Friday:
· If you're hip enough to be tapped into the British electronica scene then you'll probably be at this show: Wheels Instead of Hooves take over the tables at Rothko with guests Jega, Datach'i, and Shadetek tonight at Rothko. If you're not that hip, you probably think we just made up a bunch of words. [Wheels Instead of Hooves]
· Former Times film geek Elvis Mitchell interviews current film geek David Thompson about his new book, The Whole Equation: A History of Hollywood at the Upper West Side Barnes and Noble tonight. [Paper]
Saturday:
· MIA, the hottest rapper to come out of Sri Lanka since...we have no clue, really, but she performs with cohort Diplo tonight at the Knitting Factory. [KF]
· We don't understand a goddamned word of this, but maybe you do: "Cornell University mathematicians David Henderson and Daina Taimina talk about their recent discovery of how to crochet models of 'hyperbolic space,' which ended an almost two-hundred year search for actual surfaces that exhibited hyperbolic geometry." Well isn't that something. They do the talking at The Kitchen, smartypants. [Kitchen]
Sunday:
· Superbowl Sunday: the one day of the year you drink domestic beer and think nothing of it!

· Sub Pop-ing slow-core outfit Low and Pedro the Lion take even more dance out of the indie kids tonight at Bowery Ballroom. [Paper]
· Hollertronix bring their so-co krunk to Dubbya-Burg's Triple Crown tonight. You bring your skeet. [Triple Crown]
· Dude, music sounds so much, like, more awesome when you're stoned. No exception tonight at the Kaufman Center, where Philip Glass does his ambient minimilism thang with the Bang on a Can Allstars. [flavorpill]

· Anyone got a couple of jobs for some industry bigwigs with falling stars? Unpaid internships, at the very least? Send all openings to Michael Eisner and Harold Evans. In the interim, the two will be holding court on at the 92nd Street Y for a discussion on the pleasures (money!) and hardships (losing money!) of being a media conglomerate. [92Y]
· Paging Ms. Jolie: you've got competition. Bonnie Raitt once said she'd drink a vial of Mali-born storyteller/guitarist Habib Koite's sweat. How pleasant. Mr. Koite plays with Bamada, his West African rhythm section, tonight at S.O.B's. [flavorpill]
· Canadian short fiction superstar Alice Munro appears at Paula Cooper Gallery tonight. Actress Joan Allen reads. Reservations and amphetamines required. [NYer]

· This just in: northern neighbors the Arcade Fire have officially stolen the mantle of most hyped band, like, ever, from quirky Scots Franz Ferdinand. They play at Webster Hall tonight for those fortunate enough to have tickets. [Bowery Presents]
· "Have you ever felt the delicious thrill of lying across a lover's lap and getting spanked good and hard?" asks Rachel Kramer Bussel, editor of Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z. Evidently, Jonathan Ames has—he reads from Ms. Bussel's anthology tonight at Toys in Babeland. [TiB]
· La La La Human Steps, at the BAM Opera House, is a choreographed dance performance set to re-worked Velvet Underground songs. It also sounds like a porno: "The women, sparkling with kinetic intelligence, dance on pointe, their legs slicing, stabbing, and defining the space. The men, daring and equally intense, spin and dip their partners with thrilling precision." Just reading that has got us all hot and bothered. [flavorpill]

· Calling all film geeks: NY Times senior film critic A.O. Scott, Sundance muckracker Peter Biskind, Times Hollywood correspondent Sharon Waxman, and other industry movers and shakers participate in a discussion on the current state of independent cinema at NYU's Kimmel Center tonight. [Nation]
· Voyeurs take the stage: "Verbatim Verboten," in which actors perform illicitly recorded, embarrasing conversations between famous people (anyone from Rudy Giuliani to Britney Spears to Enron execs), makes its New York debut at Fez tonight. And yes, this is the same show that once enacted a crumbling-marriage breakup conversation between Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman, much to the chagrin of the former's attorneys. [Fez]
· Evidently, that guy from Meet the Fockers, Hide and Seek, and that annoying American Express commerical—De Niro or something—used to make movies that weren't half bad. Who knew? If you don't believe us, check out his 80's epic, Raging Bull, which plays at the Clearview Ziegfeld tonight. [TONY]

