In this edition of Gawker Stalker: P-Diddy, Derek Jeter, and Penelope Cruz dine out, Jon Stewart, Sean Connery, Anna Wintour, Katie Couric and Chris Botti, Peter Boyle, Jon Stewart again, Bill Clinton, Johnny Knoxville, Pharell, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Andre 3000, Diane Keaton, Barry Diller, Harvey Keitel, Heath Ledger, Sean William Scott, Dave Chappelle, Ashley Olsen, Lydia Hearst, Fabian Basabe, Jared Leto, Hillary Swank, John Cusack, Glenn Close, John Mayer, Chloe Sevigny, Alec and Stephen Baldwin, Alan Cumming, Joan Allen, Minnie Driver, LL Cool J, Sam Rockwell, Scott Speedman, Fisher Stevens, John Legend, Charlie Rose, Kal Penn, Michelle Trachtenberg, Christine Lahti, Bobby Cannavale, Eva Herzigova, Damon Dash, David Blaine, Janice Min, and Rick Solomon.

From the mailbag:

• Joan Didion continues her quest to launch the biggest publicity campaign for a book since Bellis spawned Lunar Park when she reads from The Year of Magical Thinking at the Paula Cooper Gallery tonight. Pennypinchers, be forewarned: You re required to buy the title from 192 Books before attending — perhaps so you can read along! [TONY]
• New Canadian "It Band" Wolf Parade plays a sold-out show tonight at Bowery Ballroom. If you can t scalp a ticket, go home and listen to Arcade Fire on repeat. [Upcoming]
• Actors Steve Buscemi, John Ventimiglia, and Aida Turturro join a mystery musical guest in reading excerpts of screenplays from upcoming films by murdered Dutch filmmaker Theo Van Gogh. Take a wild guess who he s related to. [Paper]

Yes, it's that Madonna, at that Misshapes.
And just when the disaffected hipsters had lost all hope, MadonnaClaus came down the chimney at Misshapes to save them all with her sack full of soap and smiles.

Friday:
• Put on your comfy pants and amble on over to the Knitting Factory for the kickoff of the Lebowski Fest, celebrating all things related to the Coen brothers' cult classic, The Big Lebowski. Tonight, Bling Kong plays followed by a midnight screening of the flick. White Russians presumably provided. [flavorpill]
• Betsey Johnson and other designers allow their stock to rapidly plummet at the Milk Gallery's Pony Project, where they dress and decorate My Little Ponies in an attempt to make your girlfriend coo. [TONY]
Saturday:
• Zombiecon kicks off at 42nd Street and 5th Avenue at 1 P.M., where a bunch of fun-loving freaks dress as the undead and then run around town "devouring" tourists. Anything to de-clog Midtown, we say. [flavorpill]
• Madonna is rumored to perform at the Roxy, only to have her producer Stuart Price ruin the magic with his DJ set at Misshapes afterwards.
Sunday
• You know you'll be up bright and early to make the 7:15 A.M. registration for the Metropolitan 20Km Racewalk, right? 90th and 5th Avenue, if you're feeling psychotic. [Upcoming]

A storage room fire at the West 4th Street subway station has shut down the entire stop, resulting in all sorts of fuckitude for commuters. And, despite the problem being below ground, helicopters are everywhere, sirens are constant, and people are just a wee bit more edgy than they already were.

On Tuesday, we noted the MTA's dangerously ugly housekeeping at the 155th Street stop — and, as of today, it seems the problem's been fixed.

Manhattan User's Guide — who has a bit of history with ol' Tim and Nina — today takes a look at the just-released 2006 Zagat Survey, and, unsurprisingly, finds plenty of fault.

• Everyone except your mother is name-checked at tonight s 826NYC benefit at Symphony Space: Daily Show correspondents Samantha Bee, Rob Corddry, and Ed Helms, Le Tigre frontwoman Kathleen Hanna, and Amy Sedaris model new Marc Jacobs and Zac Posen designs. Sarah Vowell, The Incredibles Edna Mode, and comedian Patton Oswalt give various superhero-themed performances. Author John Hodgman hosts. A marching band performs. Dave Eggers even gives out free weed to the first 500 guests. Just kidding! Wholesome, clean hipster lit/fashion fun for everyone. [Symphony Space]
• Norm Macdonald performs at the Nokia Theater tonight. Note to self: if you like your comedians actually funny as opposed to funny cause they re awkward, The Cultured Comedy Club debuts a monthly series of progressive political comedians at the New York Society for Ethical Culture. [Upcoming & TONY]
• Hirsute freak-folker Devendra Banhart and the Hairy Fairy Band perform at Webster Hall tonight. The whole affair should smell nice. [flavorpill]

The transit authority yesterday announced a little Christmas present: weekend fare discounts between Thanksgiving and New Year's. How'd it go over? We have no idea.

• Joan Didion continues her quest to make you feel bad about bitching about the small things in life when she reads from The Year of Magical Thinking at the 92nd Street Y tonight. Whatever, we're still pissed our FreshDirect order is (now) more than 2 hours late. No magical thinking is gonna help that situation. [92Y]
• Pioneer Theater plays host to anti-Mormon propaganda film Trapped by the Mormons. If you only see one Mormonsploitation flick in your lifetime, make it this one. [flavorpill]
• Is it hipster-approved to say that we sort of hate Death Cab for Cutie? No? Well, then they're not playing tonight at Hammerstein. [Upcoming]

In this edition of Gawker Stalker: Maggie Gyllenhaal and Adrien Grenier meet on the street (thus allowing us to violate our anti-Grenier stance just this once), 50 Cent rockin a bulletproof vest, Sienna Miller, Stevie Wonder humidifier shopping, Johnny Knoxville, Diane Sawyer, Mike Nichols, Nathan Lane, Matthew Broderick, Sarah Jessica Parker, Mandy Moore and Zach Braff, Jessica Alba, Kathy Hilton, Brooke Shields, Lorne Michaels, Peter Dinklage, Jason Schwartzman, Puff Daddy, Paul McCartney, Fred Armisen and Martha Plimpton, Cynthia Nixon, Michael Pitt, Martha Stewart, Kyra Sedgewick, James Woods, Kelly Clarkson, Nick Stahl, Minnie Driver, Michelle Trachtenberg, Bobby Flay and Stephanie March, Bobby Cannavale, Tab Hunter, Sam Shepard, and Brian Austin Green.

Something — don't know what, or when, or why — just blew up on the 59th Street Bridge. A publicist pal sends along this photo, shot at about 1:15 p.m.:

• Ahh, Saved by the Bell: that iconic showcase of bad 80s fashion that paved the way for Mario Lopez to star in a series of successively bad talk shows, for Mark-Paul Gosselaar to be the subject of endless internet speculation as to whether or not he died in a car accident, and for Elizabeth Berkley to star in, well, the most unintentionally funny movie ever released about a whore. All of which leads us to the Apocalypse Lounge, which hosts "Bayside! The Un-Musical" tonight. Don't forget to bring your Hot Sundae cassette tapes for an autograph. [Upcoming]
• A murdered socialite narrates Amy Tan's new novel, in which a group of the woman's friends get lost in the jungle of a war-torn Southeast Asian country. See? Not all chick lit involves pointy shoes and benevolent fag hags. Just most of it. [TONY]
• 60 minutes of cool commercials, cool music videos, and cool Djs at The Newspace's presentation of Onescreen tonight. Should be...cool? [flavorpill]

So it's an eyesore, and perhaps wildly unsafe. But that's what one gets for being at 155th Street, where the MTA still exists in that whole "separate but (inherently) inequal" phase.

