Teen boys: there's no telling where their libidos might take them. Nineteen-year-old Floridian Sean Johnson's took him to the stuffed animal section of a Tampa-area Walmart, then to its bedding department, then back to the stuffed animal section, and then to jail.

Doug Adams, a passenger on a Virgin Atlantic flight from Logan Airport to LAX, reportedly caused the plane to be diverted to Omaha after he was allegedly caught masturbating on board Monday. Unlike recent incidents involving public masturbation, this seems slightly more reasonable—it's a long goddamn flight. People get horny over the course of six hours.

It's been a banner week for horny dudes rubbing one out in public. Today, we have yet another video courtesy of Gothamist. This one shows a man who appears to be furiously masturbating in the driver's seat of a van parked on a street corner in Williamsburg. The witness who took the video this morning tells Gothamist, "I didn't stick around to catch him finish, but when I left my apartment he was still in the car, digging into a bag of Popchips with the same hand." Nice.

A truly brave human being saw something while riding the M train through Brooklyn, and decided to say something to Gothamist (with NSFW video): A depraved man decided to whip his dick out and masturbate on the train. He didn't do a very good job of concealing himself, either. The aspiring exhibitionist, however, is a little shy: he brings the show to a halt when the train reaches a stop. Gothamist has turned the video over to the NYPD.

Karen Marie Dilworth was arrested by police at her Ormond Beach, Fla. home after neighbors allegedly saw her sitting atop her motorcycle in her garage, masturbating. Amongst the audience was a neighbor's 13-year-old son.

Jordan D. Haskins, candidate for Michigan Legislature, wants everyone to know conservatives embrace imperfect people, too. So let him explain his multiple felony convictions for breaking into government vehicles, disconnecting the sparkplugs, and jerking off while the engines cranked.

Months after the infamous Swiss cheese man terrified city residents, Philadelphia has a new public masturbator on the loose.

A 68-year-old man has been charged with obscenity after he started masturbating during a yoga session in a public park.

[Photo via Imgur and Towleroad]

A 72-year-old substitute teacher was arrested after a coworker reportedly caught him sneaking in some quick "penis manipulation" before first period.

Tim Margis is the director of public safety for Concordia University in Chicago. Er, he was, that is, until a week ago, when he was arrested for ejaculating into the shoe of a female coworker in her campus office.

Just like Christmas Day and Thanksgiving, porn viewership was down significantly during the Super Bowl, especially in Denver and Seattle, where the number of viewers on PornHub dropped 51% and 61%. Across the country, porn watching was down about 32% during the game.

An elderly Florida man was arrested last week for allegedly masturbating to porn on a laptop in the front seat of his Mercedes, while parked at the local McDonald's.

A one-star Army general who serves in the Pentagon's inner circle of decision-makers was lightly reprimanded for joking in emails to colleagues that he had masturbated "3 times over the past 2 hours" after meeting with "smoking hot" tea party Rep. Renee Ellmers (R-N.C.).

This blessed plot, this earth, this realm, this England, this knob that needs a little extra 'ow's yer father. Let's take a trip to a "personal development" camp in these cherished isles. Let's put a little more jack in the Union Jack. Am I being too coy? Fine, let's go on a weekend retreat to learn how to masturbate better.

In one of the most compelling ledes ever written, a Tuesday Metro story begins:

A 69-year-old pantsless masturbating Florida man couldn’t keep his hands to himself as he went through a McDonald’s drive-thru in Wildwood, Florida.

A Michigan optometrist was charged Monday with indecent exposure after allegedly forcing a female patient to watch him masturbate. According to the Oakland County Sheriff’s Office, Dr. Robert Emmett Deck III of Oxford Township fit a 33 year-old woman with new contacts and then asked her to come into his personal office. When she stepped into his office, she “suspected something was not right” and pulled out her iPhone. Once he began masturbating, she was able to record audio of the Aug. 13 incident.

Sweden is now "okay" with public masturbation. On June 6, a 65-year-old man took off his shorts at a beach near Stockholm and began masturbating into the ocean. The man was charged with sexual assault, but was acquitted last week after a judge ruled he was not targeting a specific person.

Now that Bob "Don't Wear Underwear" Filner has stepped down as San Diego's mayor, something had to fill the political sexytime void — at least this time it's more of a victimless crime.