The long-awaited political news of the year is here. Malia Obama, perhaps the coolest Obama, has announced her university pick, that bastion of crimson smugness, Harvard University.

GOP candidates definitely know that “Malala” is the name of a prominent person that exists. This much we know. GOP candidates do not, however, seem to have any idea who Malala Yousafzai is—or in Jeb Bush’s case, that she is not, in fact, Barack Obama’s daughter.

The Brown University student newspaper, the Daily Herald, is very sorry that Brown students shared photos of 17-year-old Malia Obama in the general vicinity of a pyramid of red Solo cups that may or may not have been used for beer pong (which the First Daughter may or may not have been playing).

Malia Obama, eldest daughter of the President of the U.S. and possible Joey Bada$$ superfan, is currently touring prospective colleges to decide which one she would like to attend and, according to some student narcs she encountered this week, learn the game of beer pong.

Barack Obama may have had to make some difficult decisions as president, but surely none of those compare to that with which his daughter Malia, a high school senior, is now confronted: to which elite universities should she submit a college application?

America’s First Teen, Malia Obama, is interning this summer for Lena Dunham on the set of Girls, TMZ reports.

Brooklyn rapper Joey Bada$$ recently got some free press from Malia Obama, who took a photo wearing the shirt of his Pro Era movement. Pro Era posted the photo on Instagram after getting it from "a mutual friend of Malia and a Pro Era," and the White House reportedly launched an investigation into how it got out.

The White House is looking into how what appears to be a selfie of the president's 16-year-old daughter, Malia Obama, sporting the t-shirt of Joey Bada$$'s rap crew, Pro Era, made it onto the internet. And also where they can get one of those shirts, and whether Malia can get them Bada$$'s autograph please?

Is this photo, which surfaced mysteriously online Monday and was immediately employed by the Pro Era rap crew to promote their official merchandise on Instagram, in fact a photo of Malia Obama, or just a very very very close doppelgänger?

Elizabeth Lauten, the GOP staffer who resigned Monday morning after calling President Obama's teenage daughters classless, was arrested when she was 17 for shoplifting, according to the Smoking Gun.

Three days after stupidly criticizing Malia and Sasha Obama's perfect teen reaction to their dad's turkey pardoning ceremony, GOP staffer Elizabeth Lauten told NBC News that her resignation as the communications director for Tennessee Rep. Steven Fincher is "in the works."

For most people, Sasha and Malia Obama's spiritless appearance at this year's White House turkey pardon was a lesson about humility, showing how even the world's most powerful man is still just "ugh, Dad" to his teenage daughters. But one Republican House staffer saw something else entirely: two girls dishonoring America with their slutty clothes and brazen teen-ery.

In the movie First Kid (1996), President Paul Davenport's son Luke is known as a brat who rebels against his protection detail. That is, until Secret Service agent Sam Simms (Sinbad) befriends him by teaching him how to be cool. This weekend, Malia Obama went to Lollapalooza.

Michelle Obama dragged her daughters, Malia, 15, and Sasha, 12, out for a visit with her friend Mrs. Carter in Chicago last night, even though Mrs. Carter only ever wants to talk about mortgages and interest rates and mulch and Sasha and Malia would rather spend their time snapchatting pix of their dog to their friends.

"WHO WAS THAT BOY?!" Twitter yelled, in a panic.

Justin Bieber becomes a criminal battery suspect. Cynthia Nixon marries her girlfriend. Lindsay Lohan flees a $40,000 tanning salon bill. David Beckham likes to eat babies. Tuesday gossip is for old times' sake.

An earthquake registering 7.9 on the Richter scale struck outside of Acapulco, Mexico, and was felt throughout nearby Mexico City. The epicenter is also not far from Oaxaca, where Malia Obama is allegedly spring breaking.

The Obama White House can be terrible at leading the nation. It's been incredibly soft on Wall Street and often horrible on basic human rights. But it can stand proud on its family Facebook policy! At a time when American parents help sneak their legally underaged kids onto Facebook, Sasha and Malia Obama are quite sensibly told to stay away from the social network.

It's the 70th anniversary of the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor, and across the internet, the right wing is commemorating this world-historical event the only way it knows how: by insinuating bizarre things about the Obamas.

Last night Michelle Obama unveiled this year's White House Christmas decorations and the first family lit the National Christmas Tree. It's no Rockefeller Center, but it's something! In honor of the holiday season taking over the country's most prestigious domicile here's a look at how 1600 Pennsylvania Ave, NW, has looked over the years.