Aging movie star Jack Nicholson tried to put together a video endorsement of Hillary Clinton using clips from his old movies, but just ended up creating this weird creepy thing that doesn't really help the struggling Democratic presidential nominee. The idea was that Nicholson's characters would say things that, ripped from the original context, sound vaguely supportive of Hillary. But of course no one can forget the original context. In the endorsement video, Nicholson's character from "the Shining" says to a bartender, "things could be a whole lot better," which is supposed to be a nod to Clinton's platform of change. But in the movie, Nicholson then goes on terrifying kill-crazy rampage — not exactly the kind of guy you want delivering your political message. More creepy: Nicholson's Marine officer character from "A Few Good Men says in the endorsement video, "There is nothing on this earth sexier, believe me, gentlemen, than a woman you have to salute in the morning." Which is kind of fun and racy. But here's how that line continued in the movie: "Promote 'em all, I say, 'cause this is true: if you haven't gotten a blowjob from a superior officer, well, you're just letting the best in life pass you by." Full insane ad after the jump.

Talking to AARP The Magazine (the #2 periodical for readers over 65, after Kirk Douglas's Senior Moments), veteran Hollywood horndog Jack Nicholson conceded he may, at the ripe age of 70, have begun to slow down in his legendary panty-chasing ways:

[Jack Nicholson, befuddled old actor and enormous sandwich eater, out and about in Paris today; image via INF]
(Click to enlarge)

It's often in this relative slow-news stretch before the holidays that some of the most astonishing celebrity revelations come to light: Perhaps, with New Year's resolutions right around the corner, they feel the time is right to relieve themselves of something weighing heavily upon their conscience, such as, say, the 9000 illegitimate children they've roughly calculated to have sired throughout their four-decade reign atop Hollywood's Perennial Bachelor Mountain.

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time you spotted Jeff Garlin at an "Up With Kirk!" rally.

Elevating the fun of celebrity lookalikes to the level of coffee-table art, photographer Alison Jackson poses the rent-a-doppelgängers in a wide variety of scandalous and humiliating poses in her book Confidential (examples include "Brad Pitt shaving Angelina Jolie's legs; a jailed Paris Hilton paying another inmate to scrub her toilet bowl; and a masked Michael Jackson putting lipstick on a crying baby," reports Page Six). We particularly enjoyed the above image, pulled from the book's website, imagining Jack Nicholson taking full advantage of his Hurricane Harbor family pass. It's just the sunny, festive tonic we all could use during these cold days and nights of placard-wielding strife. The uncensored picture can be found at Taschen.com.

In GQ, Francis Ford Coppola speaks truth to scene-chewing-actor power by lamenting how the careers of once-hungry artists Al "Two for the Money" Pacino, Meet the Fockers star Robert DeNiro, and Jack Nicholson (still kind of awesome) have turned out: "I met both Pacino and De Niro when they were really on the come," Coppola tells GQ's Nate Penn. "They were young and insecure. Now Pacino is very rich, maybe because he never spends any money; he just puts it in his mattress. De Niro was deeply inspired by (Coppola's studio American) Zoetrope and created an empire and is wealthy and powerful.Nicholson was — when I met him and worked with him — he was always kind of a joker. He's got a little bit of a mean streak. He's intelligent, always wired in with the big guys and the big bosses of the studios. I don't know what any of them want anymore. I don't know that they want the same things. Pacino always wanted to do theater ... (He) will say, 'Oh, I was raised next to a furnace in New York, and I'm never going to go to L.A.,' but they all live off the fat of the land." [Rush & Molloy]

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time you spotted Sarah Connor at a 7-11.

• Jack Nicholson has to continually drink water in order to swallow anything, because his salivary glands have stopped working. [Page Six]
  

From the mailbag:

"Jack Nicholson has been vacationing in St. Tropez and while there he has been wearing Vilebrequin swimtrunks. Vilebrequin was founded in St. Tropez so it is only fitting Mr. Nicholson wear the swimsuits made famous in the famous beach resort of the international jet set and Hollywood celebs. The whimsical balloon patterned swimtrunks from Vilebrequin's summer collection were actually purchased in Vilebrequin's Beverly Hills boutique and retail for $170.00."

