All-Baldwin Friday Morning continues here at Defamer with the above clip of the alienated, shouty dad's highly anticipated appearance on today's episode of The View, a segment so exhaustively previewed in the media that its actual broadcast was doomed to anticlimax. Still, even if we feel we've read every obligatory, publicly contrite word before, our role in any celebrity's televised Redemption Tour is to patiently listen and nod along as if we're hearing it all for the first time, lest crisis managers decide such desperation moves have lost their effectiveness and deprive of us future talk show mea culpas.

This morning's eagerly anticipated episode of "The View" featured Alec Baldwin, who showed up in vague-contrition mode. While kind of sorry about the things he said to his daughter's cell phone, Baldwin mostly used the appearance to launch into the world's longest lecture on parental alienation and the intricacies of the legal system as pertains custodial rights. It's a good PR plan: Bore people into forgetting what you did in the first place. Anyway, as the above clip shows, Baldwin is about forgiveness. Specifically, he forgives the people who left mean comments on his website. ("AlecBaldwin.com," he helpfully reminds.) Important takeaway: Sure, he might have yelled at his daughter to watch out for a car or come out of the ocean, but he has never yelled at her like he did on the phone before. Which is probably why that infamous voicemail message started with "Once again..." Also, Kim Basinger sounds like a pain in the ass.

Earlier this week, we were shocked—shocked! etc etc—to discover that embattled actor Alec Baldwin had abruptly dismissed his CAA agents, as what any performer needs most during times of personal crisis is a group hug from the only people in Hollywood genuinely concerned about their welfare: the ones earning healthy commissions from them. While the theory that Baldwin might have been locked in a heated battle with his ex-wife for sole custody of the agency certainly made enough sense, today's Page Six floats a theory that pulls yet another innocent child into the matter:

Last night we heard from Yale Associate Professor of English Bill Deresiewicz (affectionately known in these parts as "Cockmaster D"), who was upset that we'd posted two assignments from his class on "Reportage" the other day. (Assignment: "Report on a person or event in such a way as to include your presence as a narrator.") His students wrote about Alec Baldwin's visit to the Yale campus, and Baldwin's flirtation with a girl who was named "Audrey."

• An obsessive fan of Sandra Bullock tried to run over her husband, that biker dude, last weekend. [Us]
  

Alec Baldwin, chatting with the gals from 'The View' on tomorrow's show, can't seem to stop himself from blabbing forth the following observation:

• "If I never acted again I couldn't care less," Alec Baldwin reportedly said while taping an episode of the View that will air Friday. He also said that he wanted to quit 30 Rock. Whee! [AP]
  

Perhaps hoping to talk down embattled, shouty actor Alec Baldwin from whatever ledge he may have crawled out on under the stress of his punishing cross-examination by The View's couchbound inquisitors earlier today, NBC has already released an official statement about Baldwin's surprising intimation that he asked out of his 30 Rock contract because of the media shitstorm in which he finds himself:

Alec Baldwin doesn't spend all his time on the phone in New York City, it turns out. Last week, he visited Yale to give a "master's tea" but also took some time to get acquainted with his surroundings. Fortunately, two of the university's creative writing students encountered Mr. Baldwin while he was there—and they recorded their impressions.

We know of only one way to cope with the crippling grief that's overcome us since Rosie O'Donnell's announcement that's she's abandoning the indentation on The View's couch she's so ably filled over the past year: pretending it's not happening by filling up our front page with fresh clips of her moving image. Shortly after breaking the hearts of millions of daytime talkshow viewers, O'Donnell trumpeted a huge get for the show she's leaving behind: Noted angry-voicemail-leaver Alec Baldwin will join the ladies on Friday* for a Celebrity Parenting Summit, during which topics of interest to famous parents, such as "alienation," "media strategies in prolonged child custody hearings," and "barnyard animals to which one should not compare one's daughter, even while under extreme mental duress," will be discussed. This, we suspect, will be the kind of appointment viewing we've come to expect from the O'Donnell-led Golden Age that will soon be coming to a close.

Because we're so foul-mouthed ourselves, and so accustomed to screaming at children, and also to treating everyone around us like garbage, we were surprised by the force of the anti-Baldwin sentiment still rising in New York. (Well, this is after all the new New York, the one where everyone's kind to tweens, instead of turning them out on the corner like Jodie Foster in Taxi Driver.) Our two most recent stalker sightings, from this afternoon and last night, both take a seriously dim view of the crude-mouthed actor.

· Pax Thien is getting another name change, though in fairness, this one shouldn't be as psychologically damaging as the one forced on him back in March.
· A recovering Roger Ebert dares the tabloids to make fun of his cancer.
· Showtime stars going to rehab only get Short Ends mentions.
· Finally, a wearable version of Dr. House's world-weary, drug-dependency-induced cynicism! At least it's for charity.
· The Alec Baldwin doll: a surefire way to smooth things over with the child your ex-wife has just forced you to berate.

In a shocking—shocking!—development in the Alec Baldwin Voicemail Fiasco, the LAT is reporting that the actor (pictured at left with an unidentified lesser Baldwin during happier times) has left his longtime agents at CAA:

We turn to CNN.com's cherished Story Highlights box to get us up to speed on exactly where we stand in the public celebrity-parenting clinic currently being offered by Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger: The actress, says her rep, did not release the voicemail (which they'll also have you know was not sealed under a court order, as previously claimed by Baldwin), a strategic denial that clearly sets up embattled daughter Ireland for the eventual fall. (Under the the duress of cross-examination in their next custody hearing, we expect her to crumble and reveal she chose TMZ for the leaks because she loves looking at video of Scarlett Johansson falling down.) To our knowledge, Baldwin has yet to issue a counter-statement detailing the parental alienation he feels as a result of this latest Basinger volley.

Photo: Kim Basinger and daughter go for a stroll with new bodyguard Cynical McCustodystunt.

[Note: We moved the video after the jump because of its annoying tendency to autostart each time our home page was reloaded.] While Alec Baldwin has yet to publicly comment on the leak of yet another troubling phone call, we expect that he'll address this newest parenting controversy on his website shortly, explaining that everyone who knows him privately knows what he's endured over the last several years in his custody litigation, and knows that there are certain people who will go any any lengths to embarrass him, disrupt his relationship with Dora the Explorer, and prevent him from sharing in her many wonderful animated adventures.

You know, a guy loses his temper and leaves one little angry voicemail on his daughter's cellphone, and the next thing he knows, the LA Times is making with the cheap-shot "No wire hangers!" headlines. It's days like these that make a man grateful he's at least got a super-pal like YouTube Batman in his corner.

So, that unfortunate voicemail Alec Baldwin left for his daughter? TMZ had the clip, we had the sighting, but now we've obtained the entire message. A transcription follows.

Following yesterday's leak of that troubling Alec Baldwin voicemail, the world was placed in the uncomfortable position of trying to determine which famous parent is the worse role-model for the impressionable Ireland, the one screaming into the phone, or the one who apparently wants their child custody battle played out in the tabloids. At least one former associate of the onetime couple has now made his choice and gone public with his feelings, bringing his trademark brand of vigilante justice to an already ugly and complicated situation.

In the off chance you haven't already had a listen, celebrity child-welfare advocacy organization TMZ.com has obtained a voicemail in which Glengarry Glen Ross star Alec Baldwin unleashes a Mametesque tirade at daughter Ireland for her failure to answer the phone for a scheduled chat, a recording they selflessly share in the interest of speeding along a resolution to Baldwin and ex-wife Kim Basinger's well-publicized familial disputes. Baldwin's already issued a statement about the message, blaming Basinger for leaking it: