Today's blind items deal with cross-dressing and bisexuality, a reality TV gold digger, and a caddish actor. Basically, nothing out of the ordinary for the seedier corners of showbiz. One wonders what would happen if all the blind items were revealed, if everything was laid bare. Hopefully the world would be a better, more honest place. The "Entertainment Lawyer" from Crazy Days and Nights plans to reveal all of his recent items in a matter of weeks. Transparency! Somewhat exciting. For now, though, you'll have to do with guessing, after the jump.

Welcome back to the work week! And look at that, May 19th all ready. Pretty soon it will be June and summer will be in full swing and we'll be too busy listening to the cicadas and drinking lemonade and trying to, dear God please, get the damn kids out of the damn house to care about silly blind items. For now, though, we'll carry on, with closeted starlets, obsessed publicists, and gnarled love triangles, after the jump.

Happy rainy Friday. I don't know about you guys, but my mind is sufficiently blown by a tiring week. Specifically Lost last night, a show that both elates and infinitely frustrates me. So let's just cut to the chase: "Which TV legend likes to play dirty in the bedroom? The larger-than-life fella ties up his conquests with bathrobes - and takes breaks from 'satisfying' the girls only to snort piles of coke." [Rush & Molloy] Three more items after the jump. Namaste, y'all.

Why is it that everyone must pretend? The news pretends that Hillary might still win. I pretend (to myself, no less) that today is the day that I clean my apartment or do laundry. And geigh showbiz types just can't stop pretending that they enjoy the intimate company of ladies: "Which hot US musician is kidding no-one with his string of showmances? Everyone in the business knows he'd rather a hunk to a gorgeous leading lady." [Mirror] Sigh. Just give up the ghost everyone! Enjoy a summer off, Hillary. Resign yourself to live in filth, me. And you, geigh showbiz type, we already know about you. Another item after the jump.

Drinking is fun! Except when you want to die the next day. Lest I divulge too much about my personal life, I'll just say that hypothetically I may know what it feels like to wake up in a mysterious house in Chelsea, ruing the day that vodka was invented. Hypothetically! Which is why, dear sweet Advil-bearing (I hope) readers, I can relate to our first blind item on this terribly, terribly bright and noisy morning: "Which fresh-faced A-list actress is actually a closet alcoholic? This gorgeous starlet likes to kick-start her day with an early morning Bloody Mary - and a couple of Nurofen." [Mirror] Two more items after the jump.

Sunshine! Blind items about gay characters on (undoubtedly) silly shows! Springtime! Also, I'm finally in our new offices for the first time, so everything seems new and fresh. Unlike our straight-playing-gay actor's girlfriends. He likes his ladies a little, erm, riper: "Which young star - who plays gay on his hot TV show - has a taste for significantly older women?" [Rush & Molloy] Three more items after the jump.

Just as the nicest spring can turn gray and stormy, as it is today, the most charmed and seemingly happy of celebrity lives can become dark and turmoiled. Like this poor movie star, who has been living a lie: "Which Hollywood star, who's had a string of failed romances with eligible leading men, frequents lesbian bars in New York and LA?" [Mirror]. Or perhaps this troubled and, um, unfeeling fellow: "Which music-producing superstar recently had his nether regions pierced in hopes of increasing his, you know, sensation?" [Full Disclosure] Ah these darling buds of May. How they are... uh, shaken by.. rough... winds. Sigh. Two more tales of anger and failure after the jump.

On this sunny morning, a sad tale of a woman who slipped through the cracks of society into its strange underbelly. "I guess [this actress] is C list now, although she does still have A list name recognition. She isn't cheap, but she sure does cost less than some of those hookers who have been in the news. From what I understand if you would like to have this woman who used to be fairly good looking but now is just a washed up mess be your companion, you do need to hire her for at least a week. You need to spend your entire time with her outside the United States and provide her airfare to and from the States. There are no guarantees she will even come close to remaining sober throughout your time together, but she does only charge $50,000 for the week. She also claims she is drug and disease free but I think she is referring to drugs of the injectable variety." [Crazy Days and Nights] Another unhinged lady after the jump.

