On last night's Conan, guest Aubrey Plaza was asked about the soon-to-be-infamous masturbation scene from her upcoming not-a-romantic-comedy The To-Do List.

You expect this sort of thing from passengers, but the driver?: A NJ Transit bus operator was caught on a passenger's camera masturbating to completion while on the job.

Slate cites a deeply implausible statistic in an item about masturbation habits: "A 2010 survey found that 75 percent of 16- and 17-year-old boys had masturbated in the past year." Seventy-five percent, you say. The other 25 percent didn't have their writing hands free to answer the survey.

Via Copyranter, here is a 1970s PSA about what to say when you walk in on your mute, feather-haired tween, "Ricky," masturbating. I don't recommend watching it. [Buzzfeed]

A high school student from Columbia, Missouri, was arrested on suspicion of felony property damage after she allegedly changed a classmate's last name in the yearbook to "Masturbate."

A persistent public masturbator brightened everyone's morning on Wednesday by first jerking off outside a hospital before being chased off and then performing his act for people gathered at a nearby bus stop.

Welcome to Thatz Not Okay, a regular column in which I school inquiring readers on what is and is not okay. Please send your questions (max: 200 words) to caity@gawker.com with the subject "Thatz Not Okay."

A substitute homeroom teacher in Seoul was recently terminated for allegedly masturbating in front of high school students after allegedly hitting one of them for listening to music in class.

A nosy neighbor who filed a criminal complaint against a free spirit whom she spotted walking around sans clothing inside his own house nearly landed the man behind bars on bogus sexual assault charges.

New York Magazine has found an anti-masturbation subreddit and alleges the existence of a new trend: Fapstinence. Men are voluntarily forgoing sexual self-abuse, for a variety of legitimate reasons!

A Wisconsin court has banned a local man from all the libraries on the planet after he was caught openly masturbating inside the Racine Public Library.

Nick Cannon was on Howard Stern's Sirius show today, so of course he was talking about weird shit and of course it concerned his favorite topic, his wife Mariah Carey. That's sweet and undoubtedly key to getting along with her (you know how much she loves her lambs), but it's rare to hear so much revealed about a woman of such stature via her husband. Every interview yields a new Mariah anecdote. (Fun fact: He once confirmed to me that she will remind him that she's the biggest-selling female recording artist of all time in order to win an argument.)

Only in Florida can a man show his testicles to the cops to get out of being arrested for public lewdness.

Do you want to stop masturbating? It is, after all, "a sin," as 50 Cent informs us. Luckily, he also has a four-step plan to help you stop, free of charge:

After the Internet came across an anti-masturbation video produced by Jehovah's Witnesses specifically for the hard of hearing, it was only a matter of time until someone mashed it up with R. Kelly's "Ignition (Remix)."

Please join us for a discussion on Tenga Eggs, a promotional sex egg, as we discuss their durability, bangability, and likeness to actual human vaginas.

Abercrombie & Fitch model Benjamine Bowers is suing the clothing company for one million dollars for referring him to a modeling agent who asked him to get naked and masturbate in front of the camera. The agent told Bowers that it was the only way to achieve "relaxed photos."

Just days ago, we learned that Nadya "Octomom" Suleman was going to appear in a masturbation video — which is definitely not porn, because she once said she would never do porn. Today TMZ reports that Octomom has filmed her first scene, and it sounds like she's a pro.

Male comedians are weird. They jerk off all the time, and then go on stage and talk about jerking off all the time, for money and laughs. But our nation's most hilarious stand-up comic and critically cherished sitcom auteur adds a thrilling twist to his onanistic escapades: He traps unsuspecting women in his hotel room and makes them stick around until he's done.

Well, it was only a matter of time before internet bullies got blamed for this. Following Jason Russell's detainment for unusual (and naked) public behavior, Russell's wife Danica has spoken out, claiming that no drugs or alcohol were involved in the breakdown.