PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and tell everyone about the time you noticed Faye Dunaway meditating between screenings at the Sunset 5.
Our country's talent pool, it seems, has been so thoroughly drained by the approximately three-dozen Idol-style competitions currently clogging network summer schedules that the best America's Got Talent can book is a man whose gift is to hurtle himself headlong through a pile of folding chairs.
Hollywood has always provided a fertile feeding ground for scam artists like David William Port, a Kansas City resident who bilked hundreds of thousands of dollars from gullible investors convinced they could grow their nest eggs by hitching them to the enduring bankability of Pamela Anderson prancing down the Malibu shore in a physics-defying one-piece bathing suit. From the Reuters report:
PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and tell everyone about the time you ogled Brian Grazer's rippling physique at a Greek restaurant in Malibu.
One happy byproduct of John Stamos's recent Australian escapades—including an unhinged morning show visit in which the actor waxed incoherently about the size of a journalist's genitalia and Princess Diana's death—is that the ER star's deformed belly button has ceased to be the most interesting about him. Still, the series of discombobulated media appearances Down Under seem to have done more bad than good for Stamos's profile, and now the actor wants everyone to know that the real culprit was just some prescription sleep-aids. From TVGuide.com:
New York Times Theorist of Celebrity Caryn James needs just 39 words today to authoritatively defeat our vulgarian fascination with the likes of the David Hasselhoff daughter-abuse videotape and the Alec Baldwin daughter-abuse audiotape. "These new leaks simply draw all of us into family battles where we don't belong," reasons a firm but feisty Ms. James. "Beyond the humane idea that some things really should remain private, even for fame-mongers, these leaks have an insidious snowball effect on the culture." Fortunately, for reasons of context, James precedes her renunciative 39 words with 477 drawing us into the Hasselhoff and Baldwin battles, and follows them with 504 more regarding these two things which "really should remain private." You know, just to confirm exactly what we should not be caring about.
PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so if lady luck should happen to gift you with one, don't squander it: Write it up and send it in! Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and tell everyone about the time you spotted David Hasselhoff working off a cheeseburger at your gym.
· The man who gave us Jar Jar Binks (and who glued two hair-danishes to Carrie Fisher's head and gave Hayden Christensen a career) knows a "silly" movie when he sees one.
· We're stunned that yesterday's Hasselhoff parody video is placing a weak eighth on the Hoff Viral Video charts. And this mash-up is still too new to chart, but we think it's a comer.
· Rub a 20-year-old lamp and a studio genie will bring you $1.6 million.
· Hamas decides there's a better way to call for an Islamist liberation of Jerusalem than through a Militant Mickey Mouse character.
· Please pardon us for a minute, but: OMG OMG! Cameron TOTALLY KISSED JUSTIN! OMGOMGgonnadie! There, now that's out of our system.
It's time for another excerpt from Don't Hassel the Hoff (St. Martin's Press, May 15), the autobiography of one of the world's most loved entertainers. In this installment, a career setback (News To Me, a sitcom co-starring the Hoff about the life of Joel Fucking Stein, was cancelled before it got out of the gate) sends David spiraling back into the arms of sweet, sweet alcohol, with results that seem eerily resonant given recent developments in the author's life.
· Even more than the original that inspired it, we blame this video for the loss of David Hasselhoff's visitation rights.
· Also pretty disturbing: This photo of Cate Blanchett.
· Nearly as unappetizing: the French Spider-Man cheeseburger.
· And don't even go there, sez Chloe!
· Now that you mention it: What's up with the ball-gag?
Yesterday, Gawker revealed that Buck "Hoyt" Kent, 64, was becoming its second Ombudsman. Kent won a Webby in 2003 for his coverage of that weird smell at the A/C/E station on 34th Street, and until recently was the rape-and-murder cartographer for Gothamist. He was one of the first bloggers to question the stories about Tom Cruise buying an apartment in the Dakota, stories that we still maintain are true. Or true-ish. He spoke with Chick's Clothes Occasionally reporter Jake Woodward.
While Extra seems to have been first to e-press with the story of David Hasselhoff's self-produced "cry for help" documentary, we've been informed that the actual video of the actor's darkest moments is exclusive to rival Entertainment Tonight, which has quickly posted the above teaser-trailer to alleviate any confusion over the footage with which ET will ruin millions of family dinners. We can only hope that this ugly custody dispute doesn't hamper the troubled Hasselhoff's attempts at putting his life back together through the redemptive power of syndicated TV programming.
[UPDATE: It seems that no one has the exclusive on the video. More on this confusing nonsense here.] A frenzied series of press releases arriving in our inbox this morning have alerted us to Extra's latest "get," a "cry for help" video in which "a shirtless and extremely intoxicated" David Hasselhoff "sits on the floor of a Las Vegas hotel room so out of it that he is unable to feed himself a hamburger," footage reportedly commissioned by Hasselhoff so that he could see what he looks like when he's too drunk to enjoy a room service snack, a rock-bottom moment in any celebrity addict's life.
The WOW Report brings us these photos of—amazingly!—not David Hasselhoff, but a doppelganger from Belfast, currently seeking representation as a lookalike available for local appearances. The above photos—again, we feel the need to remind you that they are not actually of David Hasselhoff—were accompanied by the following cover note:
PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are now posted several times a week (well, most weeks)—so send them in like your lives depended on it. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let the world know about the time a Borat screening at the Grove afforded you a front row seat to a "before and after" David Hasselhoff experience.
• David Hasselhoff is just exhausted, so much so that he fell asleep during a televised interview. He says he hadn't been drinking, just popping ludes. [AHN]
• Bobby Brown faces arrest after failing to pay child support to the mother of his first child. Considering his gravy train just filed for divorce from him and he's asking for cars instead of appearance fees, we're thinking that cash isn't going to be showing up anytime soon. [Reuters]
• The Chinese can be relied upon for two things: food and spit. Regarding the latter, Animal magazine is looking for your spitting-Asian pictures, presumably for some sort of expose of the saliva-flecked streets of lower Manhattan. [Craigslist]
• After finally agreeing to count cab drivers, New York's population is revised upwards to 8.2 million. [Crain's]
• The U.S. finds a new method of torture: having detainees at Guatanamo eat 4,200 calories per day. [AP]
• After all that crazy Jew-starving, what's better than a cookie and a Frappucino? [AOPJLH]
• Chevrolet is SO FUCKING AMERICAN. And Stephen Colbert, don't steal that line. [Jalopnik]
• Know your downtown hotels and avoid them. [HotelChatter]
• Wait — bloggers aren't above the law? Crap. [USA Today]
• Jason Calacanis unfamiliar with common male desires, libido, and/or heterosexuality. [Valleywag]
The plot thickens! Or at least gets marginally more tawdry. The alleged suicide attempt by David Hasselhoff's 14-year-old daughter Haley may have been just a misappropriated act of micro-violence. Specifically, Hasselhoff's estranged ex Pamela Bach claims that the cut Haley received was just the result of a cat scratch, an incident that Hasselhoff is attempting to manipulate from molehill to mountain by making the phony suicide call. Hasselhoff disagrees, claiming he didn't mention suicide on the call, "but his publicist says the 911 operator may have interpreted it that way." Perhaps the animal was merely attempting an assisted suicide, which is nevertheless still illegal, even for a cat. David has always struck us as more of a wrinkly dog man, anyway.
