Lourdes wishes her mom didn't date men young enough to be her brother. A woman named Skittles Valentine tells all about her Jesse James orgy. Khloe Kardashian goes Girls Gone Wild. Thursday's gossip roundup is overexposed.

Two of that show's stars are tromping back onto television. Also today: a biopic gets a benefactor, Madonna makes a bad life choice, and aieee!!! Godzilla!!!

Lady Gaga's former bassist wants his royalties. Sandra Bullock gets a divorce lawyer. Her husband's tattooed mistress loses a job for being a Nazi. Madonna leaves New York. Kate Gosselin can't dance. Tuesday's gossip is embarrassing itself in public.

She just can't forgive Tiger for sleeping with a porn actress. Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz reunited. Michael Jackson signs a deal from beyond the grave. Every New Yorker hates Brooke Shields. Tuesday's gossip is not taking it anymore.

Seriously! It was not bad last night. And if Madonna didn't try to take over every single conversation, it would almost have been good. Only one problem, this is the only week with Larry David and Ricky Gervais.

You're never too young to have a personal brand. Madonna and her precociously stylish 13-year-old daughter are co-designing Material Girl, a teen clothing line that will hopefully resist the urge to stamp "Material Girl" on the seats of gym shorts.

"Mother-daughter stripper pole" is a phrase you don't hear often for a reason. Gwyneth Paltrow spends time with another male musician. Howard Stern makes fun of Gabourey Sidibe. Vigilante sorority closes in on Roethlisberger. Wednesday gossip crosses the line.

Carey Mulligan won't let Shia drink. Russell Simmons lets slip he's got a huge dick. Mo'Nique acts like a diva. Mariah Carey acts like her spanx has cut off circulation to her brain. Sunday gossip has Oscars fever.

St. Naomi uses her money to buy her way into heaven. Jon Gosselin has a small wang, The McSteamy's have a baby, Lindsay Lohan is doomed, and Angelina banged Mick Jagger. For Friday's gossip, you're stuck with me.

Kathy Griffin just played an over-the-top lesbian activist on Law & Order. It was so overblown, that it made us think that the portrayal of lesbians has been regressing recently. Inside, the historical arc of on-air girl-on-girl smooching.

If a fight broke out, who would survive? Brad colludes with Angelina's kinda incestuous brother. Matthew Fox's stripper may have faulty memory. Madonna's boytoy stands in a corner and cries. Another day, another reality star sex tape. Thursday gossip arrives.

Is "fishers of men" a euphemism for cruising? Adam Lambert kisses a girl. Shakira makes fetal position sexy. Lil' Wayne has eight root canals. The guy who punched Romney is a famed rapper. Friday gossip wants to drill, baby, drill.

Don't worry, she followed it up with "shhh." A Real Housewife gets bounced from Fashion Week. Kelly Osbourne and Peaches Geldof's elaborate dance of avoidance implodes. John Mayer's so far gone, even Oprah won't touch him. Wednesday gossip cometh.

We were so excited by the new Glee promo that's going to be on Entertainment Tonight! We love this show so, so much that we don't want it to ever get bad. Don't worry, Glee, we're here to help!

Unless it's a dance craze called "the boozy ostrich"? Madonna celebrates Carnival with Jesus Luz. Britney celebrates V-Day with saturated fats. Simon Monjack dismantles his Brittany Murphy charity. Heidi Montag finally moves her face. Monday's gossip roundup is hungover.

• NBC's coverage of the Winter games began on somber note today. [LAT]
• Vogue's on a roll! Not only was Tina Fey's scar airbrushed off the cover of the March issue, the mag screwed up the letter sent out to promote it, too.
• Harold Ford has taken a leave of absence as a political analyst for NBC while he decides whether to try and carpetbag his way to a Senate seat. [NYO]
• Ellen DeGeneres is the new Oprah Winfrey, apparently. [NYT]
• Project Runway contestants showed their work at Fashion Week today. [AP]
• Madonna will make a rare TV appearance as a "marriage referee" on Jerry Seinfeld's forthcoming reality show. Here's hoping she won't be asked to dispense advice on how to keep a marriage together. [Reuters]
• On the off chance you're interested in taking part in a reality TV show, you may wish to note that there's now a job board for that very purpose. [Wrap]
• Is 82-year-old Condé Nast boss Si Newhouse a Lady Gaga fan? Indeed! [P6]

As a society, we've come so far: Men can use stripping as a path to stardom, and women can assuage their mid-life crises by dating pretty young things. Sadly, though, one cornerstone of the patriarchy remains: If a wife earns more than her husband, he'll probably find that, well, a major boner-killer. It's a problem that's plaguing more and more relationships, since 75 percent of the people who lost their jobs during the recession were men. And if you're married to one of those men, then the rent-a-quote psychologists on the Daily News' speed-dial feel sorry for you:

"Malawi's government has told a group of villagers they will have to move to make way for a $15 million girls' school being built by pop star Madonna. Residents have refused to leave the site just outside Lilongwe, the capital." [AP]

More than 200 villagers have to move from land Madonna bought from the government for a $15m girls' school just outside the capital, Lilongwe. Don't worry though, they got 16m Kwacha in compensation. That's a lot of Kwacha. [AP]

• Alec Baldwin was rushed to Lenox Hill Hospital early this morning. What happened? That's still unclear for the time being. Although whatever it was, it couldn't have been all that serious considering the hospital released him about an hour later. [People]
• Did John Edwards propose to Rielle Hunter the same day he finally fessed up to being the father of Hunter's 2-year-old baby? Are they now planning to move into a $3.5 million beachfront home where they'll live happily ever after? That's what the National Enquirer reported yesterday. And it's probably best not to doubt the tabloid when it comes to tawdry revelations about America's sleaziest politician. [NYP, P6]
• John Mayer made a bunch of stupid comments in an interview with Playboy earlier this week. And he's been apologizing for them ever since. [Us, P6]
• A new season of Real Housewives of New York City returns in a couple of weeks and Kelly Bensimon is doing her damndest to remain front and center. She's got a new boyfriend (Top Chef contestant Sam Talbot, who split with his wife recently); and she'll soon appear nude in Playboy and says she prepared for the shoot by drinking Corona and eating chicken wings. [P6, Us]