Friday:
· Barcelona-based blogger/DJ Jace Clayton, also known as DJ Rupture, makes a stateside appearance at Rothko tonight. The reason? If you were thinking "to raise money for the Tsunami relief cause, of course," you'd be right. [TigerBeat]
· Dale Peck and Rick Moody co-host the "O. Henry Prize for Short Stories 2005" party tonight at Barnes and Noble on Sixth Avenue. Just kidding. But Mr. Peck is scheduled to appear, along with editor Laura Furman. [Paper]
Saturday:
· Former NYU student and current DFA associate Tim Sweeney takes over the turntables at the Asterisk Art Project dance party. Sounds cool, but will you brave the cold for the trek to Brooklyn? [Upcoming]
· The name of the website—Precision Accidents—says it all: drunk idiots yoked to shopping carts race through Brooklyn and Manhattan in order to win cash prizes (our favorite disclaimer: "The Musher may ride in the cart, but this is dangerous and not recommended.") We're as excited about this year's Idiotarod as you are. [Precision Accidents]
· Kids are so pesky and annoying. Keep them entertained and occupied at the Museum of Television and Radio's all-day Animation Festival. Just don't let them play with the stoners. [MTR]
Sunday:
· Isn't that Super Bowl thingy on today? Oh, that's next week? Well, in that case, go see Alone in the Dark. You know you wanna.

· HotelChatter interviews the doormen at Schrager's trendier-than-thou Hudson Hotel and, while they're happy to help you find porn and cigarettes, they draw the line at fetching your nose candy. [HotelChatter]
· Because there's no way you're getting your sweetheart a Valentine's Day table at Masa this late in the game, you might as well get her a teddy bear that says, "Shit Bitch You Is Fine." [ShitBitchBear]
· We're hearing that Tara Reid's premiere party for Alone In The Dark, held at Quo, had a media blackout. Hmm, wonder why?
· All of you ambitious design kids looking to get a foot in the door should be flocking to this unnamed Brooklyn boutique, where interns are "unpaid, but sometimes we will buy you coffee." [Craigslist]
· Houston mayor Bill White keeps the censorship torch alive, ordering that Jenna Jameson's autobiography, How To Make Love Like A Porn Star: A Cautionary Tale, be removed from public library shelves. [Houston Chronicle]
· San Francisco and Los Angeles restaurant Luna Park announces its impending presence on the Lower East Side; rumors swirl of rail-blowing at the West Coast locations. [ToTC]

· A good movie about a guy who made movies so fucking bad they were downright amazing: The Onion presents Tim Burton's "Ed Wood" tonight at Anthology Film Archives. [AFA]
· Travis Sullivan's Bjorkestra (get it?) performs 18-piece big band renditions of the songs of everyone's favorite Icelandic nutjob. The Knitting Factory's blurb also notes that memebers of Bjorkestra have performed with the likes of Jessica Simpson, though we're not exactly sure how this is a selling point. [flavorpill]
· Today's public service announcement: did you have tickets for tonight's sold-out Death From Above 1979 show at Mercury Lounge? Too bad—they cancelled. You can still go check out the three opening acts, though we can't claim to have heard of 'em. [Mercury Lounge]

· The winner of the 2004 Story Prize, awarded to the best short story collection of the year, gets 20 G's. Not a bad hunk of change. Head on over to the Peter Jay Sharpe Theater tonight to hear from the three finalists and to see who wins. [flavorpill]
· Author/activist/High Times writer Jason Flores-Williams is clearly a bit more pissed off than the rest of us at the re-election of Dubbya—he spearheads the "Call for New York Secession" tonight at Junno's. As much as we love the idea, we thinketh Mr. Flores-Williams should lay off the cheeba for a while. [TONY]
· Evidently, there was some giant wave-thingy that crashed in Southeast Asia and caused a lot of damage. We'll look into it. In the meantime, past and present SNLers (Amy Poehler, Horatio Sanz, Rob Riggle), Daily Show correspondents (Ed Helms, Rob Corddry), and assorted other funny people perform at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre to raise some money for Mercy Corp's relief effort. [UCB]

Who's that throwing up signs at Snoop Dogg at the Blender Sessions With Snoop Dogg party at Sundance? Why, it's none other than Tobey Maguire (or, as his homies call him, T-O-Double Chin) and his boo, Jennifer Meyer (aka, Jenny From the Gated Block).

