• Alec Baldwin leaves a voicemail for his daughter Ireland and calls her a "thoughtless little pig." Ah, fatherhood! So, who doubts our stalker sightings now? April 11, Alec Baldwin, screaming into a phone... Yup! (Us: 1. Kimmel: 0.) [TMZ]
  

• Amy Sacco seems to be losing her touch—her new London nightclub has barely made a blip on the radar screen over there. [DBTH]
  

Sole survivor of the Baldwin Family Career Curse Alec has always been an actor with a conscience, as demonstrated recently by his reaction to a NY Times article about a young female soldier from Phoenix soon headed off to combat. So touched was he by Pvt. Resha Kane's story, Baldwin himself (no, that's no typo—we said himself) tracked down Kane's family to tell them he'd like to contribute to Kane's college tuition fund:

While his vastly more successful and less troubled brother Alec scoops up acting accolades at awards ceremonies around town, fascinating nature vs. nurture case study Daniel Baldwin's most notable recent projects remain limited to the sphere of crack-related run-ins with the law. Now, he can proudly add "fugitive experience" to his resume skills section, as a Newport judge has issued a warrant for his arrest for failing to show up to his arraignment for a car theft charge:

Folks from communications team just came by with the most outrageous request of the rotation: Alec Baldwin called...He asked if they could send down some "GE items" to put on his desk on the set of the TV show "30 Rock" so it looks more "GE." You gotta be kidding me with this stuff.

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let everyone know about the time Jason Bateman's gay dog mounted your friend's bi-curious daschund on Runyon Canyon.

The time: 2 p.m.
The date: December 9, 2006.
The place: 96th Street and Broadway.
Sighted: "Alec Baldwin bitch slapping some dude in the middle of West 96th Street. The guy had walked in front of Baldwin's car or something. Baldwin got out, slapped him and called him a cocksucker. Looked like he's lost weight."

A tipster just forwarded us an NBC Universal e-mail newsletter which included this preview of an exciting promotional feature they'll be rolling out on Sunday, giving their own staff a chance to be among the first to tap through a series of automated menus and send their loved ones a greeting from GE's Vice President of East Coast Television and Microwave Programming. Nothing says "I was bored at work during the holiday slowdown" like sending your mother a message in Alec Baldwin's voice saying, "You always struck me as a lesbian. And a lonely one at that. While everyone else is out making merry at Christmas parties you weren't invited to, why not gather up your six cats, spike some eggnog with cheap Scotch, and join your new best friends at 30 Rock, 9:30 pm Eastern Standard Time on NBC? See you then!"

Like so many others for whom the Hollywood dream has gone sour, Sable, Cody, and Angel probably started in the business with high hopes, but wound up mostly living hand to mouth, forced into wearing close to nothing and swinging on poles for other's amusement when they weren't being terrorized by a physically abusive svengali. But now comes happy news, as a lawsuit settlement has granted the three hard-luck showbiz vets an early retirement:

30 Rock's Vice President of East Coast Television and Microwave Programming, Alec Baldwin, has a storied history of not backing down from fights, whether he's getting all up in the grill of an NYPD officer who disagrees that his celebrity status somehow exempts him from airplane-crash-site cordons, or tattling to a gossip columnist about how a particularly difficult costume designer is a "fruit-salad head." The actor now once again finds himself at odds—this time with the producers of an Arnold Schwarzenegger documentary he was contracted to narrate—and Radar reports that the beastly Baldwin hasn't minced words in registering his displeasure:

Sensing that this much-circulated photograph of Alec Baldwin trying to bypass a blockade set up in the aftermath of Wednesday's tragic NY plane crash by charming a police officer with a rendition of his favorite line from Glengarry Glen Ross ("What's my name? Fuck you, that's my name!" naturally) might make her client seem insensitive, Baldwin's publicist explained away the incident (and another one that occurred the same night) thusly, according to Page Six:

• Hilary Duff and Joel Madden are seeking a restraining order against a 19-year-old Russian man who, they believe, came to the states "for the sole purpose of meeting and becoming romantically involved with Ms. Duff." Christ, Lizzie, don't flatter yourself. [TMZ]
• After Alec Baldwin was photographed yelling at a police officer on the scene of that inconvenient Cory Lidle plane crash, he then headed over to the Grand Havana Room to berate the ESL crowd. [Page Six]
• Dixie Chick Natalie Maines still thinks that "Bush is a dumb fuck." [R&M]
• A Telepictures interview with John Mark Karr, the creepy freak who falsely claimed to have killed JonBenet Ramsey, was too disgusting for Good Morning America. Karr was paid for the interview, given six drinks beforehand, and told that it was just a run-through, though it wasn't. The dubious situation is perfect for the Today show, wh ich bought the footage. [Page Six]
• K-Fed says his kids come first. Aw, shit, K-Fed — you one funny playa! [People]

