Today we have a drunken signer, a cheating British crooner, and a bunch of things about tweens—drunk ones, and miserly ones, and ones with coke problems. Plus, a bad mom.

Today we have only two blind items, one about a gay actor who is a gay person, the other about an actor who has a nasty old Prince Albert.

Today we have a star who uses a big name at hotels, a TV actor who's a terrible diva about learning his lines, and a movie star who's a terrible diva about walking.

Today we have a music exec who really knows how to dump a girl, three film directors who enjoy the company of Thai women, and a TV star who's got game.

Today we have an actor who really shouldn't be drinking but really is, an actress dating a bad man, and a wife using her husband's gay secret as leverage in a divorce.

Today we have a greedy young starlet, a jealous Tweeter, a TV actor offering sex to a TV hostess, and a foreign actor on a sex and heroin junket-launched bender. Just like in America's Sweethearts.

Egad what a lame bunch of blinds this morning. There is a rapper who sweats too much, two vain actors, and the aforementioned drunk.

Today we have only two sad little items. One about a comedian who's doing drugs, shockingly. The other is about, well, an actor who's doing drugs. But it's research for a role. So.

Today we have a sarcastic bodyguard, a TV star buying stolen goods, a downtown club—gasp!—staying open later than it's supposed to, and a soon-to-be-nasty divorce.

Today we have a young chanteuse getting slightly odd plastic surgery, a celebrity mommy who goes skiing way too often, and a big time star trying to come back down to Earth.

Today we have a starlet with a secret same-sex tryst, a fading actor who had a quickie with a fan, an actress who gives hobos her autograph, and an actress about to have an intervention.

Today we have a singer who's getting serviced by men on the sly, another singer who hates her husband, a TV star with a vibrator, and one of those Ted Casablanca items about gay people.

Today we have a secretly gay actor hooking up in airports, an actress on a crazy cheating-on-my-husband spree, and an actress who went desperately in search of vodka and came up victorious.

Today we have a secretly bitchy nice girl, an actor/comic/TV host who thinks he's a big deal when he actually isn't, and an in-college actor who is partying all the time and sleeping with their professor.

Today we have a Grammy winning rapstress who lurves her some weed, a sordid on-set love triangle, and a young Hollywood couple that broke up and now has no chance of getting back together.

Today we have an actress with a wacky diet, drunk and lonely people, secret baby daddies, an actress employing strange techniques to get free clothes, and a fried weed smoker.

Blind items—on the weekend?!? Why not, god damn it? Today: a chain-smoking, clothes-scamming actress, a 'spiritual' weedhead actor, and a party boy addicted to too-young Thai girls:

Today we have a squeaky clean TV host who does drugs, an actress having an affair, and a father of two celebrities who is trying to sabotage one of his kids.

Today we have a starlet who's being cheated on, something that I'm pretty sure is about Jen A., and a reality star who tried to shmooze with the glitterati just a bit too much.

Today we have a cheating Oscar winner, a short TV actor, another cheating award winner, a self-conscious actress, and a reality star with a (gasp!) sordid past.