Hi! We're back! We apologize for yesterday's abbreviated delivery of the nonsense that at least three wage-slaves in the William Morris mailroom have come to know and tolerate, but there are these magical boxes called "servers" that forgot to snort their web-powering unicorn dust and instead took a long afternoon nap. There are some lingering problems affecting the entire Gawker Misfit Empire, and constantly-wedgied brother site Gizmodo explains them here. (Is he even writing in English?) For those of you who are trying to see Gawker, try this link.

That little-known paper NY Sun (no, it's not the free one you get at the subway) has been asking around about whether Gawker is "pulling punches." Our informants say Eric Wolff, the poor reporter with this assignment, is pushing an amusing thesis: Gawker's gone so corporate that I don't even work from the "blogger's couch." Let's be clear: I work from an Ikea chair. I aspire to own a couch, once I have an apartment large enough to hold one.

Sightings are sent in by readers; send yours to tips@gawker.com.

Here at Defamer, we scoff at the idea of taking a three-day weekend to observe Columbus Day. Instead, here are your weekend box office numbers.

Friday
1. McSweeney's/Believer contributors Stephen Elliot and Josh Bearman (also of the L.A. Weekly) will be at Skylight Books' debate-watching party and discuss Elliot's book Looking Forward To It after the forensic carnage. Also: They promise some cheap beer!
2. Watch the Dodgers cling to their fleeting hopes in their game against the mashing Cardinals. If you don't manage to scalp a ticket, you can always skulk down the hill to the Short Stop and watch the game.
3. Ray Charles channeler Jamie Foxx hosts the tribute “Genius: A Tribute to Ray Charles," featuring appearances by just about every musician that's played with, been inspired by, or pretended to be influenced by the legendary musician at Staples Center.
Saturday
4. Show up, sit down, and drop acid at the Psychedelic Picnic at Hollywood Forever Cemetery. But don't blame us if you spent the next eight hours thinking Rudolph Valentino's zombie is trying to eat your popcorn.
5. The mellow, sexually-suggestive sounds of Norah Jones float around the Hollywood Bowl; Hilary Duff's boyfriend's band, Good Charlotte, is totally doing an obligatory Tower Sunset in-store performance.
Sunday
6. Join porn stars and the people that pay to wander among them and paw neoprene replicas of their naughty parts at Adultcon in the L.A. Convention Center. We're sure Fleshbot will have coverage on Monday if you don't make it out.

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1. Watch Round Two of Bill O'Reilly Vs. Jon Stewart and His Audience of Dope-Smoking Burnouts as Fox's favorite blowhard visits The Daily Show. Doesn't really sound like much of a contest, does it?
2. A grown up Hanson perform at the House of Blues. Try not to lose your shit when you realize how old they look, or when you notice that the little girl that played the drums is now a teenage boy. Also, The Dwarves are at the Troubadour, and Supergrass hit Avalon.
3. Leave the office right now and be the first at Silverlake Wine's Thursday Night Flights when it start at 5pm, because it's never too early to get started on your Friday hangover.

Welcome to the first edition of our weekly advice column with your host Choire Sicha, retired and bedraggled former Gawker editor. From this week's mailbag:

—Now that Leno's announced he's stepping down in five years, Letterman applies the long-awaited bitchslaps. Jeez, still a little bitter about never getting the Tonight Show, Dave?
—Natalie Portman stumps for Kerry in Milwaukee, No, we're not going to say anything snarky about her.
—Actress Sienna Guillory holds forth on Kate Beckinsale's chest: "Now I've heard she's got a clause in her contract saying that she can't be filmed bending over at more than a 45-degree angle because her boob implants slide up onto her collar bone." Naturally, Beckinsale's publicist denies the implants. Possible translation: a) Beckinsale has huge implants, or b) the contract actually stipulates a 35-degree angle.
—We're officially serving notice that anyone trick-or-treating in a Santa Claus costume may get punched in the mouth. And not in a sexual way. [via LA.comfidential]

1. Pray that professional Insomniac drunk-harasser Dave Attell stays away from your table so you don't have to stumble through your slurred comebacks, as he joins "comedy band" That's My Daughter at the Improv's Late Night Lounge.
2. Try and forget that Billy Crudup ditched Mary-Louise Parker for co-star Claire Danes as you take in a sneak preview screening of Stage Beauty at the Egyptian. We're forgetting right now. It's easy to be distracted once you see what an admittedly ugly woman he makes.
3. Indulge your Anglophilie and groupie tendencies all at once, as Jamie Cullum, self-taught British pianist/singer/songwriter performs at the House Blues.
4. Glue yourself to the couch and resist any attempt at being moved until the baseball playoffs are over. The two most popular teams with locals, the Angels and Yankees, are both in action. Just kidding, Angels fans! Everyone knows the Dodgers are more popular in years they make the playoffs.

