• Mischa Barton didn't do so hot while filming scenes for Law & Order: SVU earlier this week. She reportedly forgot her lines repeatedly and some people suspect it's because the troubled actress has been partying a bit too hard recently. Then again, after playing a strung-out hooker on L&O, her career has nowhere to go but up, right? [NYDN]
• Publishing heiress Lydia Hearst has posed for Playboy and had a guest appearance on Gossip Girl. What's next? She's leaving NYC for Los Angeles to launch an acting career, naturally. Unfortunately, she's taking her boyfriend, spiky-haired pop rocker Ryan Cabrera, along for the ride, so she may not be getting off to the best start. [P6]
• Speaking of people who have built a career based on their willingness to take off their clothes, remember Amy Fisher? She'll be getting naked at a restaurant on Long Island this week and is setting aside a portion of the proceeds to help victims of the earthquake in Haiti. Your turn, Buttafuoco. [P6]
• John Edwards has finally come clean and admitted that he's the father of Rielle Hunter's two-year-old daughter. Better late than never? [People]

The Hoff is back: A&E has picked up a reality series starring David Hasselhoff and it's gonna be huge. What do you think the show's about? Drinking? No, unfortunately. It is about his David Hasselhoff's beautiful daughters.

• As rumored, the New York Times plans to begin charging readers to access stories on the NYT website. It will be a metered system (so only "frequent readers" will be affected), and it doesn't start until 2011. And faithful subscribers to the print edition won't be forced to pay anything extra. [NYT]
• What are the chances Conan lands at Fox? It could happen, but there are plenty of reasons why Fox might decide to back away from a deal. [WSJ]
• The news biz: Talks to bring Ted Koppel back to ABC News appear to have fallen through; Megyn Kelly is getting her own show on Fox News; and CNN has announced it's partnering with hipster mag Vice, oddly enough. [NYO]
• Condé Nast's Fairchild unit has a new chief. Gina Sanders, Lucky's publisher (and Si Newhouse's niece) will now be running the show. [WWD]
• The Sundance Film Festival kicks off in Park City, Utah tomorrow. And it's shaping up to be fest's "most important" year ever, supposedly. [NYT, WSJ]

• Gwyneth Paltrow got into a minor car crash on the icy streets of London the other day. Don't worry—she wasn't hurt fine—although she may want to reconsider that all-juice "fast" she started at the beginning of the new year. [DM]
• The little girl that Casey Johnson adopted a few years ago, Ava, will be raised by her mother and sisters, according to reps for the family. And the Tila Tequila's craziness continues. Yesterday, she emerged from her house to pose in a skanky outfit for photographers, and she continues to rant on about her "fiancée" on Twitter. Meanwhile, Johnson's former girlfriend, Courtenay Semel—who set Johnson's hair on fire a year ago—has been speaking out, as has Johnson's other former girlfriend—model Jasmine Lennard, who accused Johnson late last year of robbing her and leaving a used vibrator in her bed.
• The reason for Gary Coleman's recent hospitalization? He says he had "a little seizure activity" after he found out that the producers of a film he worked on recently had no plans to remove a full-frontal shot of him. [TMZ]
• Lindsay Lohan claimed the other day that one of her friends stole sketches of her new clothing collection. But now two different designers have come out to accuse LiLo of copying their designs. The president of LiLo's company says the claims are "false and have no merit or validity whatsoever." [People]

• Rachel Uchitel, Tiger Woods' alleged mistress, is calling the allegations that she had an affair with the golfer "dumb," "stupid," and "ridiculous," and says "it's like asking me to comment if there are aliens on earth." Worst of all, she's bummed that as a result of this whole saga some "nice, normal guy" that she might eventually settle down with is "going to have a tainted view" of her. Meanwhile, friends and former colleagues of Uchitel say the party-promoting, celebrity-wrangling widow and divorcée has been obsessed with getting close to celebrities for years, is a "drama queen" and "fire-starter," and has had numerous run-ins with her employers in the past. [NYP, NYDN]
• What's Tiger up to? He bailed out of a golf tournament in California later this week and still hasn't come out of his house. [Us, NYP]
• Troubled Johnson & Johnson heiress Casey Johnson was arrested yesterday for stealing jewelry, clothing, shoes, and even underwear from a model pal. The really disturbing part: Johnson allegedly left a wet towel and "used vibrator" at the scene of the crime as her "calling card." [NYP, TMZ]
• Tareq and Michaele Salahi, "the most infamous party crashers in the world," appeared on the Today show this morning to tell Matt Lauer they did nothing wrong. The couple claim some mystery evidence—to be released at a later date— will prove they were invited to last week's state dinner. [MSNBC]