We've been straining to find an angle into this whole Cory Lidle plane crash madness, which has provided a smorgasbord of material for our East Coast-ian sister site Gawker and sports-obsessed cousin Deadspin, though offered little by way of the "But how does this affect people making their sitcom-starring debuts tonight?" approach to human tragedy we usually can count on. So while it may take a few days before we get new mom Maggie Gyllenhaal's thoughts on baby safety in a post Lidle-crash America, we'll have to settle for this Reuters photograph of star of stage and screens-of-varying-size Alec Baldwin, plying his twinkly-eyed charms on an NYPD officer in an attempt to maneuver his way past a cordon to get to what we can only assume was the alluring waft of freshly reheated knishes beckoning to him from across the street.

You know, Alec Baldwin was great in the The Departed, but that doesn't mean he can bully his way past a police line. We recognize that Cory Lidle's plane crash and death might have interfered with Baldwin's commute, and after all, any tragedy could benefit from Baldwin's trademark brand of masculine gravitas. But give it time, man. Too soon.

• To reiterate, Madonna did not adopt a boy during her visit to Malawi to help AIDS orphans. But since the Malawian keeps telling everyone that she did, you can bet she won't be back anytime soon. [Page Six]
• After putting Neosporin on her ego, former NBC News Anchor Mary Alice Williams heads to CBS to be Katie Couric's writer. [Lowdown]
• Nicole Richie breaks up with Brody Jenner after he offers her a potato chip. [Us Weekly]
• Tara Reid reportedly has her breast implants removed and liposuction scars touched up. So the next time she gets bombed and falls out of her dress, the image of her tits won't make you cry. Or not as hard, anyhow. [Page Six]
• Eva Longoria ditches Tony Parker for the loving embrace of AC Slater. [Scoop]
• Maggie Gyllenhaal finally spits out Peter Sarsgaard's child, a baby girl named Ramona. [R&M (bottom)]
• Kim Basinger is arraigned on charges of contempt after ex-husband Alec Baldwin sells her out with a list of custody violations. Honestly, we look forward to the day their daughter is old enough to buy a gun and shut her parents up once and for all. [TMZ]

Now that the entire world knows that Florida congressman Mark Foley has a thing for congressional pages, particularly those who are male and under the age of 18, irate, hirsute actor Alec Baldwin takes to the Huffington Post for some reflection:

Visitors to CourtTV.com at 2 p.m. PST will be able to chat with Dessarae Bradford, noted self-published memoirist of the beloved coming-of-age tale, I Fucked Alec Baldwin In His Ass, and, more recently, for playing herself as a recurring character in Colin Farrell's living nightmares. You still have well over an hour to prepare your questions for the most media-friendly celebrity stalker of all time, and, as no topic is off-limits, we'd encourage boldness and creativity in your stalker-chat queries. (Some examples: "What did fucking Alec Baldwin in his ass feel like?" "When two or more voices in your head give you conflicting orders, which do you follow?" "Are you as bewildered as we are over Jay Leno's enduring popularity?") Feel free to leave your own in the comments section, and we'll do our best to make sure Dessarae gets them.

Page Six got an advance peek at an interview with Alec Baldwin in the upcoming issue of GQ, in which the 30 Rock scene-stealer rattles off at the mouth in the way that grumpy, over-the-hill leading men so often tend to do. After sharing some choice words about ex-wife Kim Basinger and her lawyer, Judy Bogen (whom he describes as an unlikely "300-pound homunculus,"), he then offers some backhanded support for Tom Cruise:

• Lindsay Lohan pays her fifth visit to the ER this year, having fractured her wrist in two places after slipping and falling in her Chanel boots. So much for being Karl Lagerfeld's BFF. [Us Weekly]
• Mel Gibson emerges to walk his only daughter down the aisle. If she'd married a Jew, however, he'd just have stayed home. [TMZ]
• Alec Baldwin tells GQ that ex-wife Kim Basinger's unkind words about him were so awful, he wanted to die. Calling the guy Saddam Hussein really cuts to the quick. [Page Six]
• A second autopsy is still inconclusive about the cause of death for Anna Nicole Smith's late son, Daniel. He was taking anti-depressants (wouldn't you?), though there's nothing to indicate a suicidal overdose. [R&M (bottom)]
• Bruce Willis will say just about anything so that you don't call him a Republican. [Lowdown]
• Mary-Kate Olsen protects her mystery dirtbag boyfriend from the Richards sisters' vaginas by aggressively sucking face at Bungalow. [Page Six]