· Conor Oberst, aka Bright Eyes, aka magazine cover boy du jour, plays the first of two shows at Town Hall tonight. He bangs the first batch of squeeling teenage groupies immediately after. [Town Hall NYC]
· Junior Vasquez, Johnny Dynell, Liquid Sound Lounge's Jeannie Hopper, and bunch of other DJs take over Spirit tonight for the Red Cross' Tsunami Relief party. Rumor has it that all the event's proceeds are actually going to the Red Cross, too. [flavorpill]
· Big-shot art collector Raymond Nasher owms Matisses and Lichtensteins and Picassos galore (read: he's richer than you). Go hear what he has to say about the collecting world at the American Foundation of Arts tonight at 6:30pm. [AFA]

· Art galleries are sooo 2004: Joy Glidden (founding director of the DUMBO arts center), Shelly Bancroft (founder of Harlem's Triple Candie), and Lia Gangitano (founder of Participant, Inc) discuss the "Next Wave: Alternative Spaces in New York" at the 92nd Street Y tonight. [92Y]
· Colombian harpist progidy Edmar Castaneda, evidently, is some hot shit. He performs at 55 Bar tonight with jazz drummer Ari Hoenig. [55Bar]
· Indie pet causes are the new tsunami aid: Parker Posey, Martha Plimpton, and Sam Rockwell, among others, read childrens stories written by Jonathan Safran Foer, Nick Hornby, Dr. Seuss, and Roald Dahl on behalf of David Eggers' 826NYC writing lab. Actor/writer Eric Bogosian hosts the event. Bring your checkbook with your liberal guilt: tickets are either $50 or $100. [Tonic]

The City Department of Health has released the results of a ground-breaking study, from which we can learn only one thing: we love to binge drink. No, no, don't get defensive from atop your moral high horse, you silly alcoholic. If you're a New Yorker, you obviously drink too much, and by "too much" we mean "more than one or two drinks per day for men and one for women." And, if you live in Greenwich Village or Chelsea, you've got a real problem, as 32% of excessive drinkers are slumming on Bleecker or 23rd (don't worry, lower Manhattan still clocks in with a healthy 22.1%). Are you white? Do you have a disposable income? Then you're an excessive drinker, too, buddy. Don't kid yourself: you're just in the early stages of denial.

Friday:
· Money ain't a thang. Unless you're shoegazing New York chamber-rockers Sea Ray, that is. Then it's an unfortuante cause for a breakup. The kids are callin it quits after eight years in the indie biz, so bid them adieu at Mercury Lounge tonight. [Mercury Lounge]
· Test your coolness baromoter and try to get into the "private" show of Austin-based Pitchfork darlings And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead at Rothko. [Rothko]
· Bloomberg spawn Emma and Vogue editor Sally Singer throw an iceskating party out in Brooklyn to benefit the Prospect Park Junior Commitee, whatever the fuck that is. Make sure to keep the skate blades away from any Vogue underlings required to be in attendance. [WUNY]
Saturday:
· Reps from the Onion, Soft Skull press, and Blakkat join a bevy of other artists at OfficeOps in Billyburg for the "And So Forth" assembly, where they discuss the ways that art can bring about social change. Good luck with that. [AIFP]
· When a band has members named Pony, Achilles, and Sanchez, you might want to check 'em out. The stage-named boys of The Fever bring their catchy indie blend of synth-punk to the Bowery Ballroom tonight. [BB]
Sunday:
· Will the Philadelphia Eagles lose their 4th straight NFC title game? Are the Pats poised for their 3rd Superbowl in the Bill Bilichick era? If you don't care about either of these things, then stay in bed and spoon your TiVo, 'cause it's not getting any better out there.

