Saturday night, Justin Timberlake announced via Instagram that he and an unnamed, seemingly Caucasian torso (maybe his wife's?) are expecting a child.

It's hard to imagine a more annoying celebrity dad than Ashton Kutcher, but good news: God has blessed Justin Timberlake and his wife (who?) with a beautiful fetus. US Weekly reports that Timberlake is expecting his first child with Jessica Biel.

On Wednesday, we showed you parts of a video shown to guests at Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel's fabulous wedding, made by one of Timberlake's friends, featuring a bunch of L.A. street people wishing the newlyweds well. Because what's funnier than watching desperately poor people on TV when you're surrounded by extravagant luxury and millionaires? Today, Timberlake apologized.

After the guests at Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel's wedding were whisked to southern Italy via private jet last week, they were greeted by a video produced by Timberlake's longtime pal, L.A. real estate agent Justin Huchel. The video had a gag: Huchel hit the streets of Los Angeles and asked a bunch of homeless people, street musicians, and transexuals to wish the multimillionaire newlyweds well. Funny, funny stuff.

People Magazine released the first image from Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel's wedding Wednesday, and in so doing confirmed that Jessica Biel was but an extravagantly dressed attendee of Justin Timberlake's wedding to himself.

Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel are one step closer to divorce, as the couple has just confirmed to People they are now married.

Engaged couple and perfect criminals because who would ever suspect them Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake are reportedly planning to pull off their most daring heist yet or maybe just get married this weekend, according to multiple reports.

Acknowledging her own Internet meme and then one-upping it with a good-natured joke? If this tweet doesn't guarantee Jessica Biel an Oscar, then the academy is dead to me.

Noted gossip columnist Janet Charlton claims an insider spilled the bouquet on the secret wedding ceremony of on-again, off-again partners Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake, which supposedly took place this Saturday in Jackson Hole, Wyoming.

It may not be quite what many have been anticipating since the release of his last studio album six years ago, but Justin Timberlake will be returning to the medium that made him famous when he provides the score for Bill Purple's upcoming feature directorial debut, The Devil and the Deep Blue Sea.

Singing labradoodle Justin Timberlake has reportedly (but not confirmedly) proposed to on-and-off girlfriend Jessica Biel, who reportedly said "yes."

Jessica Biel stopped by tonight's Late Show to chat with David Letterman and promote New Year's Eve, rom-com king Garry Marshall's star-studded regurgitation of 2010's inexplicably successful Valentine's Day. At one point, Letterman read Biel a list of about 15 of her A-list co-star to see how many of them she'd actually filmed with—any guesses?

Scotty McCreery misses his cue. Brad Pitt wasn't always a tragically overweight, dumpy-looking urchin with a comb-over. Kim Kardashian exposes herself to The Poors and learns the true meaning of Thanksgiving. Today's Gossip Roundup is sitting on the couch with some turkeys, playing video games and eating pumpkin pie topped with mashed potatoes instead of Cool Whip.

Justin Bieber's not the first person who's been accused of fathering Mariah Yeater's baby. Kate Middleton is already the subject of pregnancy rumors. And after firing everyone else, Hilary Swank gets fired herself. Saturday gossip is highly intelligent, very wise.

Lindsay Lohan is an Italian fashion plate. Emily Deschanel gives birth. Scarlett Johansson's late-night rendezvous with Timberlake. Bethenny Frankel's maritime rescuer thinks she's a jerk. Minka Kelly's butt gets slapped. Thursday gossip makes love to the camera.

Adele vomits constantly, but it's more anxiety disorder than eating disorder. Madonna ridicules a fan on an open mic. Alyson Hannigan isn't pregnant, just bloated. Alexander Skarsgard growls at girls. Tuesday gossip is body conscious.

Lindsay Lohan propositions Chris Brown. Kim Kardashian "wants babies." Timberlake romances Jessica Biel again. Lauren Bush's wedding will feature a rodeo and a saloon. Tuesday gossip gets back on the horse.

Jennifer Aniston is taking a break. Josh Hartnett pulls a "Don't you know who I am?" Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel reunite. Lenny Kravitz speaks out about "instrument bigotry." Wednesday gossip needs "me" time.

Bret Lockett's story gets weirder and weirder. Kim Kardashian's wedding photos are worth $1 million. Gerard Butler and Jessica Biel are getting close. Sunday gossip is checking in to sexting rehab.

Ice-T and Coco give marriage advice. Is Jennifer Aniston a boyfriend stealer? Thandie Newton names the director who took advantage of her when she was 16. Ed Westwick gets in a shoving match at a bar. Tuesday gossip is aggressive.