Courtney Love takes David LaChapelle's car and chauffeur for a midnight joyride. David Duchovny and Tea Leoni split up again. Kim Kardashian hands out wedding confidentiality agreements. And Emma Watson talks about her first crush. Wednesday gossip asks, where's my car?

  • Courtney Love "stole" photographer David LaChapelle's chauffeur-driven SUV and took it on a joyride, which had LaChapelle "freaking out" and "frantically trying to reach her and his driver on the phone." A representative at the Soho House—the members-only house of horror from which Courtney absconded—confirmed the incident: "Courtney did take his car. David was flipping out and going crazy at the front desk that Courtney stole his car." She rode the car to director Brett Ratner's house and Ratner also confirmed the vehicular heist. (I mean, why bother "no comment"-ing, it's Courtney Love.) He added that "Courtney and David are best friends," so it was probably just a misunderstanding. [P6, photo via Getty]
  • David Duchovny—a sex addict who played a sex addict on TV, after playing an emotionally stunted alien-hunter—has split from wife of 14 years Tea Leoni. They also separated in 2008, while David was in sex addict rehab, but reconciled after a few months. [Us]
  • Kim Kardashian is making those who come into contact with her two wedding dresses (yes, two) sign a confidentiality agreement. [P6]
  • 58-year-old Jeff Goldblum and 26-year-old socialite/nudie model Lydia Hearst have broken up. [Gatecrasher]
  • On the heels of her scandal-plagued Malawi charity's implosion and her own controversial Malawian adoptions, Madonna is now trying to build an orphanage in Malawi. Madge's do-good disasters kind of make you appreciate non-disastrous do-gooders like Angelina Jolie more. [E!]
  • Pippa Middleton sat next to her ex at Wimbledon, which sounds benign, but remember, her family is royalty, now! Watching a tennis match together is like fucking in public. [People]
  • Emma Stone explains how paparazzi try to strike deals with pretty young fame things: "He [a photographer] stands up while I'm walking to my car and is like, ‘Hey, Emma! Listen, I'm going to delete these pics. Here's my card. If you
    ever go to the beach with your friends or walk out of your house in your pajamas, call me.' He's like, ‘But I'm deleting these pictures, see?'… These guys try to strike up a deal with you so you feel like they're your friend. I didn't even know that was a thing—that people would call them." Duh. It's Lindsay Lohan's primary source of income. [VF]
  • Ryan Phillippe took a mightily pregnant Alexis Knapp, the 21-year-old ex-girlfriend he reportedly impregnated, to the obstetrician the other day. At the time the story broke, the rumor was that Phillippe wanted a paternity test. Does this mean he got one, and it's his? [Us]
  • America Ferrera got married in "an intimate setting" and intense dress on Monday. [People]
  • Tara Reid tried to steal a shopping cart from a Walgreen's parking lot to use on a taco run. This story reeks of high school gym shorts and cannabis. [P6]
  • Emma Watson first crush was Draco Malfoy: "For the first two movies, I had a huge crush on Tom Felton. He was my first crush. He totally knows. We talked about it—we still laugh about it. We are really good friends now, and that's cool." Unless, of course, he cries into his pillow every night, knowing he could have had Emma Watson, if only he'd had the presence of mind at age 7 to put a ring on it. No foresight, that one. [Seventeen]
  • Sister, Sister star Tia Mowery delivered her first child, a son, yesterday. This story needs more twinning. [Us]