· We're usually not ones to send you scurrying off to the dark side, but this is for a good cause: Moby, Lou Reed, DJ Spooky, and a host of others perform at Marquee for the "artists for Tsunami Relief" party. A suggested donation of 30 bucks gets you a ticket and open bar between 7-9. [flavorpill]
· Don't stay home crying about four more years of Bush and Co. Swing on by The Tank tonight at 7:30 for Drinking Liberally, a night of drinking, dancing, and left-leaning commiserating. While you're there, be sure to try some of The Brewnettes' election-themed microbrew, Winter of Our Discontent Ale. [The Tank]
· Avant-garde film-maker (that's "film," not "movie," you goddamned philistine) Kenneth Anger introduces his latest flick, "Mouse Heaven," along with some of his other recent works, tonight at MoMa. [MoMA]

We agree: Nightclub NA is a total bust, and when Lindsay Lohan isn't there, Marquee is starting to slip into bridge and tunnel territory. Basically, there's nothing to do in this city after 10 PM, and we're bored out of our minds. So it's with hope in our hearts that we heard the news that a new club is coming town. The second coming will be at Nerveana on Varick Street, and today's Post confirms the speculation that the venue opens tonight. If you hadn't already been reminded by the gang at VH1, nostalgia is hott right now, and second-tier club owner Robert Wattman is capitalizing on the trend by regurgitating the most recent decade he can recall, the 90's, into a 5,000 square-foot mega-club.

· Were you sitting around this morning, staring into your bowl of cereal and thinking, "Mainstream media is dead. What do the internet and The Daily Show have that established news organizations don't?" Probably not. If you were, though, then Makor's "How to Really Get the News" program is for you. School's in session at 7:30pm with Editor & Publisher editor Jesse Oxfeld, CBS MarketWatch media editor Jon Friedman, SpinSanity.org editor Bryan Keefer, and Daily Show writer Chris Regan. [92Y]
· Ironic-cause-they're-anti-ironic rockers The Hold Steady rail against scenesters and 80s rock at Mercury Lounge tonight. [flavorpill]
· Are you, like, smart and shit? Or stoned? Either will do if you head on over to Symphony Space tonight, where metaphysical novelist Paul Auster discusses his new book, "Oracle Night." Naturally, Michael Imperioli from "The Sopranos" (WTF?) joins him to read selections. [SymphonySpace]

· Former White House speechwriter and current New Yorker senior editor Hendrik Hertzberg sure does have a fun name. He's also, coincidentally, one smart bastard. Those looking for some good cocktail party fodder should head over to the General Society Library tonight, where Hertzberg offers up his perspective on post-election politics. [General Society]
· Feeling the need to express yourself in a manner that doesn't involve broken glass or domestic beer? Indulge your inner art-slut at the Education Alliance Art School's $5 workshops. You can sculpt or draw, but you may not eat the paint. [TONY]
· Those looking to keep the education out of their evenings, take heart: Del tha Funkee Homosapien rocks the mic at BB King, while Suffolk County's finest, RA the Rugged Man, takes over the Knitting Factory. [BB King & flavorpill]

· There are two ways to pay homage to the great Martin Luther King, Jr. For those looking to become better, more socially aware people, there's the "Race in America" program at the Museum of Jewish Heritage, which features a screening of an Oscar-nominated documentary on King as well as a discussion between Rabbi Marc Schneier (President of the Foundation for Ethnic Understanding) and Russell Simmons (hip-hop overlord, husband to pot-smoking, bad-driving-Asian Kimora)... [MJH]
· ...Or, for those people looking to just get crunked all up in the club, there's the Roots Down party with DJ Kid Named Miles (from eclectic groovers Breakestra) at Table 50. [Table 50]
· ...And, for the indie kids, Gothamist presents Movable Hype 1.5, the second in their series of musical showcases, featuring Fort Ancient, Morning Theft, and other bands you don't know. $7 gets you all this and an open bar while it lasts. Proceeds go to charity and you can expect lots of digital cameras. [Gothamist]

Friday
· Brush up on your post-punk folklore with the nostalgic crowd at the Mission of Burma show. Be sure to shake your head sympathetically when listening to the kids discuss how vapid their life was until the band reunited. [Bowery Ballroom]
· Take a virtual safari (without the drugs) and check out Diana Thater's new video installation, which utilizes a month's worth of footage from a Panamanian rain forest. [David Zwirner Gallery]
Saturday
· If you've got the cash for Craigslist or are just willing to sell your soul, do your best to weasel into the sold-out show for the latest "it" band out of Montreal, The Dears. [Mercury Lounge]
· Celebrate the new year with the inaugural gathering of FAGapalooza, a monthly event which celebrates LGBT musicians. Performers tonight include Corinne Curcio and something called Swivel Chair. [TONY]
Sunday
· Monday is MLK day, which means you hopefully aren't working. Stay out all night tonight, and don't disappoint us with any inappropriate sobriety.