LiLo was "giggling" and downing Jack and Coke when she admitted to using drugs. Lady Gaga's meat dress gets made into jerky. Britney Spears buys a skateboard for her sons. Thursday gossip is totally saturated.

  • When Lindsay Lohan tweeted her confession that she'd failed a drug test ("I am a work in progress, just as anyone else") she was apparently sitting at Hollywood eatery Magnolia, "giggling" and downing Jack and Cokes. (Apparently the "source" overheard her order.) Us claims LiLo pecked the missive into her Blackberry while an assistant (the much-maligned Elinore?) and male friend drove from the backseat: "Her friend would say, 'No, use 'setback,' don't say 'mistake.' They'll say you make mistakes all the time!" They sent the draft to Lindsay's management team, and sometime thereafter it appeared in her Twitter. Meanwhile, asked about Lindsay's failed drug test, Dina Lohan allegedly asked guests at her birthday party, "Who cares if it's true? Our new team is like a machine. They'll squash this." [Us, image via Splash]

And already, things are getting squashed! Lindsay failed two drug tests, but it turns out the second one tested positive for Adderall, which she is allowed to take. She has a court date tomorrow. [TMZ]

  • Meanwhile, 16-year-old Ali Lohan is trying to fill Lindsay's leggings as a model for her clothing line. See image at right. [Us]
  • "David Beckham: I Never Hired a $10,000-a-Night Hooker!" Victoria already spends that much on mink bedsheets sewn with diamond needles, anyway. [Us]
  • Earlier this week, Fred Armisen's "people" started a rumor that Elisabeth Moss caused their divorce by being a Scientology freak. Now Elizabeth's people are angry, and asking if he wants them to "get down in the dirt like him," because they all know "the real truth" about the divorce, and "it isn't going to be pretty." Probably stuff about sex. [Popeater]
  • Britney Spears bought a skateboard for her sons. Unless it's for herself, so she can roll far, far away from here. [People]
  • When Madonna goes to restaurants, she brings her own chef to make macrobiotic meals out of soba noodles and raw fish. [P6]
  • Jon Hamm suffered from depression after his parents' deaths. Just like Don Draper? [Popeater]
  • The Medellin drug cartel wanted to put a hit on Real Housewife of New Jersey Danielle Staub. Apparently Daniel Aguilar, a guy she used to smoke coke-sprinkled joints with in the '80s—back when she was a prostitute named "Angela Minelli"—testified in cout that Pablo Escobar's cartel used her for drug deals, and when someone stole $100,000 of yayo from her, the response was, "We should just kill her. Get her out of the way. She's nothing but a prostitute and a bitch." Ultimately they didn't care enough to pull the trigger. Anyway, all of Danielle's drug friends thought she was dead (she had actually accepted a federal witenss deal) but then she showed up on this Bravo reality show! And then she told everyone how awful the cartel guys were: She said Daniel, who later served nine years for drug-related charges, raped her on broken glass and hung her dog. So now Daniel's suing because he says he didn't. Damn, those New Jersey housewives are really the scariest. [Radar]
  • Contrary to some reports, Rooney Mara is alive and well on the set of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. (Everyone thought an on-set tragedy had befallen her!) Scarlett, Natalie, and every other Hollywood starlet who desperately wanted that role may now return to plotting Lisbeth's destruction. [MovieFone]
  • Janet Jackson's relationship with a Qatari billionaire is "heating up." The Middle East loves it some Jackson. [P6]
  • Lady Gaga's meat dress is being turned into beef jerky for archival purposes. [People]