Bats, America's most precious bat resource, have been dying like crazy over the past few years (a devastating 5.5 million in the Eastern U.S. since 2007) thanks to something called White-Nose Syndrome, which is not a euphemism for cocaine addiction but, oh boy, does it sound like it.

A bunch of us here at Gawker Media have received letters recently containing nothing but this single photocopied montage of magazine covers bearing the words, "WALL ST. JEWS."

Two years ago, a series of odd billboards greeted passers-by in New York, Atlanta, and the San Francisco Bay Area. They showed a cuddling, smiling couple under the title "Charles & YaVaughnie" and listed a website documenting the couple's romance. Research only deepened the mystery: The man was an Oracle president and already married - and not to the woman on the outdoor ad.

The question has been asked ever since the first wet-behind-the-ears whelp fresh from Ireland stumbled off a boat at New York Harbor, dying from scurvy: When does someone become a real New Yorker?

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton totally geeked out at a State Department press conference Tuesday, at which researchers from The International Group for Historic Aircraft Recovery (TIGHAR) (rawr) announced their intention to return to Pacific waters in search of Amelia Earhart's downed airplane, which went missing 75 years ago.

The residents of a small Wisconsin town have had their lives plagued by house-rattling underground booms for the past few nights. No one has yet been able to identify the source of the sounds.

Patricia and Joan Miller, identical twins who sang and danced their way through the 1950s for the likes of Bing Crosby, were found dead in their Lake Tahoe home last week, the Associated Press reported today.

In weird and somewhat unsettling news, a military torpedo was dropped off at a recycling center in Puerto Rico. Authorities don't know where it came from — just that it's, you know, a 6-foot-long military torpedo. Anyway, it's all taken care of now, probably.

The other day at the store I saw this "Hershey's Air Delight" bar. What's the big idea? You added some air into a chocolate bar? Is air some great ingredient now?

"What If All the Cats in the World Suddenly Died?" Yahoo News asked today. Intrigued by this mysterious world without cats (What would we put bread on?) I clicked the link and found myself at Life's Little Mysteries, a LiveScience sister site dedicated to answering search-engine optimized questions of childlike wonderment like "Why are there holes in 'Swiss' cheese?" and "Who Will Succeed Kim Jong-Il?" (Trick question. Can't be answered.)

After Christina Aguilera appeared at Etta James' funeral service with some mysterious liquid dripping down her legs, all productivity basically ground to a halt as the nation turned its collective energy towards figuring out what it was.

The Washington Post reports that Arlington National Cemetery is having a tiny problem-no big deal, nothing to worry about-locating $12 million dollars that was allocated to it between 2004 and 2010.

Lauren Kornberg, the professional dogwalker who discovered a severed head in the Hollywood Hills this week—the one that a paparazzi agency is shopping photos of with a smiling mystery woman posing next to it—says she never snapped pics of the gruesome find. She does, however, have a theory about who did.

On Tuesday afternoon, on a hiking trail in Hollywood Hills, a pair of female dogwalkers stumbled across the severed head of a middle-aged man. Two of their dogs had been playing with a plastic bag, they told the LAPD. Inside was a human head.

For the first time since being found not guilty, most hated mother in America Casey Anthony has appeared in public! On, uh, YouTube. And perhaps unintentionally. Biggest revelation: Her much-discussed "disguise" is a Kate Gosselin hairdo.

If you're wondering why the Mayor of San Juan, Puerto Rico, chose for his annual Christmas card to pose his family next to a leopard slaughtering a gazelle, you are not alone. There are several theories floating about: The official line is that Jorge Santini wanted to promote the San Juan Wildlife Museum and its breathtaking taxidermy displays to rival anything in the Caribbean. (There are two alternate cards, one involving penguins, the other a bear and wild turkey.) A second theory is that Santini is sending a not-so-veiled message to his political rivals in anticipation of this upcoming election year. But we're going to throw a third theory out there: The twisted little girl on the lower left is just into extreme Nativity Scenes. Run, Baby Jesus, run! [Daily Mail]

Fashionista is running a series on "Fashion Intern Horror Stories," and the best one—about the world's "best known supermodel" peeing all over a white suit—makes for a workable blind item:

Germany—and, more importantly, Germany's Christmas spirit—is under attack by a man who dresses like Santa, but is, in fact—you guessed it—a Grinch. Of roofies.

Investigators are still trying to piece together why 22-year-old part-time student Ross Truett Ashley ran up to Virginia Tech police Officer Deriek Crouse during a routine traffic stop and shot him, then took his own life. After all, he was "nice."

When reports came yesterday that a two people had been shot at Virginia Tech, everyone thought the same thing: not again. In that sense, the campus is "lucky"—it was an isolated incident and not another unfathomable massacre. But it's still not clear what exactly, happened.