If there's anything we can learn from blind items, it's that everyone who is marginally famous either has some bizarre sexual proclivity, is on drugs, or is a gay. And sometimes a combination of two or more of those things. I'm not sure if this happens after they get famous or if they're in the entertainment industry because they're already weird, but the whole scene makes me happy I don't live in LA. Not that LA isn't a great city with great people and great... You know. Four druggy, sexy, faggy items after the jump.

Maybe it's the upcoming holiday, but this week is just dragging, isn't it? Hasn't it felt like Thursday since Monday? I think the only thing that will make this week go faster is a good old nerd ménage à trois. I mean! Hah! No, not to participate in, but to read about and chuckle. You'll find such a tale, along with three others, after the jump.

Today's blind items deal with cross-dressing and bisexuality, a reality TV gold digger, and a caddish actor. Basically, nothing out of the ordinary for the seedier corners of showbiz. One wonders what would happen if all the blind items were revealed, if everything was laid bare. Hopefully the world would be a better, more honest place. The "Entertainment Lawyer" from Crazy Days and Nights plans to reveal all of his recent items in a matter of weeks. Transparency! Somewhat exciting. For now, though, you'll have to do with guessing, after the jump.

Welcome back to the work week! And look at that, May 19th all ready. Pretty soon it will be June and summer will be in full swing and we'll be too busy listening to the cicadas and drinking lemonade and trying to, dear God please, get the damn kids out of the damn house to care about silly blind items. For now, though, we'll carry on, with closeted starlets, obsessed publicists, and gnarled love triangles, after the jump.

Happy rainy Friday. I don't know about you guys, but my mind is sufficiently blown by a tiring week. Specifically Lost last night, a show that both elates and infinitely frustrates me. So let's just cut to the chase: "Which TV legend likes to play dirty in the bedroom? The larger-than-life fella ties up his conquests with bathrobes - and takes breaks from 'satisfying' the girls only to snort piles of coke." [Rush & Molloy] Three more items after the jump. Namaste, y'all.

Why is it that everyone must pretend? The news pretends that Hillary might still win. I pretend (to myself, no less) that today is the day that I clean my apartment or do laundry. And geigh showbiz types just can't stop pretending that they enjoy the intimate company of ladies: "Which hot US musician is kidding no-one with his string of showmances? Everyone in the business knows he'd rather a hunk to a gorgeous leading lady." [Mirror] Sigh. Just give up the ghost everyone! Enjoy a summer off, Hillary. Resign yourself to live in filth, me. And you, geigh showbiz type, we already know about you. Another item after the jump.

Drinking is fun! Except when you want to die the next day. Lest I divulge too much about my personal life, I'll just say that hypothetically I may know what it feels like to wake up in a mysterious house in Chelsea, ruing the day that vodka was invented. Hypothetically! Which is why, dear sweet Advil-bearing (I hope) readers, I can relate to our first blind item on this terribly, terribly bright and noisy morning: "Which fresh-faced A-list actress is actually a closet alcoholic? This gorgeous starlet likes to kick-start her day with an early morning Bloody Mary - and a couple of Nurofen." [Mirror] Two more items after the jump.

Sunshine! Blind items about gay characters on (undoubtedly) silly shows! Springtime! Also, I'm finally in our new offices for the first time, so everything seems new and fresh. Unlike our straight-playing-gay actor's girlfriends. He likes his ladies a little, erm, riper: "Which young star - who plays gay on his hot TV show - has a taste for significantly older women?" [Rush & Molloy] Three more items after the jump.

This just landed in the Defamer tips box: "What crazy-ass, A-list starlet was Checked into the Roosevelt Hotel by a male friend because she was to high to drive, only to reward his chivalry by proceeding to make Poo Angels all over the room—including poo body-prints on the walls. Her shitty shenanigans ended up costing the poor bastard 6 grand." We certainly have no idea, but all this talk of Poo Angel-making has gotten us excited about the holidays! Who's up for a pooball fight? We are! [Defamer]

Just as the nicest spring can turn gray and stormy, as it is today, the most charmed and seemingly happy of celebrity lives can become dark and turmoiled. Like this poor movie star, who has been living a lie: "Which Hollywood star, who's had a string of failed romances with eligible leading men, frequents lesbian bars in New York and LA?" [Mirror]. Or perhaps this troubled and, um, unfeeling fellow: "Which music-producing superstar recently had his nether regions pierced in hopes of increasing his, you know, sensation?" [Full Disclosure] Ah these darling buds of May. How they are... uh, shaken by.. rough... winds. Sigh. Two more tales of anger and failure after the jump.

We've introduced you before to Cosmogirl/Smith grad, young Leo, who blogs sweetly and often naively for Cosmopolitan while toiling in the big bad media jungle. And now she's unwittingly given us a blind item to guess at! So there was a media networking event last month, and... "One guy blogger even asked for my number. I gave it to him (he was totally charming), but I'm wary because two bloggers dating can spell disaster! He told me the story of a very public breakup that ended up all over the Internet and even made its way into the papers..." Update: Well, I feel dumb! Our very own videographer and tumblrblogger Richard Blakeley just walked over to my desk and confessed. It was him, and his breakup with Jezebel's Moe did end up in the Post, on Page Six...

On this sunny morning, a sad tale of a woman who slipped through the cracks of society into its strange underbelly. "I guess [this actress] is C list now, although she does still have A list name recognition. She isn't cheap, but she sure does cost less than some of those hookers who have been in the news. From what I understand if you would like to have this woman who used to be fairly good looking but now is just a washed up mess be your companion, you do need to hire her for at least a week. You need to spend your entire time with her outside the United States and provide her airfare to and from the States. There are no guarantees she will even come close to remaining sober throughout your time together, but she does only charge $50,000 for the week. She also claims she is drug and disease free but I think she is referring to drugs of the injectable variety." [Crazy Days and Nights] Another unhinged lady after the jump.

Um, hi. I hate to start a Monday morning off this way, but journalistic integrity demands I do so. Have you ever had sex with food? No, I don't mean humping a casserole or anything (if you have done that, I'm not judging!) but rather food-play. It seems an actor likes to smear himself in edibles before he does the deed with a hooker. I... Yeah. I don't know. Here's the item: "I honestly thought I knew about most sexual fetishes. I guess I have heard of this, but never heard of anyone who actually participated. The thought that a former A list film actor and now a B- with some great name recognition would enjoy participating in food sex is kind of funny. Food sex as in covering you and your partner in various foods and then having sex. Our actor only does it in hotels and only with hookers. Maybe having all that food all over him hides his bald areas." [Crazy Days and Nights] Two more less-gross items after the jump.

Not a day goes by without a dozen blind items stirring up rumors about the newest Hollywood heroin addict or closeted anchor with sex swings in his office, but there is one very rare kind of bold face name-less rumor that catches our eye. And it has to do with "celebrity dads," "piercings," and "nether regions." As the NY Post Just Asks this morning:

Can you believe that it's May already? I feel like it was just February. If anyone could tell me what happened in March and April, that'd be greatly appreciated. For now, though, I'll just keep plodding ahead, as we all must. I'm going to put on my best dress, a big floppy bonnet, and dance around the maypole. And, um, speculate about penis piercings: "Which celebrity dad is just as rebellious as his starlet daughter? The troubled parent wears a ring through a piercing on his nether regions." [P6] A few more sunshiny spring blind items after the jump.

Hey folks. Here's the skinny: I'm not feeling so hot today. Not sure what it is, but I just feel off. And this aunt-fucking blind item, from Crazy Days and Nights, certainly doesn't help: "This male star of a really popular cable tween show calls the woman he is always with, his aunt. If it really is his aunt then, he has a very loving family. In reality, he just doesn't want all of his screaming tween fans to know that he is dating a woman in her 40's." A few more, hopefully less nauseating, items after the jump.

This week's Modern Love, the column in the NYT's Sunday Style section, bucked a trend. It's supposed to be about modern love, duh, but it's usually about adopting babies and cancer. This week, it actually was about modern (text-messaging) luv, with an essay by a young woman about her awkward flirtation with a frustratingly immature but totally cute indie-rocker boy in Brooklyn. Title of essay: "Was I On a Date or Baby Sitting?" HEY OH! "I asked my musician friends what they knew about him. Joanna, a singer, summed him up: 'He's an indie rock dreamboat. His voice is transcendent and he writes lovely lyrics. He has a nice face, he has a kid and he tours a lot. He's a star in his world.'" Oh, perfect: the conveniently unavailable guy who "goes on tour" a lot. Of course, we'd all love to know who the dude is and what band he is in. Thanks to a tipster, now we know!

It would be nice to go on a trip somewhere. Especially on this gray, rainy Monday morning. Maybe London! Though, airline tickets are expensive, especially if you're a Hollywood type who's expected to fly first class. Lord help you if you're caught in business class, lest you be the object of ridicule for two illiterate, scabies-ridden alcoholics: "This B- film actress was on a flight with her girlfriend and hid her face under her blanket the entire flight. Why? She could only afford Business Class. Not too bad except when two people from The Real World were laughing at you from First Class." [Crazy Days and Nights] Three more items after the jump.

"WHICH former ambassador (and big Democratic fund-raiser) tried to deliver a beautiful orchid to a Danish envoy at a fancy co-op on Park Avenue, only to be told by the doorman to use the service entrance? 'It's the only building with a separate entrance for servants and diplomats,' laughed a neighbor . . . WHICH hippie-chic New York socialite's family is falling apart? Her mother found out the man of the house has a fondness for bimbos, and he refuses to desist from his dalliances . . . WHICH local beauty queen went on a recent weekend-long drug binge? The young pageant winner was so wasted at a friend's apartment, she could hardly speak." [P6]

Happy Friday! What have you got planned this weekend? I haven't had a real weekend in a long while, what with pesky funerals and family visits getting in the way. But not this weekend, no sir. The whole thing is wide open. I might see a Gawker commenter tomorrow (don't worry I won't say which one!!!!!!) and that's about it. If I get bored at all, maybe I'll go do some "booger sugar" (really, Ben Widdicombe?) with this messy New York rock and or roller: "Which 'sensitive' heartthrob rocker does his best work with a snoot full of booger sugar? Girls who flock to his side at NYC clubs notice he can't go but five minutes between bathroom breaks." Sounds like fun, huh? Depressing, soulless fun. Two more items after the jump. Guess away and tell me what you're up to this weekend so I can try to avoid you! (Kidding!)