Um, hi. I hate to start a Monday morning off this way, but journalistic integrity demands I do so. Have you ever had sex with food? No, I don't mean humping a casserole or anything (if you have done that, I'm not judging!) but rather food-play. It seems an actor likes to smear himself in edibles before he does the deed with a hooker. I... Yeah. I don't know. Here's the item: "I honestly thought I knew about most sexual fetishes. I guess I have heard of this, but never heard of anyone who actually participated. The thought that a former A list film actor and now a B- with some great name recognition would enjoy participating in food sex is kind of funny. Food sex as in covering you and your partner in various foods and then having sex. Our actor only does it in hotels and only with hookers. Maybe having all that food all over him hides his bald areas." [Crazy Days and Nights] Two more less-gross items after the jump.

Can you believe that it's May already? I feel like it was just February. If anyone could tell me what happened in March and April, that'd be greatly appreciated. For now, though, I'll just keep plodding ahead, as we all must. I'm going to put on my best dress, a big floppy bonnet, and dance around the maypole. And, um, speculate about penis piercings: "Which celebrity dad is just as rebellious as his starlet daughter? The troubled parent wears a ring through a piercing on his nether regions." [P6] A few more sunshiny spring blind items after the jump.

Hey folks. Here's the skinny: I'm not feeling so hot today. Not sure what it is, but I just feel off. And this aunt-fucking blind item, from Crazy Days and Nights, certainly doesn't help: "This male star of a really popular cable tween show calls the woman he is always with, his aunt. If it really is his aunt then, he has a very loving family. In reality, he just doesn't want all of his screaming tween fans to know that he is dating a woman in her 40's." A few more, hopefully less nauseating, items after the jump.

It would be nice to go on a trip somewhere. Especially on this gray, rainy Monday morning. Maybe London! Though, airline tickets are expensive, especially if you're a Hollywood type who's expected to fly first class. Lord help you if you're caught in business class, lest you be the object of ridicule for two illiterate, scabies-ridden alcoholics: "This B- film actress was on a flight with her girlfriend and hid her face under her blanket the entire flight. Why? She could only afford Business Class. Not too bad except when two people from The Real World were laughing at you from First Class." [Crazy Days and Nights] Three more items after the jump.

Happy Friday! What have you got planned this weekend? I haven't had a real weekend in a long while, what with pesky funerals and family visits getting in the way. But not this weekend, no sir. The whole thing is wide open. I might see a Gawker commenter tomorrow (don't worry I won't say which one!!!!!!) and that's about it. If I get bored at all, maybe I'll go do some "booger sugar" (really, Ben Widdicombe?) with this messy New York rock and or roller: "Which 'sensitive' heartthrob rocker does his best work with a snoot full of booger sugar? Girls who flock to his side at NYC clubs notice he can't go but five minutes between bathroom breaks." Sounds like fun, huh? Depressing, soulless fun. Two more items after the jump. Guess away and tell me what you're up to this weekend so I can try to avoid you! (Kidding!)

Remember when you were younger (like nineteen or twenty) and, out of sheer last minute desperation, you would give your parents, as gifts, a set of little cards that said things like "Good for one dog walk" or "Will play chess with you once, dad"? Well, it seems some TV actor is as broke and unimaginative as a 10 year old on Christmas Eve: "Apparently during the WGA strike this B/C list actor on a very hit show for women must have read too many self help books. He decided that what the cast and crew needed each day was recognition and encouragement. So, to reward good deeds and good behavior, our actor started handing out $5 Starbucks gift cards to each guy on the set who does something good, and to the women he hands out certificates for a 20 minute massage. Oh, not from a professional masseuse. Oh no. They are all from our actor. And the certificates? Hand drawn." [Crazy Days and Nights] So sad. Two more blind items after the jump.

Look, it is one thing to spark up a doobie and get laced at parties, but it is quite another to walk around fried all day. So why do the rich and famous do it? Every day I'm reading about this and that with the smoking the drugs and the snorting the drugs. Is it because they can afford it? Are they bored? Why don't they just go take a walk? I tell you, when I become rich and famous (it's inevitable), all I'm going to get addicted to is fancy pajamas and Goldfish crackers. And booze. Hey, here's a druggy blind item right here, from Gatecrasher: "Which celebrity stylist, who should know better, has been blabbing in L.A. that a particular designer has tumbled off the wagon - again?" Two more items after the jump.

Happy Patriot's Day! Oh, wait, we're not in Boston? So you mean we can't start drinking now and go stand outside and watch the marathon runners zip by, happy that it's spring and that the wintry gray city finally looks bright again? Oh, that's too bad. I guess I'll just have to stumble along instead, chasing the answers to these blind items around and around, forever and ever. Much like Charlie on the MBTA. First up, we have a story from Jo Piazza about your favorite low-ceilinged smoke hut, the Beatrice Inn: "Which starlet left a black lace thong draped over the back of the toilet seat at the Beatrice Inn last week for the next patron to find, then went commando for the rest of the night?" Five more (!) items after the jump. Those of you who are in Boston on this wonderful day (especially those of you who may go to a certain Jesuit university along Commonwealth Avenue): you really should not be reading this. Go outside! Get drunk first. But then, go outside!

Yesterday was gorgeous in New York. It was warm and sunny and trees were flowering. People strolled around, hand in hand. Moods seemed lifted. And today is supposed to be about the same! I feel so rejuvenated, like the world is a special place again. But... oh. Wait. Look. The same old grimy, desperate showbiz creatures are still doing their dance macabre. Just like they do every day. Maybe the world hasn't changed after all. Maybe it's just gotten a new coat of paint. Sigh. First up, from Gatecrasher: "Which actress on a canceled show was 'doing her body weight' in cocaine at a beachy magazine shoot over the weekend?" Blargh. Two more items after the jump, plus a snippet of Ted Casablanca's latest Dadaist celebrity tone poem.

My parents are coming to visit this weekend, so I'm spending the next two days feverishly cleaning my apartment, trying to erase the sad stains of my existence. To that end, I'm going to clean up this post as best I can. After the jump there's a filthy blind item about TV star sex, but I'm not putting that out there for all to see! Instead, a simple story of a mean stylist lady and a poor overweight actress: "Which celebrity stylist has been banned by Louis Vuitton because its stuff has a habit of not coming back from her shoots? She also had that full-figured star of a hit TV comedy leave the set in tears after telling her, 'Ugh, I can't believe you don't fit into that!'" [Gatecrasher] Click through for two more, including that dirty one. But not if you're my parents!

Yesterday was tax day! You know what's not fun? Owing money. Which I did. You know what is fun? A blind item about a Hollywood movie star with a secret foreign wife. The guy at Crazy Days and Nights ran a long item yesterday that he got from his accountant. Not exactly sure what kind of breach of ethics that implies, but meh. Some actor has some foreign wife who he keeps for tax reasons (and also to protect him from girlfriends wanting to wed) and that's sort of funny and weird. Find the full item, plus something from the Brits, after the jump.

Why be mens so horny for? Today's blind items reinforce the notion that men, especially those who have suckled from the elusive teat of showbiz, are all about groping ladies and sexing them under false pretenses. It's a tale as old as time, I know, but nowadays, what with the internet and all, we have to read about it. And it's annoying. First up, from Gatecrasher: "Which now-washed up '90s TV star is exasperating his agent by putting all his sexual conquests in touch with the ten-percenter? He talks girls into bed by promising the agent will meet with them." A couple more dirty men, plus some items I missed during my brief absence, after the jump.