Oh Associated Press, you coy little news syndicate! How can you tease us with mentions of "friction bristling beneath the surface" of this week's Idaho media mogul retreat without sharing a story or two? Instead you leave us to imagine scenes like this:

• Beer king Pete Coors gets a DUI; in an era of corporate corruption, it sure is nice to see an executive who really loves his product. [Denver Post]
• If you're going to have a complex, might as well develop it in your infancy: pictures of Suri Cruise aren't worth half as much as those of Shiloh. [TMZ]
• At 7 PM tonight, a pompous clusterfuck will descend upon Soho House. Worse than usual, we mean. Here's your guide to understanding why the fuck Toby Young's book party is so random. [Eat the Press]
• Leonardo DiCaprio films at old mob haunt in Brooklyn; borough's celebrities-are-here arrogance grows 37%. [NewYorkology]
• A handy guide to the MySpace profiles of all your favorite D-list reality stars. [Jane]
• Speaking of D-List, agent Roger Paul revels in the joys of managing Screech. What's not to when the guy's packing 8-inches of hot geek meat? [NYP]
• The rules of office restroom etiquette: "Dancing in front of the auto-flush to the tune of 'Material Girl' playing in your head wastes water and will summon your boss to the bathroom like a beacon. Don't." [The World According to Tom]
• How not to gracefully accept that you didn't get the job. [PR Differently]
• The Post knows there's only one way to cover the "bartha bartha" explosion on East 62nd Street: by focusing on the hot girl who was tragically injured. A video of her almost getting killed? Even hotter. [NYP]

News Corp. has announced a multi-million dollar public service campaign to promote internet safety, as their MySpace property has become the go-to site for media panic over online predators. Their centerpiece PSA is a television spot starring a barely sober Kiefer Sutherland, who really knows how to break it down and keep it real:

A recent Low Concept item on Slate honored the dirtiest old man on all of MySpace, Rupert Murdoch, by giving him his own MySpace page. According to his profile, Murdoch's looking to meet both "a new step-mum for Lachlan" and "a new Lachlan," and his friends include Katherine McPhee, "JP Stizzern in da hizzy," and the Arctic Monkeys. Actually, we're not so sure this is a mock-up.

Slate, reveling in its not-owned-by-a-media-conglomerate-ness, today published a MySpace profile of Rupert Murdoch, the News Corp billionaire who owns the social site. It's clever. Especially the bit about meeting "Consumers 12 14 to 34 years old," and the comment from "Todd."

The Washington Post and "don't call me the Segway inventor" Dean Kamen want geeks to be famous. Rather than letting creative geniuses get all the glory for their piddly "Oscars" and their "works of timeless art," the Post and Kamen want kids to worship real role models like the Google guys and YouTube founders.

MySpace's innovative marketing strategy, as described in a Business 2.0 puff piece:

"Everything we've ever done is about giving people choices," says News Corp. owner Rupert Murdoch, explaining his purchase of MySpace. "Technology is shifting power away from the editors, the publishers, the establishment, the media elite. Now it's the people who are taking control." Oh look, says Wired Magazine, Rupe IS the media elite, how lovely that he's on our side, ha ha, the man's a visionary.

The growing Valleyspeak phrasebook — a translation of Silicon Valley's language into English — gets three more entries:

No wonder MySpace is scrambling to stop sexual harassment — everyone who gets laid through the site ends up suing MySpace.

MySpace bowed to critics yesterday and stepped up earlier minor-protection efforts. The social site announced new restrictions that take effect on its site next week. These restrictions (collectively called "no such thing as a free speech") sound confusing, but they're really quite simple:

Er, BREAKING: After 10 years of mutual love and support, Diddy and PR man Dan Klores are getting divorced. Word is that Puff left DK for another woman — Jill Fritzo at PMK. But just in case Diddy gets involved in another shooting, Klores is staying on a $1K/month retainer. Gotta keep the bases covered.

• Martin Sorrell, head of UK advertising giant WPP, says media owners should put everything behind a pay wall. Yeah, that seemed to work six years ago. [Online Press Gazette]

Or because the little Internet junkie only just realized people can fake their ages on a web form, based on the Associated Press report:

A commenter alerts us to the MySpace profile of the charming playa at right, who happens to be Elvin Chaung, the 20-year-old Hunter College student facing charges of extortion. He only has 17 friends, but that's because he's too busy using Facebook to finagle nude pics out of remarkably unwitting young women. He may not look too clever, but he's a genius when it comes to manipulating online hotties with names like TrixieLuv69 and MizGoddess. Best of all, Elvin's MySpace profile reveals that he's a Buddhist. So if something is not given to him, he shall not take it — but if a bunch of chicks want to hand over naked photos of themselves, he's got zen clearance.

The new poster child for the dot-com bubble wasn't even a real company. In an exclusive IM interview, SingleStat.us coder David Weekly explains how a weekend project earned way too much attention before flaming out.

If earlier reports are true, that Tom Anderson sure loves the ladies. But the co-founder and public face of MySpace doesn't always impress, according to an acquaintance.

• Don't worry, Valleywag's sending a correspondent to Playboy's Women of MySpace party. (Don't you wish you were a correspondent?) [One Industry Group]

Struggling to keep its traffic up, MySpace recently launched a job search called MySpace Careers. Problem is, as the New York Times reported yesterday, MySpace profiles ruin job prospects.

Corporate recruiters work just like Gawker Media (and just like you before a blind date), the New York Times reveals — by sniffing around the MySpace and Facebook profiles of prospective hires. In a sloppily researched article (no, MySpace is not only two years old), the Times checks out how this phenomenon screws perfectly cool people over. Tien Nguyen (pictured) lost interview chances because he was clever. Other kids are getting turned down for having, well, great enthusiasm for their line of work: