheen's Beverly Hills' home in a "pre-planned raid" tonight:

Hey bitches and Kath-eters alike, I'm the new intern at Gawker. Here's my first journalistic assignment. Enjoy these photo captions. Oh, I'm on an Ambien, Adderall & the world's last remaining Quaalude.

Arriving in Toronto for a concert, Lady Gaga stopped for a quick photo shoot with Terry Richardson. [Image via INF]

Holly Madison recommends using "body makeup to cope." Lindsay Lohan tells her dad to STFU. Justin Bieber is sorry for flipping off the paparazzi. Willow Smith falls asleep at a meeting with Jay-Z. Thursday's gossip roundup has it both ways.

Kelsey Grammar is currently on vacation in Miami with his new fiance Kayte Walsh (who spells her named like a reality show contestant). These horrifying images of their public intimacy will give you nightmares, even while you're awake. Here they are making out at their hotel. [Image via INF]

Ashton Kutcher and ageless simulacra of a human female Demi Moore lounge on a beach on the Caribbean. Ashton's book? The Youth Pill: Scientists at the Brink of an Anti-Aging Revolution. Or, as Demi likes to call it, "All the Scientists I'm Going to Bribe for Experimental Cosmetic Procedures Next Week." [Image via INF]

Rihanna celebrates looking sexy in a leaked sexting picture. Lindsay Lohan wears a shoplifted necklace. Mariah Carey is expecting twins. Wednesday's gossip roundup is comfortable with its body.

[Staring down cheerleaders at the Lakers-Celtics game, Zac Efron's face reveals feelings more complicated than those he exhibits in movies. Image via INF, click to enlarge.]

Britney Spears overshadows the bride at a wedding. Claire Danes flies coach, and won't stop bragging about it. Charlie Sheen's rehab will take three months. David Arquette is done with rehab. Monday gossip is momentous.

Jake and Taylor rendezvous in Nashville—but was it ex sex or postmortem wallowing? Macaulay Culkin parties with a porn star. Jesse James and Kat Von D are engaged. Bill Clinton is Cameron and A-Rod's third wheel. TGIFriday gossip.

No one knows how to party like the guidettes of Jersey Shore, the most important sociological experiment of our time. But the drinking can go from fun to filthy. Let us have a close look at Snooki's drunkest moment.

Last week, pictures of Stephanie Seymour frolicking in the ocean with her 18-year-old son set the blogosphere aflame. Now, Peter Brant II takes a break from high school to put all of us—and our celebrity industrial complex—to shame.

When I first saw these amorous images, I thought supermodel Stephanie Seymour had taken a young lover. But—surprise!—that is actually her 18-year-old son. How close is too close when it comes to mothers and sons?

The most saccharine couple ever to grace a celebrity glossy breaks up. Palm Desert police say Lindsay Lohan violated her probation. Meg Ryan and John Mellencamp are dating. Kelli Pickler is married. Wednesday gossip is a Taylor Swift break-up ballad.