Burger King sales are plummeting now that "super fans" are cutting back. For example, one super fan "figures he is saving more than $100 a week by eating fewer burgers." Goodness! Can America's food crisis grow any more dire?

America's leading purveyor of juice now: the Coca-Cola corporation! Which took the lead from the Pepsi Corporation! Thanks to the inept work of "breathtaking" universal branding hustler Peter Arnell. And the aforementioned Burger King has not been saved by America's #1 creative creative creative, Alex "Zany Al" Bogusky. In short, we seem to have reached the point at which America is so saturated with grease and corn syrup that is brain has locked into a holding pattern, unable to be influenced by even the cleverest of clever marketing campaigns. We are, at last, chair-bound zombies—and the very plastic-food companies that pushed us to this point will suffer for it.

[Isn't it kind of depressing that Coke is the biggest juice company? How about a juice company? You know? Pic via]