• No ticket for Franz Ferdinand at MSG? Flavorpill recommends the Dirty Three show at Bowery Ballroom. Moody Australian post-rock is the new Scottish dance-punk, anyway. [flavorpill]
• New Yorker editor David Remnick appears at the E. 17th Street Barnes and Noble to discuss his decision to make available every single issue of the magazine since 1925 on eight DVD-ROMs for the low, low, price of $61.11. Make sure to yell at him for not making the actual text searchable. [Paper]
• New Yorker (yes, they all come out on Monday) scribe Nicholas Lemann and New York Review of Books contributor Michael Massing partake in a panel discussion at Columbia on how "value-laden language" influences public opinion on hot-button social issues. Better to drink before this one. [TONY]

In this edition of Gawker Stalker: Sienna Miller has some choice words for the paparazzi, Natalie Portman, Dakota Fanning shoe shopping, Scarlett Johansson and Josh Hartnett (ed: Scarnett?), Ashton and Demi, new Bond Daniel Craig, Paul Giamatti, Liv Tyler, Kirsten Dunst, Uma Thurman, Minnie Driver, Richard Gere, Carey Lowell, Lou Reed, David Bowie, Lili Tyler, Terry Gross, Elvis Costello, Kyra Sedgwick, Chris Martin, John Cusack, Bette Midler, Ben Affleck, Keri Russell, Claire Danes, A-Rod, Annie Leibowitz, Petra Nemcova, Julianne Moore, Bono, Billy Crystal, Dermot Mulroney, Catherine Keener, Jason Schwartzman, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Nick Nolte, John Waters, Donald Trump, Oliver Stone, Bob Costas, Hayden Christensen, Sarah Vowell, M.J. Blige, Russ and Kimora Simmons, Al Sharpton, Ice T and Coco, Rachel Hunter, Matthew Perry, Lisa Bonet, Cam'ron and Farnsworth Bentley, Mike Skinner from The Streets, Jon Brion, Joe Jackson, Billy Joel, Scott Speedman, Bridget Hall, and Lauren Hutton.

Friday:
• Brother/sister duo The Fiery Furnaces bang their keyboards at Town Hall tonight. Their grandmother, who provides vocals on their latest album, does not. [flavorpill]
• Ryan McGinness appears at Deitch tonight for his book party. Be sure to ask him how you too can make money off of drawing brightly colored circles. [Upcoming]
Saturday:
• Tokion's annual Creativity Now conference kicks off at Cooper Union. Whether or not you're willing to shell out $75 to hear David Cross and Chappelle's Show wizard Neal Brennan discuss why white people can use the n-word is completely up to you. [flavorpill]
• Are you a dirty pervert? A bunch of comedians try their hand at telling the Aristocrats joke at the People's Improv Theater. Are you a dirty hipster? The Rapture play a free show at Tribeca Grand. [Paper]
Sunday:
• It's the night you've been waiting for: the Broadway Gospel celebration hosted by Star Jones! Okay, don't laugh — it's for AIDS charities. But still? Broadway. Gospel. Star Jones. You're picking up what we're putting down, good cause aside. [TONY]

In this edition of Gawker Stalker: Julian Schnabel, Lou Reed, Jan Wenner, Michael Stipe, Patti Smith, Helena Christenson, Christina Applegate, Heather Graham, Max Weinberg, Maggie Gyllenhaal and (maybe) Peter Sarsgaard all at U2, Steve Buscemi, Sophia Coppola, Trey Anastasio, James Gandolfini on a Vespa, Nicole Kidman, Adrien Brody, Robert DeNiro, Jennifer Connolly and Paul Bettany, P. Diddy, Naomi Campbell, Owen Wilson Kirsten Dunst, Sigourney Weaver, Marcia Gay Harden, John Legend, Jessica Alba, Sean Paul, Glenn Close, Piper Perabo, Michael Imperioli, Nicky Hilton and Kevin Connolly, Ralph Fiennes, Scott Speedman, Michael C. Hall, Lauren Bacall, Julianne Moore, Rupert Everett, Janice Dickinson, David Blaine, Taye Diggs, Fabian Basabe, Uma Thurman, Willie Nelson, Ty Pennington, Veronica Webb, Rosie O'Donnell, Michael Schoeffling, Trey Anastasio, Anthony Edwards, and Robert Verdi.

Apparently it's been raining a lot. We had no idea, until the Times told us: