Wearing clothes is mostly good. Being yourself, also good. Our official position is: Wear what you like. Unless what you like is memecore thermals adorned with enhanced images of Big Macs and sold to you by the McDonald's corporation. McDonald's is going into fashion, and it's bad.

Traditionally, Americans only see the inside of a gym from January 2- January 15, before giving up on their New Year's resolutions. Their actual need for athletic apparel is minimal. This does not stop Americans from buying athletic apparel as fast as they can.

There are no cream-colored garments on display at the ENK Children's Club international kids' clothing exhibition when I visit the Javits Convention Center in Hell's Kitchen Tuesday morning, except in those booths whose entire stock is made up of rompers in varying shades of eggshell, ecru, and ivory.

Hello, do you wonder what is the newest fashionable thing to wear this summer? You've come to right internet site (Gawker.com). We can now EXCLUSIVELY report that, according to other reports, the following things are the "hottest" fashions, this summer.

The grand matriarch of monied, blonde WASP summertime, Lilly Pulitzer, has died at 81. The vivid-print fashion designer and Standard Oil fortune descendant shuffled off to a wine-and-cheese croquet match in the sky on Sunday, presumably after a tasteful Episcopalian service and cucumber sandwiches at the Breakers.

And you thought bringing home some bed bugs or a coat that smells like R. Kelly's sheets was your biggest thrift store concern. Turns out there are bigger demons at play, and those demons could be attaching themselves to your new garments—this confirmed by TV personality and minister Pat Robertson. He responded to this viewer's question:

As unemployment ravages the working class, our lower and higher education systems shudder in crisis, and murder decimates our forgotten urban poverty zones, Nike is rolling out its first $300+ sneaker. But mom, you don't understand—it's worth it.

As part of Gawker's ongoing effort to keep readers apprised of innovation in the underwear supplement industry (fart-neutralizing undies, penis-enhancing undies, calorie-absorbing undies, sexy period undies) may I now present Camelflage, "the original visual privacy undergarment" for eliminating camel toe with a labia-obscuring insert.

Even without waffle-iron rioting and bloody police beat-downs, the standard Black Friday shopping experience is utterly terrifying. Just watch this video featuring hundreds of shoppers storming the Urban Outfitters at Thousand Oaks Mall in California and tremble at the sight of so many people running toward the khaki fashions.

President Obama and fellow Pacific leaders didn't don any "silly shirts" — a.k.a. "festive local garb" — at last week's APEC conference in Hawaii, breaking from the conference's proud tradition of dressing powerful global leaders in clown costumes. "I got rid of the Hawaiian shirts because I looked at pictures of some of the previous APEC meetings," he explained, "and... I thought this may be a tradition that we might want to break." The War on Fun never ends with this guy. Fortunately, his hosts at his latest stop in Bali have forced him to wear a silly shirt anyway.

Kanye West, whose blood, at this point, has almost entirely been replaced with cocaine, has decided that, in addition to releasing embarrassing rap albums every year, he will design women's clothing. He debuted his first collection, Dw Kanye West, in Paris yesterday. No one was very enthusiastic.

A horde of foamy-mouthed "frugalistas" took down the website of corporate megalith Target for several hours this morning, when Italian knitwear brand Missoni launched its 400-piece "Missoni for Target" collection. I won't lie, I am not above this. I, too, visited Target.com this morning, seeking a pair of zig-zag patterened shoes I saw in the Missoni for Target lookbook. My greed for reasonably priced footwear crashed Target.com.

There's a lot to like about this very well-done promo video for a soon-to-open East London shopping, hrm, "centre" besides the fashion, much of which still looks very snappy, if not entirely accurate. Such as, for example, the music (by Tristin Norwell), and the choreography, and imagining how annoying, but also fun, it would have been to change your clothes 100 times and do the same dance every time. [via The Hairpin]

The next time you go clothes-shopping, be sure to wear your favorite opaque full-body unitard—unless you don't mind department store employees watching you while you try on outfits in the fitting rooms. The secret's in the slats, shoppers!

A 12-year-old British schoolboy who organized rally to liberate shorts made a trenchant observation yesterday. Chris Whitehead—whose "discriminatory" school uniform code permits skirts for girls but no corollary warm weather option for boys—told a reporter:

Arriving at orientation for her court-mandated community service at the Los Angeles Downtown Women's Center yesterday, Lindsay Lohan wore short shorts, a see-through shirt, and no bra. [Image via Splash]

Everyone's favorite working mother, nü-British will-o'-the-wisp Gwyneth Paltrow, has released upon the world a new issue of her GOOP newsletter, with a big section about kids clothing. What kind of garments should you buy for your growing child? $82 pajamas of course!

[Designer Thom Browne showed off his Fall/Winter 2011 collection in Paris by staging a dinner. Image via AP]

Even as marketers try to entice you to buy your loved one that diamond Lexus, they already know that Christmas spending this year will be a disappointment. The lone bright spot for America's forlorn retailers: jeggings.

Fool America once with bullshit magic "Easytone" shoes that will fail to give you a perfect ass (unlike doing squats): shame on Reebok. Fool America twice with "Easytone" clothing with ludicrous "resistance band" "toning" pseudoscience: shame on America.