• Tiger Woods hasn't spoken to the cops or the media since he crashed his SUV into a tree outside his Florida home on Friday morning, although he did release a statement on his website yesterday. Did the crash take place as Tiger was running away from his enraged wife? Did Tiger really have an affair with club promoter (and 9/11 widow) Rachel Uchitel? That's all up in the air at the moment, although Uchitel has already hired spotlight-loving lawyer Gloria Allred to represent her, so you can expect this story to play on for weeks to come. [NYP, TMZ, TMZ]
• The fame-seeking classy couple who crashed the state dinner last week, Michaele and Tareq Salahi, are looking for a six-figure fee to tell their story, according to TV producers. A spokesman for the couple says that's totally false. Decide for yourself who you'd like to believe. [NYT, NYP, NYDN]
• Did Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal break up? A "close friend" of the actress says yes, but the couple is denying it. [People]
• Tinsley Mortimer may have a German prince for a boyfriend and she may be traipsing around town with Constantine Maroulis, but she's still got her ex-husband, Topper, wrapped around her finger. They reportedly talk three times a day and he's offered to appear on her reality show to help boost buzz. They may even get back together "for ratings," according to a source. [P6]

• Madonna is reportedly "taking a more active role" in promoting boy toy Jesus Luz's career. She turned up to hear him spin at the Valentino party the other night, danced with "some hot fashion guys," mingled for a little, and then they left together. But that doesn't mean she's offered to do a song with him. "There are steps!" he said. "You can't just start out and collaborate with Madonna." He also says that he always plays her stuff because, you know, "It's great." [P6, NYDN]
• After Michael Lohan released a sob-filled phone call from Lindsay yesterday, she Twittered that her dad is "such a loser"; "those recordings are from years ago"; and "he needs the book for dummies on how to be a man." She also indicted she may ask her lawyer to file a restraining order against her dad and/or sue him. So, no hopes for a reconciliation just yet then? [TMZ, NYP, Us]
• Making matters worse, there is now another recording of LiLo chatting with her mother that's been released. [Radar Online]
• Mariah Carey said she'd been a victim of emotional and mental abuse on Larry King Live last night: "To really get out, it was difficult because there was a connection that was not only a marriage but a business thing, where the person was in control of my life." Tommy Mottola, anyone? [CNN, People]

Rihanna and Chris Brown continue to use domestic violence to sell things, the Hoff beats up old people, Clinton and Bush refuse to savage each other for money, Madonna may or may not be a bad girlfriend, and more!

• Lindsay Lohan is having another bad week. At the Whitney Museum of Art Gala last night, the "jelly-legged actress" had to hold on to a fence for "dear life" as she "stumbled out of the glitzy bash." But Mischa Barton was looking surprisingly put together, so that's good news, right? [Daily Mail, Sun]
• It's been a few years since Salman Rushdie and Padma Lakshmi split up, but the author is still obsessed with his ex-wife and talks about her "day and night," says Rushdie's most recent girlfriend, Broadway actress Pia Glenn. She also says Rushdie broke things off with her via email and may have been just using her for sex. [P6]
• Ali Wise, the socialite/ex-Dolce & Gabbana publicist who appeared in court yesterday on charges she hacked into a rival's phone, won't have to mount her defense until January. But there are four women now claiming Wise broke into their voicemail accounts now, not just one. [NYDN]

• Dina Lohan, America's No. 1 mom and the face of a new line of shoes, is defending Lindsay against her dad's accusation that the actress is addicted to drugs and desperately needs an intervention. ("I have no idea what he is talking about," Dina says.) She also stood up for LiLo's fashion design skills, even after her debut as Emanuel Ungaro's "artistic adviser" was savaged by the press earlier this week: "The critics can say whatever they want, but Lindsay is a genius," she said. [P6, NYDN, Radar]
• Mischa Barton reportedly "had a drink in hand all night" on the LES on Wednesday, where she was seen buying shots for Young Veins' frontman Ryan Ross. Where's Michael Lohan when you need him? [NYDN]
• Meanwhile, model Agyness Deyn is reportedly laying off the booze in solidarity with her boyfriend, Albert Hammond Jr., who is in rehab. [P6]

We're still one father-daughter pairing short of a media-certified trend, but as of this morning "celeb blurred family boundaries" is tracking on the Hollywood horrors power rankings chart with a big up arrow.

• Friends worry Jessica Simpson is "at the lowest point of her life" now that she's lost her beloved dog, Daisy. Others say she's coping "better than her friends may realize." Either way, we she's probably feeling much better now that her friends are sharing her innermost feelings with the tabloids. [People]
• The man suspected of breaking into Lindsay Lohan's house wasn't a complete stranger: The two reportedly hung out on the set of her film Labor Pains last year. The girl's not the best judge of character, as you've probably realized by now. [TMZ]
• The drugs that were prescribed to Anna Nicole Smith amounted to "pharmaceutical suicide," according to newly unsealed court documents that were obtained by the LA Times. Most disturbing: The documents also reveal that both of Anna Nicole's doctors "transgressed professional boundaries by having sexual contact with their famous patient." [LAT]
• Michelle Obama gave Barack the silent treatment at points during his campaign for president because she was pissed about all the women throwing themselves at him, according to a new book. There was even a hot young campaign aide who was mysteriously "relocated" after developing a close relationship with the President. [NYDN, P6]
• Did you catch President Obama's appearance on Letterman last night? [MTV]

Will Jessica Simpson survive her dog's death? Did Anna Wintour survive sitting next to Pixie Geldof? Did Lindsay know her burglar? Did Anna Nicole's doctors know pills would kill her? Get some answers in your Tuesday morning gossip roundup!

• 30 Rock and Mad Men took home Emmys last night for outstanding comedy series and outstanding drama series, respectively. (Surprise, surprise.) Alec Baldwin won for outstanding actor in a comedy series; Breaking Bad's Bryan Cranston won for outstanding actor in a drama series; Glenn Close won for best actress in a drama series for Damages; and The United States of Tara's Toni Collette took home the award for best actress in a comedy series. Other winners included Lost's Michael Emerson, 24's Cherry Jones, Grey Gardens' Jessica Lange, Pushing Daisies' Kristin Chenoweth, and Two and a Half Men's Jon Cryer. The catchphrase of the night was "pulling a Kanye," naturally. [People, Us]
• Mischa Barton just isn't a morning person... or perhaps she's having dental issues again. A source from her CW show, The Beautiful Life, says she's often so out of it in the mornings that she holds up filming, and she'll stare into her coffee for minutes on end, mumbling, "Who will fix my coffee? I need someone to fix my coffee." [P6]
• Courtney Love lost it when a bathroom intruder caught her with her pants down at the T magazine party at the Standard the other night. Love supposedly screamed that the man had attacked her and tried to have him ejected. "I never wanted to see Courtney Love on the toilet," says the unlucky guy. "It wasn't a pretty sight. I just wanted to get out of there." [P6]

Courtney Love may or may not have been spotted peeing. Mischa Barton may or may not live in reality. And David Hasselhoff definitely got drunk. Welcome to your Monday morning Gossip Roundup!

[David Hasselhoff carries a gift down the street on his way to his daughter's birthday party in L.A. yesterday. Image via INF]

Oooo, Fox & Friends has a lil' crush! On Lt./Capt. Mitch Buchannon himself, David Hasselhoff. See the Hoff was on The View recently and said Barack Obama was boring! A doozy! Now Doocy, Bri-Bri, and Random Girl just love him.

Jimmy Fallon and wife Nancy Juvonen walking downtown and holding hands ... Marla Maples and Tiffany Trump waiting for their luggage at JFK ... Susan Sarandon walking by herself ... David Hasselhoff leaving ABC Studios ... Justin Long on the set of Going the Distance in the Bronx ...Whitney Houston arriving at LaGuardia ... Larry King's wife, Shawn Southwick, getting out of an SUV on the Upper East Side ... Jennifer Aniston shooting scenes for her new movie at Blue Ink Tattoo Parlor in Brooklyn ...and Katherine Heigl getting out of an SUV in front of her hotel.

Super-publicist Peggy Siegal is turning 62 today. David Hasselhoff turns 57. Donald Sutherland is 74. Producer Mark Burnett is 49. Phyllis Diller is 92. Defense attorney Peter Neufeld is turning turns 59. Linda Gibbs, the Deputy Mayor of Health and Human Services, is turning 50 today. Comedian Beth Littleford is 41. View producer Bill Geddie is turning 54. Lucie Arnaz, the daughter of Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz, is 58. Author and blogger Cory Doctorow is 38. And old-time TV host Art Linkletter turns 97 today. A list of people with birthdays this weekend—including Chace Crawford, Ian Schrager, and Steve Forbes—is below.

Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler are probably boning, Mischa Barton has a serious "medical issue," Jon Gosselin's new lady is a walking white-trash stereotype, The Hoff parties with Lady Gaga, Madonna has "bingo wings" and Robert Redford gets married.