We guess it's not really an official "crash" if we threw the party, but we got sloppy on the free champagne and vodka like we didn't belong there anyhow. Monday night was the launch of Gawker Media's latest boyish ventures, Jalopnik, Screenhead, and Kotaku at the Audi showroom on Park Avenue. So fucking classy, we know, but rest assured, we did our best to mess the place up a bit. And for the record, there's nothing quite so odd as walking into a car dealership and being hit with the smell of booze and internerds. Staff photographer Eliot Shepard documents the fray.

Sightings are sent in by our lovely readers; send yours to tips@gawker.com.

1. The Groundlings, boot camp to virtually every comedian in history (OK, we're slightly exaggerating) celebrate their 30th anniversary with a gala at the Henry Fonda. The whole world is going to be there, yet no one invited us! Typical.
2. We swear we're not getting Tower Records payola, we merely feel a responsibility to let you know that William Shatner is signing copies of his bizarre new CD, Has Been, tonight at Tower on Sunset Boulevard.
3. Tonight's Concerts for Change at Largo has David Cross, Greg Behrendt and Aisha Tyler, but the main event is the first L.A. screening of David O. Russell's Iraq war documentary, Soldiers Pay. Looks like only standing room tickets are available, so cram up against the bar and check it out.

Hollywood PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are sent in by our readers. Send yours to tips@defamer.com and let your favorite pop star know that she looks a little busted without all that make-up caked on.

—Think you can tell the difference between the CBS dramas? TVGasm's quiz asks you to prove it. Come on, there's not really a show called NCIS. Stop jerking our chain, Moonves.
—Behind Ben Affleck's sarcastic SNL monologue is some genuine hurt. Hug it out, bitch.
—Thank God that Richard Gere is sharing his thoughts on Taiwenese politics. Otherwise we'd have to think about how badly Shall We Dance? is going to bomb.
—LAist/WFME's Paul Davidson eviscerates Hilary Duff's running style. Really, Paul, what did she ever do to you?
—What Court Papers Would Jesus File? Don't ask Mel Gibson to pray with you, or you could wind up on the wrong side of a restraining order.
—Anthony Kiedis busted his chili pepper with his dad's girlfriend. There's nothing at all creepy about that.

1. It's a well-established fact that we love free shows. Tonight, you can see Snow Patrol at Tower Records on Sunset at 7 p.m., then immediately hop in your car and head east to Spaceland, where Bloc Party won't begin until 9 p.m. at the earliest. Yes, this is an incredibly ambitious plan, but sometimes being cheap takes great motivation.
2. See a special sneak preview of The Hillside Strangler, the true story of a team of serial killers that wreaked havoc in Los Angeles in the late '70’s, at the Egyptian. Cast and crew members will hang around for a discussion; hopefully star C. Thomas "Pony Boy/Side Out/Soul Man" Howell won't bail before the Q&A.
3. Watch agents and managers troll for talent at the USC School of Cinema-Television's First Look Film Festival at the DGA, which gives "an advanced look at the next generation of filmmakers." But get there as early as possible, before the talent-hungry reps fill their pockets with whatever finger foods are provided and slip out the door.

Sightings are sent in by readers; send yours to tips@gawker.com.

In an attempt to ensure that no one ever, ever gets any work done while they're on the clock, Gawker Media (the "empire" that sends us a monthly stipend of Ramen noodles and Cossack vodka in exchange for sitting around in our underwear all day) launches three new, testosterone-centered titles. The new kids: Jalopnik, a blog so obsessed with cars you can inspect its "gear shift knob" for tailpipe burns; Kotaku, a blog for the bleary-eyed, fatigue-thumbed video-gamer; Screenhead, a blog repository of the web's best "funny shit." Check out our new writers as they post their hearts out, pretending to shrug off the lashes from Brobdingnagian blog impresario Nick Denton's cat o' nine tails. Don't worry, guys—you won't even feel the wounds once they scab over.

Our mothership reports that today marks the launch of three new manly blogs: Jalopnik, a site devoted to cars; Kotaku, for the video-game obsessed; and Screenhead, which sorts out the best of the "funny shit" on the web. Stoners and frat boys unite!
Gawker's Testosterone Trio [Nick Denton]