It wasn't irony so much as a stereotypical metaphor, but it was unquestionably worse than rain.

Don't hate-read the New York Times "Weddings and Celebrations" section without Wedding Crunchers, a new database that lets you search through 60,000 announcements from 1981 to 2013, and watch status symbols rise and fall, like a curtseying debutante, over time.

According to Jim, this is how his 30-year-old wife acts "when she does not get her way."

Women be cheating on their husbands 40% more than they did 20 years ago.

Are you in California? Are you married to a same-sex partner? If so, how will today's Supreme Court decisions on gay marriage will affect your life? Head into comments to let Gawker readers know.

Cybermillionaire Nick Denton, the former owner of First Tuesday and Oddjack and current principal of Blogwire Hungary Szellemi Alkotast Hasznosito KFT, plans to marry his boyfriend next year, according to an exclusive report in the New York Daily News.

R&B diva/proud songwriter/walking Lisa Frank sticker book Mariah Carey renews her vows to her husband Nick Cannon every year. I put it that way because it is clear that Mariah is pulling the strings in this relationship, including the one attached to Nick's back that delivers compliments on demand, like he's a custom-made Talking Pee-Wee Herman Doll: "You're #beautiful, just like the title of your upcoming stone groove smash hit wonder with Miguel, Mariah!" "You are the biggest selling female recording artist of all time, Mariah!" "Pee on me!" You know, things of that nature.

When a man cat-sitting for a friend was attacked while attempting to feed his houseguest (the cat), he took it well. And by took it well, I mean he decided to sue the cat's owner for the entirely reasonable sum of $100,000.

With observers feeling that the Supreme Court is going to stop short of a constitutional right to gay marriage, and several liberal justices voicing their concerns about why they were hearing this case at all, the question becomes which justices pushed for the court to take the case in the first place?

Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz made news last week after reportedly telling shareholder Tom Strobhar "fuck you!" - not in so many words - after Strobhar questioned Schultz on the company's support for marriage equality, suggesting that he simply sell his shares if he didn't like Starbucks' stance on the issue.

Magnet-powered mutant ultranationalist Magneto will set aside his political convictions for a day and officiate the wedding of his old friend and sometime enemy, assimilationist schoolmaster Professor Charles Xavier. Sort of.There are real human beings involved, but some of us have dreamed of writing this headline for years, so let's just pretend for a second:

Did you know Janeane Garofalo has been married for 20 years? She didn't either. The marriage was dissolved yesterday.

Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel are one step closer to divorce, as the couple has just confirmed to People they are now married.

When we hear about unmarried young couples living together in sin, we're like "Sure, kids these days are living in sin, rejecting god, and fornicating nightly in Lucifer's glory, what else is new?" But now we hear that older couples are also living together in sin. Aren't you older couples old enough to know the teachings of Jesus, about not living in sin?

The sonogram technician, Tina, is short, conservative. Her two children smile from pictures of birthday parties past, blonde and generic, proof that life in all its red, white and blue glory does go on. The younger of the two is missing teeth, mugging for the camera and aiming an ice cream cone directly at the viewer. You are not at the point where you resent other people's children, though you can see how it sometimes happens.

Looks like you really will be the last person you know to be married: a scrap of ancient papyrus that some scholars are calling a new gospel suggests that confirmed bachelor Jesus Christ may, in fact, have had a wife.

Pre-wedding jitters are normal: everyone gets cold feet. At least, that's how the conventional wisdom goes.

Natalie Portman wed her babydaddy Benjamin Millipied, the choreographer who helped find her inner Black Swan.

For conservatives from Washington state, one anti-gay marriage initiative on the ballot wasn't quite good enough, so they pushed for two. Thankfully, one of the initiatives failed.