• Despite their matching dice tattoos, model-heiress Lydia Hearst claims she and testes-elephantiasis sufferer Cisco Adler are not, like, a thing. [Page Six]
  

Spencer Morgan goes deep inside the mind of 23-year-old Page Six Magazine columnist and magazine-dynasty heiress-model Lydia Hearst and finds out what astute readers may have already come to suspect: she's not very bright in some ways. I mean, she keeps saying she's "definitely not a socialite" or "airhead" but we keep not believing her. For good reason!

As noted femiblogger Moe Tkacik coolly observes, party gal Lydia Hearst has a diary page in Page Six Magazine in which she decries tabloid celebutards and also gives readers insight into what it means to be wealthy, young, intemperate, macabre, shallow, vapid, viscous and blithe. In the current Hearst Chronicles, we learn that Lydia and her friends have a thing called Factory 2.0. In her words, it's a "Andy Warhol-esque atmosphere in our own time."

• Michelle Williams is rumored to be joining her estranged husband Heath Ledger in leaving her giant Brooklyn house behind in favor of Manhattan. Time to call up Celebrity Movers! [Page Six]
  

Dear heiress-model Lydia Hearst, you are self-plagiarizing and retelling all your good Roberto Cavalli anecdotes! Either that or you are living in "Groundhog Day." Somehow the latter seems more likely, it would explain so much! [NYO]

"I will be the first to say that I have had a charmed life. I get to travel to places and have adventures that most people don't. I get to design handbags and walk runways. So why not write about it?" asks 21-year-old William Randolph Hearst estate heiress and Heatherette muse Lydia Hearst. Well! Because you're not a writer? Though we suppose that has never stopped anyone before. Also, Lydia has some unexpected pearls of actual wisdom to disperse. Unsurprisingly, though, they are set into the same Page Six Magazine column-jewel as several totally Kenneth Jay Lane fake pearls of complete and utter retardation. Which is which is for you to decide.

• Britney Spears put soda in her kids' baby bottles and then tried to get a dentist to whiten their little teeth. [Us]
  

On last night's Extra, socialite Lydia Hearst offered these words: "Even if it is just going to a party, that's a lot harder than most people think." Also, she claims that "socialites try to marry into money, and heiresses sort of come from it?" We never thought someone would make Tinsley Mortimer look like a genius, but we think Lydia just did.

• The Daily News tracks Lindsay Lohan's decline via family snapshots! Dina Lohan's 1986 hair is the best news we've read today. [NYDN]
  

Sure, Olivia Palermo is on the cover of New York magazine. But Isaiah Wilner's hotly anticipated article isn't really about her at all. Nor is it really about Valentine and Olga Rei, the Russian stepsiblings who have finally officially outed themselves as the creators of now-defunct website Socialite Rank, which "wiped out what little dignity New York society had left." (Hilarious!) It's especially not about Lydia Hearst, who had complained to Socialite Rank that she'd been told the article would be about "my career as a model and entrepreneur and success and my handbag"—she is mentioned in the article only as a "nonstop e-mailer" of the site. And it's not about Tinsley Mortimer, and it's not about Fabiola Beracasa. It's not even about unearthing the truth about Olivia's shameful, and possibly fake, letter ("there are four basic theories") to fellow socials, or whether or not Tinsley really elbowed her at that charity fashion show ("the alleged incident"). Turns out, it's all about the mastermind behind Park Avenue Peerage, Socialite Rank's successor-site. He's a University of Illinois freshman named James Kurisunkal. "I live in Urbana, near a farm... I'm like—I'm not even white!" It gets better.

Model-heiress Lydia Hearst seems slightly peeved that the controversial New York magazine article Isaiah Wilner's working on won't actually be, as promised, all about her: "They contacted my managers and set up an interview saying it was supposed to be about my career as a model and entrepreneur and success and my handbag, and then when I sat down they said the whole story was about Olivia and that's it. Nothing wrong with that, but it's just interesting that a story would be pitched so inaccurately," she sniped to Socialite Rank. As discussed, she's not the only social-lady who has a bone to pick with Isaiah. What's up with this guy, anyway? Is he just sensibly refining his angle from the general to the specific as he works on his socialite story—hey, like Lydia said, nothing wrong with that!—or is he preying on these girls' gullibility unfairly? Does he have a history of ethically questionable behavior? Let's turn back the clock to the heady late 90s....

We originally ran a large version of the image at right, but it caused a cascade of burst blood vessels in our frontal lobe. Witness the power of formerly blonde moppet socialite model critter Lydia Hearst, freshly redheaded because she's all about change. Hearst tells the New York Post, "There is no other standout redhead on the runway." She actually was kinda cute and doll-like with the blondeness, but when she does that skull-splitting grin thing with the red hair and shellacked complexion ... well, the brain-damaging giant-size pic is after the jump. Steel yourself, then judge.

• Katie Couric's first week is accompanied by her first blog, a rambling, 10000-word treatment on the importance of being perky, complete with Karen Carpenter lyrics. Congrats, Katie. You're really done something. [Couric & Co.]
• Kazakhastan is now denying that Borat will be a topic during meetings with the U.S. This is just fantastic, isn't it? An international debate on whether or not a fictional character will be discussed at a diplomatic summit. No wonder the terrorists hate us. [The Blotter]
• If JK Rowling has to give up the manuscript for the final Harry Potter book, then the terrorists really have won. [BBC]
• Fashion Week is all about luxurious balls. [Coutorture]
• Lydia Hearst fashion porn: scary, and yet we can't look away. [Bastardly]
• Path to 9/11 producers depict American Airways personnel cheerfully letting Mohammad Atta on the plane; it was actually cheerful US Airways personnel who did so, and it's going to cost ABC some advertising dollars. [Consumerist]
• Jay McInerney has yet to master the art of walking while tipsy. You'd think, but you'd be wrong. [Belle in the Big Apple]
• Sure is hard to make friends in this town. [NYP]
• Watching a blogger get his first death threat is like watching your child take his first steps. He's not our baby, but we're still proud of him. [Goldenfiddle]
• Read the New Yorker and live to be 102. Yay, ancient people! Yay, Conde Nast! [EmDashes]
• Critics still really, RILLY love The Wire. [Test Pattern]
• Drinking = money. No, really. Rejoice! [AP]