"You saw that news photo on Page Six of a chunky fatty Jack Nicholson inhaling a foot-long sandwich as thick as his own midsection? Well, Cuba has one special hotel in a redone mansion in Old Havana. It has the equivalent of a presidential suite. In it you are told—if not actually shown the specific spot—that: 'This is where Jack Nicholson threw up.'" Some days we just want to give Cindy Adams a great big old hug.

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let everyone know about the time you spotted foul-mouthed movie set mutineer Lily Tomlin on your Southwest flight into Burbank.

Our initial disappointment that this video didn't deliver its promised clip of Gwyneth Paltrow talking about the YouTubes at last night's Oscar ceremony quickly gave way to awe as we realized what we'd actually stumbled upon: Some cameraphone footage smuggled out of VF's legendary Morton's bash, in which a newly bald Jack Nicholson proves once and for all that he only shaved his head to play the part of a terminal cancer patient and not because of any mysterious malady of his own, demonstrating his incredible health by removing his shirt and jumping repeatedly into a hastily constructed bonfire. The audio's garbled to the point of incomprehensibility, but we could swear we hear him say, "Now bring me Reese Witherspoon. All that bouncing around's got me all revved up!" after his final tumble through the flames.

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in obsessively. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and impress everyone by breaking Fabio down to his fashion-nightmare fundamentals.

By liberally expanding its definition of "snubbed" from "someone we might have reasonably expected to be nominated, but wasn't" to "anyone with a SAG card who wasn't awoken by a congratulatory phone call this morning," The Envelope has quickly compiled a fairly encyclopedic list of inconsolable also-rans. Since we're all acutely aware of Dreamgirls' pain this morning, we select the male acting categories for snub spotlighting:

We here at Defamer love the holiday season for no other reason than the bounty of movie critics' year-end lists and awards it brings us, like decrees handed down from on high from our pull-quote producing, thumb-direction-assigning cinematic sages. The Broadcast Film Critics Association adds another layer of intrigue to the process, dragging things out heightening the suspense by first releasing a list of nominees in every category, and later announcing the winners at the E!-broadcast Critics' Choice Awards—a mini-Oscars, as it were, only with the added feature of having Ryan Seacrest backstage to helpfully offer select Best Actor and Supporting Actor nominees stress-relieving lower back rubs. A partial list of the nominees, from The Envelope:

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are now posted several times a week—so send them in often. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and contribute to what could possibly turn into a perfect Terms of Endearment star-spotting trifecta:

At Defamer HQ, there is hardly an event more breathlessly anticipated than Miss Golden Globes Day, in which the Hollywood Foreign Press announces which teenage celebrity offspring will be plucked from relative obscurity, momentarily paraded on stage during their alcohol-drenched awards ceremony in an extravagant gown, and then immediately returned to a life of languishing in the shadow of their famous parents, left with little more than the fleeting sensory memory of the overpowering whiskey fumes rising off slurry presenter Harrison Ford. At a ceremony taking place earlier today, Lorraine Nicholson (the 16-year-old daughter of multiple Globe-winner Jack, should you not be familiar with her work), like every Miss Golden Globe that has come before her, emerged from a twenty-foot-tall, gilded vagina representing "Mother Hollywood" (modeled, legend has it, on the ladyparts of pioneering actress Mary Pickford), a powerfully symbolic entrance dramatizing the honoree's glorious rebirth into the show-business community. Please join us in recognizing young Nicholson on this special day, then in looking forward to the profoundly uncomfortable moment in which daughter and proud, scene-chewing Dad appear together onstage, when Jack will find himself unable to resist the temptation to tick off the names of each of Lorraine's predecessors with whom he's enjoyed a sexual relationship.

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are now posted several times a week—so start sending them in more often. Send yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let the world hear all about the time Aaron Sorkin betrayed his high-minded comic tastes for the hilarious, acorn-hoarding hijinks of a prehistoric squirrel.