Sienna and Jude's balls: Barbados-bound. Together they'll make domestic reconciliation layer cake. Lady Gagadong's moneyballs will drop on New Years. William Hurt is your new existential bicycle. Gene Simmons is still trying to rock. Presenting your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup:

  • Hell yeah: Sienna Miller and Jude Law are back like woah. Sienna invited Jude to spend time in Barbados to celebrate their birthdays; not you, not me, just Jude. I'm for this. I can't explain why yet, but if Sienna Miller and Jude "I follow my dick and not the other way around" Law can work their shit out, who can't? Also, isn't Barbados kinda whimsical? I hear it is. I'm not sure. [Page Six]

  • Demi Moore's pissed off about her W cover in which they erased part of her hip. I mean, better than her face, right? [Page Six]

  • Our Lady of the Immaculate Penis, Lady Gaga, will be performing at Miami's hotel-as-nightclub Kingdom of Spend, The Fontainebleau, for New Year's Eve. Well! Page Six is using this for their lead item: the show is becoming the most expensive ticket in the country for NYE. Gaga's only getting $300,000 for the show, meanwhile, ticket sales are above $1M. There're "a few $25,000 tables" left, and a GA ticket would run you $425. Meanwhile, in New York, you can freeze your ass off, go to Lucky Chang's, and tell your High Priestess of the Bar to go on stage, wear a funny hat, and sing "Poker Face" until it's 2010 or until everyone blacks out, and it'll only run you about $30. That's assuming they kick you out after taking your wallet. New York: where everything's simply better. [Page Six]

  • Page Six thinks they kind of have some kind of exclusive on Mary J. Blige taking "no more drama" from her husband by hitting him in the kisser at her album release party. It looks to me like she's wiping some ketchup off his face, but, you know, we all see life through different lenses, or something. Maybe she's hitting him in the face because her release party was at M2/Mansion, which suuuucks. [Page Six]

  • Jamie Pressley got married to this dude four months after she met him. FOUR MONTHS. [People]

  • So, the new Yankees DH we got on a one-year contract instead of trying to keep Matsui went to Southern Hospitality—the restaurant Justin Timberlake once had some kind of stake in—and bought all of his friends dinner? And then Joey Fatone showed up? This item is too weird and I can't tell where the PR spin is coming from and I think I'm gonna be sick. NEXT. [Page Six]

  • Gene Simmons is still totally rock and roll and still totally kicking people's asses. Rock. [NYDN]

  • Angelina Jolie's basically like, "I'm crazy and want to fuck other dudes and when Brad Pitt and I argue about this things get heated." Lady, no shit. She said Brad gets "defiant." I hope this doesn't explain the beard. Then again, when I get "defiant," I normally just knock things over. Like trash cans. Mailboxes. Small people who aren't children but are not considered
    "by law" vertically challenged. Things that make satisfying noises when they break. You ever throw a really, reallyfuckingbig rock into a lake? It make this GA-GLOOP sound as it crashes. It's incredibly satisfying. [Page Six]

  • Nic Cage being sued for all of his money makes me sad. Biggie was right: Mo Money, Mo Problems, no matter who you are. Even if you are Nic Cage, this is absolutely the case! [Page Six]

  • Rihanna played Tug of War in the lobby at the Bryant Park Hotel with her friends. Over luggage. You know who lost? Rihanna's friends. Because they were staying at the Bryant Park Hotel. Who comes to town and stays on 42nd Street besides Fashion Week people and your parents? ON THE REALS. [Page Six]

  • Nick Cannon and his old lady Mariah Carey got some underprivileged kids presents. BAWWWWZ. Also, "old lady," funny because it's true. [NYDN]

  • Well, this is stupid. Page Six is trying to convince you that Fergie and Josh "I Cheated on Fergie and Had Sex With a Stripper" Duhamel are trying to have a baby together, because they were at a baby store, looking at things. Not at all because they may have been buying something for somebody else. Like me. [Page Six]

  • Kanye West went to go see Avatard with Amber Rose, and he's now going to make his new album dressed entirely in blue. [People]

  • H8U, Page Six, when you get into political reporting. There's some assemblyman named Richard Brodsky who runs some kind of public advocacy platform and also, apparently, apartments out of his barn, which he needs to clear up the violations on after his tenants ratted on him. One of them was like, "Not enough peanut butter, PLZ K THX." [Page Six]

  • The NYDN runs down the Hollywood flameouts of the aughts, but they trenchantly observe that the careers of everyone who was in Scooby Doo basically got totally fucked. BAROO? indeed. [NYDN]

  • People who aren't Jewish supposedly think the Coen Brothers' A Serious Man is too "inside Matzo Ball," or too Jewish. I mean, they're probably right. [Page Six]

  • TMZ wants to know if you'd rather have sex with Goldie Hawn or Kate Hudson. I kind of think this is an all-or-nothing proposition. [TMZ]

  • William Hurt was eating at some Turkish restaurant alone. [Page Six]

  • It's Jared Leto's birthday! [D-Listed]

Okay, holidays are over, finally. Now we can get to your next reason to shamelessly get drunk and reminisce: New Year's! Also, did anybody get engaged yesterday? I hear Christmas is a big day for that kind of thing. Happy Boxing Day! That's today, right? Ugh. Yes. Too much Egg Nog. Time to dance it off.