There's nothing that gets us hotter than running a completely unconfirmed rumor. Our spy, off visiting a family member in rehab this past weekend, has a sighting of movie hunk Brad Pitt at the classic Caron Foundation in picturesque Wernersville, Pennsylvania. Of course, you junkies all know that the Caron Foundation is strictly for treating addiction, right? Ergo, BRAD PITT MAY OR MAY NOT BE ADDICTED TO SOMETHING. Ah, but for what? Copious smot-poking? Codependency? His own reflection? At any rate, he's definitely been out of the public eye for a few weeks and we're wondering if perhaps he just might be taking an Versace-style vacation. No doubt we'll end up there soon enough ourselves, at which point we'll gladly report back for accuracy.

The New York Post has its Hamptons wrap-up in full effect and, in a bid to relive those horrendous high school yearbook mock awards, they've decided to hand out Hampties Summer Awards. At least the concept allows for a great little rundown of the summer's absurdities out on eastern Long Island. Our personal favorite: the Hamptons Tantrum On Boyfriend Award, which goes to heiress Ivanka Trump, who bitch-slapped her boyfriend Bingo Gubelmann outside the Stephen Talkhouse. Paris Hilton also gets awarded in the same category for her spat with then-beau Nick Carter, but not even Paris can outshine a violence towards man named Bingo.
What You Did This Summer [NYP]

· Rick Rubin divulges to Vanity Fair the bizarre Christian rituals he performed with the late Johnny Cash. Highlights include the grape juice communion, which Rubin claims to still share with Cash in the afterlife. Wouldn't the "99 Problems" video have been all the more awesome if Jay-Z had opted for some footage of this? [Page Six]
· Best fake fight ever: Paris Hilton snubs Victoria Gotti's son. Lizzie Grubman plays peacemaker. And now we're taking crazy pills. [NYDN]
· PR flack Nadine Johnson regularly reads her employees' emails and has blocked their computers from accessing online accounts such as hotmail. She might want to lay off the weed — paranoia is so unbecoming on a PR princess. [NYDN (2nd item)]
· Former Brady Bunch mom Florence Henderson licks a hot dog likes it. She insists, however, that her hotness is reserved for the hot dog and not costar huckster Jackie Martling. Okay, we barely understand this item, but we wanted to mention Florence Henderson fellating a hot dog. [Page Six]
· Sopranos star James Gandolfini is involved in a drunk-driving collision. The story becomes less interesting upon learning Gandolfini was not the intoxicated party. Is everyone sober now? WTF? [IOL]

· Scarlett Johansson hooks up with Frederick Windsor, son of Princess Michael of Kent. Frederick's mum was the doll who suggested that African-Americans at Da Silvano "remember the colonies." We're pretty sure Scarlett is white enough for this woman. [NYDN]
· Oh, those crazy Gotti boys. Always throwing bowling balls at cameramen. [Page Six]
· Cipriani's makes you do the funniest things: Republican senator John McCain says John Kerry would be a fine president. [NYDN - Gatecrasher]
· Model Of Destruction Naomi Campbell does the lawyer hop, taking John Rosenberg off of her maid-beating case and replacing him with Marty Singer. No word on whether Rosenberg's removal was violent, but we have our suspicions. [Page Six]

We've examined socialite Paris Hilton's sasquatchian feet, but photographic evidence suggests that the more pressing issue is her gargantuam hands. Gawker's resident doctors have diagnosed Paris with acromegaly, a condition in which excess growth hormones result in freakishly large extremities. No word on whether she caught this tragic disorder from pornography partner Rick Salomon.

· "Fat" Olsen twin Ashley has been linked to Butter restaurant co-owner Scott Sartiano. Ick factor: she's 18, he's 30. Even ickier: They were introduced by John Stamos. Nothing like pimping out your fresh meat from your glory days on Full House, eh? [Page Six]
· The Bush twins check out trash-rocker Kid Rock at the Avalon but, surprisingly enough, can't get the crowd to chant "four more years" with them. Kid Rock admirably ignored their presence throughout the entire concert. [NYDN]
· Foxy Brown's reign of terror continues, as a Barney's staffer reports the rapper called her a "stupid bitch" when the store didn't have Foxy's size. Wouldn't it be awesome to see her and violent model Naomi Campbell go head to head? [Page Six]
· A brewery has coined Material Girl Ale, just in case the Kabbalah water isn't helping you get your buzz on. [The Sun UK]

We have no clue who runs the UK gossip email list Popbitch, but we pretty much love him or her forever. This week's edition has "How To Make A Versace Salad" as the top story and we just about died:

· More on Tuesday's combat between Page Six's Chris Wilson and the Daily News' Hudson Morgan: Wilson maybe spit whiskey at Morgan, as opposed to his own diluted saliva. Any other developments? Oh, just that we covered this yesterday. Way to go, WaPo. [Reliable Source (last item)]
· P. Diddy's Citizen Change campaign, designed to thuggishly motivate the young vote, seems to be making little or no money. One source claimed that not even Ben Affleck would go near P. Diddy during the DNC. We're learning that, in politics, if you can't even get Affleck on your side, you're nothing. [Page Six]
· Jermaine Dupri, midget manager and fiancé of nipplelicious Janet Jackson, talks about his lady and her wardrobe malfunction. Too bad he's coming to her defense 8 months too late. [Scoop]
· If you saw Jenna and Barbara Bush's monologue to introduce their parents on Tuesday, we're sorry. Even advisor Karl Rove hated it. [NYDN]

· Rapper Foxy Brown pulls a Naomi Campbell, allegedly hitting a manicurist in the face with her cell phone during a dispute over a $35 payment. This from a woman who's dripping in diamonds to the point that she pees bling. [Page Six]
· ABC News' Brian Ross is sending attractive women with hidden cameras to sneak into Republican National Convention parties to document GOP bigwigs living large. Thanks to them, we have some amazing Lynyrd Skynyrd footage. [NYDN]
· Alec Baldwin puts the smack down on his younger brother Stephen for his involvement with the Republicans, warning that the politicians will use the youngest Baldwin and ultimately "throw [him] in the wastebasket" when they're through. Well, as long as someone's disposing of him. [Page Six]
· God help us all: Farrah Fawcett is spotted with cameras following her around and handlers claim it's for a reality television show. Does the demand for retarded reality-tv blondes merit this sort of madness? [Scoop (last item)]

· You can always count on Star to go above and beyond the call of duty. Staffers were reportedly present at a Video Music Awards party and offering patrons $20 to go spy on the Olsen twins, who were holed up in the "powder room." Yeah, we bet it was a powder room. Bonnie Fuller, you best not miss the boat on this one. [Page Six]
· Madonna realizes that perhaps she should ask the Kabbalah crew how, exactly, they're spending her donated millions. Brilliant — this religion is going to be over, like, tomorrow. [The Sun UK]
· Now that hotel heiress Paris Hilton is doing professional nobody Simon Rex, Simon's ex-girlfriend Nicole Lenz has taken up with Paris' ex-boyfriend and former director Rick Salomon. This socialite group is like a big, incestuous high school with more money and, we bet, more herpes. [Page Six]
· Gubernatorial spawn Emily Pataki, who's covering the convention for television show "Extra," gets a camera in first daughter Jenna Bush's face at the "R" party on Sunday. After Jenna uncomfortably submitted to the questions, she went inside and did what any Bush twin would do: pounded some beers. [NYDN]
· And yet more from the VMAs: a crew member from Usher's yacht dies on a late-night dive, P. Diddy's party opens to the public and things go to shit, and Paris Hilton makes out with Christina Aguilera. Okay, I'm certain I'm the only one who hasn't been with Hilton at this point. [Page Six]

· The reports from Miami's MTV Video Music Awards social scene are disturbing: simpleton socialite Paris Hilton is pairing off with former MTV VJ Simon Rex? Are his handlers paying her handlers? So confused. At least he has pornography experience. Oh, not random enough for you? How about director Spike Jonze and the Yeah Yeah Yeah's lead singer Karen O? [NYP-ELK]
· Speaking of last night's VMAs, the Britney wedding rumors false. Exhale. On the other hand, the show was so fantastically boring that it could have used a dash of inappropriate espousal. Or a lesbian kiss. Anything, really.
· The lack of A-list celebs at the convention got you down? Have no fear, Stephen Fucking Baldwin is here. [Page Six]
· Nicky Hilton's hubby, Todd Meister, doesn't like her friends. Is it because he's 10 years older than all of them, or because he's afraid of spontaneous acts of violence from friend Bijou Phillips? [NYP-ELK]
· Waning "it" boy Fabian Basabe sets up camp in South Beach, far away from the Bush twins. You can find him asserting his masculinity with $250 face peels. [NYDN-Gatecrasher (4th item)]

Oh, forget those silly protests: the MTV Video Music Awards have cast a shadow over our Sunday, ensuring that tonight will be spent throwing our drinks at images of screaming tweens and red-carpet arrivals. We'd be seriously remiss if we didn't point out a flurry of chatter surrounding the show's surprises, none more important than the life-altering news that Britney Spears and Kevin Federline may enter into matrimonial trailer-park bliss on stage tonight.

It's Friday, so you'll know we'll post just about anything. Today, it's a fine little 'blog we've come across belonging to some lovely girl claiming to be lead Stroke Julian Casablancas' love-receptacle. We find this website a little hard to believe (and we still haven't verified earlier rumors of a breakup between Julian and his fiance, Juliet Joslin), but true or not, it's pretty damn funny:

· Clash of the titans: actress/singer Jennifer Lopez and Vogue editrix Anna Wintour scuffle over who's to do J.Lo's makeup for the January cover. Anna may be tiny, but her frigid touch totally tamed J.Lo on this one. [NYDN (2nd item)]
· We know you can't enough of former Access Hollywood grinning head Pat O'Brien, right? While Patty has moved on to host the upcoming The Insider (same kind of show, different title), he's still stuck in his '60s glory days and reuniting with his old garage band for five shows. Um, rock. [Page Six]
· Alexandra and Vanessa Kerry, daughters of some presidential candidate or something, have cancelled their RSVPs to the parties surrounding MTV's Video Music Awards because the events will be too much of a swagfest. The sisters have been instructed not to stock up on the free stuff until after the election — as if free Louboutin pumps would make a difference to these girls. [Page Six]

It took an extreme case of willpower to avoid Rothko last night and not check out director Vincent Gallo's double-header performance, but ultimately we didn't want to completely die on the inside before the weekend even hits. Apparently, we didn't miss much — we were only interested in seeing some forced fellating, but this was a musical show. Gawker special correspondent Karen didn't pay attention to the music anyhow, but she did endure bright red lights and more Brown Bunny imagery than she needed.

· A friend of socialtart Paris Hilton reports that the trollopy twit didn't actually lose her teacup chihuahua, Tinkerbell. Rather, Paris just dropped the dog off at her grandparents' and forgot about it. Unfortunately, this doesn't surprise us in the least. [Page Six]
· Sunday's MTV Video Music Awards will feature celebs rolling up to the red carpet in yachts, thus sparking competition between the stars over the size of their boats. We know celebs are all size queens, but this is a little much. [NYDN]
· As we descend further into the modern inferno, designer (we're using that word so loosely) Tommy Hilfiger has signed on with CBS as the star of a new reality show. Daughter Ally's post MTV-reality stint in rehab whetted his appetite, apparently. [Page Six]
· Scarlett Johansson likes older men, obviously, but she considers John Travolta the perfect potential mate. Um, does someone want to clue her in? [IOL]

Due to internet troubles hither and yonder, I'm currently working from a tin can in Queens. Just so you know.

· First lady Laura Bush refuses to appear alongside hip-hop mogul P. Diddy for a photo-op at the opening of a slavery museum in Cincinnati; P. Diddy, somewhat rightly, pulls out of the appearance altogether. Perhaps Mrs. Bush was hesitant because she thought Puffy would steal some of her pharmaceutical stash. [NYDN]
· Can someone please, for the love of all that is humane, tell us that the sighting of barely-legal actress Lindsay Lohan and her man-toy Wilmer Valderrama buying promise rings is untrue? Please? [Page Six]
· Oscar-winning alcoholic (or Australian) Russell Crowe gets into another bar fight and starts biting. We hadn't heard much from him in a while, but now we know it's all business as usual. [The Scoop]
· Jersey's Knickerbocker Country Club gets in a tizzy when the ladies from "The Apprentice" show up and dare utter the word, "fuck." Oh, pity. [Page Six]

Vincent Gallo cannot be stopped. Try as we might to look away, his PR machine is a formidable force to be reckoned with. The product, however, often resembles some sort of nasty car wreck — but we just can't look away. HX, the party paper for The Gays, leaves us with some Gallo imagery to be forever burned in our tender neocortices:

· When models aren't dating rockers, they date the princes of very small little countries. Victoria's Secret model Adriana Lima, best known for doing Lenny Kravitz, is reportedly an item with Prince Wence of Liechtenstein. Prince or not, can't a Brazilian supermodel do better than Liechtenstein? [Page Six]
· Actor Nic Cage's ex-wife was so upset when she found out about his engagement to Alice Kim that she reportedly racked up close to $100K on his tab during her trip to Hawaii. Hell hath no fury like an ex-wife with plastic. [NYDN (2nd item)]
· Best comeback of the week: after his stunning performance on reality freakfest The Surreal Life, 80s rap icon Flava Flav is reportedly in talks for his own music show. [NYDN - Gatecrasher]
· Actress Julia Roberts is getting really, really fat. Er, pregnant. Whatever. [NYDN]