Due to popular demand, we present you with the latest episode in World of Wonder's series of transcribed phone calls between convicted club kid killer Michael Alig and his man on the outside, James St. James. This week's educational installment delves into the unsanitary world of blow jobs and food service. Yum.
Now that Tinkerbell, Paris Hilton's feral chihuahua, has been safely returned to the socialite's skanky arms, we can all sleep a little more soundly at night. Clearly it's time to embrace the entrepreneurial spirit surrounding the incident! Why not track down one of those stylish "Lost Chihuahua" posters and slap it up on eBay? For a mere $45 (at the time of this post), you can have a piece of Paris' phenomenal writing skills: "Please help this dog is like a child to me."
· Looking for a way to pay remembrance to late funk singer Rick James? Why not blow marijuana smoke or cocaine at a picture of him? Yeah, sure, the coke is pricey and it might seem a little wasteful, but Rick would've wanted it that way. [NYDN]
· Despite buying up 90 photos of their shotgun nuptials, newlyweds Nicky Hilton and Todd Meister claim that the hideous photo on the cover of People was a leak. Gosh, I can't imagine why they wouldn't want Nicky's beautiful veil to be publicized. [Page Six]
· None too surprisingly, several guests at the premiere of Vincent Gallo's tour de fellatio, Brown Bunny, are spotted falling asleep — but not during the, uh, important part. Everyone was awake to snicker during that scene. [Page Six]
· Rapper and possible felon Lil' Kim takes a moment to stop prattling on about her new line of watches to reflect on her "fun" breast implants, which sometimes hurt her back. [Page Six]
People magazine has scored photographs from socialite Nicky Hilton's plebeian Vegas nuptials and, surprise, sister Paris is performing her signature Face At Just The Right Angle So You Don't Notice My Wonky Eye pose. Classic! Also classic? The revelation that new hubby Todd Meister has known Nicky since she was 15 — strictly in the biblical sense, we're sure.
Nicky Hilton Photos Unveiled [USA Today]
We've been wringing our hands with nervousness over the fate of Tinkerbell, Paris Hilton's ratty little lost chihuahua. Thank goodness for the breaking news journos over at Pulitzer powerhouse "Extra," who've informed us of the exciting new developments in the Tinkerbell case: THE DOG IS ALIVE. NEW NICKY HILTON HUSBAND TODD MEISTER DID NOT EAT THE DOG.
· Socialite Paris Hilton's teacup chihuahua Tinkerbell has been missing for at least a week now, and she's upped her reward for the dog's safe return to $5,000. We'll happily tell Paris what we know free of charge: the damn dog is likely crushed to death at the bottom of her over-stuffed Birkin bag. [NYDN]
· Did Kimora Lee Simmons screw over a "ghost designer" on her Baby Phat line of clothing? Kimora has said that she designed the entire line herself, but former employee A'lone Alakazia is claiming that he was promised designing credit and 8% of profits from the collection, which he worked 18 hours a day to design. While making a little cash would be nice, we'd think Alakazia would be happy to keep his name unassociated with Baby Phat's bedazzled sweatsuits. [NYDN (2nd item)]
· A run-down of Vincent Gallo's Brown Bunny premiere babble reveals his belief that Chloë Sevigny has weird hair and used to dress "techno." We're almost starting to feel sorry for her by Gallo-association. [NYT]
· The Britney Spears debacle continues: Brit and ratty fiancé Kevin Federline are in talks to star in MTV's next season of Newlyweds. The potential white trash havoc could far surpass anything lil' Jessica Simpson ever mustered. [Page Six]
· Christina Aguilera de-skanks herself and removes eleven piercings from her body. The one surviving piece of body jewelry? A lone nipple ring, of course. That one's for the kids. [Page Six]
· More from Naomi Campbell's SlapGate: victimized model-maid Millicent Burton has been handed a criminal complaint for allegedly using a fake social security card at the DMV. Um, okay, why the hell was she at the DMV? Did she actually need to drive a car to get away from Naomi? Public transportation wasn't quick enough? [NYDN]
· PR flacks for Paris Hilton and Nick Carter insist that there's no X-rated videos of the two that may have been stolen from Paris' home two weeks ago. Truth-O-Meter says: 25% accurate. [NYDN (2nd item)]
· Mark your calendars! A September 30 trial date has been set for Courtney Love's painkiller saga. We're so excited — will she show? Will she bathe? What will she wear? [Scotsman.com]
The crisis continues: Nicky Hilton has been happily married for approximately 36 hours now and there's NO NEWS. What's going on? They have to actually be somewhere, right? Surely the couple didn't evaporate the second they exchanged their drunken vows? We've gleaned so very little since this morning:
It's easy to forget there's a second Hilton spawn. She's not always blonde, doesn't ride around the country in a pink pick-up truck, and hasn't starred in a Rick Salomon video. Nevertheless, Nicky Hilton does exist and nabbed herself a shotgun Vegas wedding early yesterday. The groom was longtime friend Todd Meister, a 33 year-old "hipster money manager" (gag). Sister Paris attended the 2:30 AM ceremony along with Bijou Phillips, who was there to provide random stabbings.
· While Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen may have paid $7.3 million for their Morton Square apartment, they re balking at forking over an extra $100K for tenant improvement costs. The fee covers building and painting walls, plus special Olsen extras like refrigerator padlocks and mirrored tables. [NYP - Lipsky-Karasz]
· Rock guitarist and professional Carmen Electra arm candy Dave Navarro is penning a tell-all book about his life. Supply, in this case, exceeds demand. [Page Six]
· We ll all sleep a little easier tonight knowing that rock progeny Jade Jagger and supermodel Kate Moss are friends again until Kate sleeps with another of Jade s boyfriends. Then it s back to bloodshed, hurrah! [Page Six]
· Who the hell is Thandie Newton? And why is she such a bitch? [NYDN - Gatecrasher]
· Keanu Reeves is reportedly engaged to a woman who can tolerate his blank stares. [IOL]
· Andy Dick: Grabbing crotches and pissing off straight men for quite a while now. [Page Six]
· In case you had any doubts, rapper P. Diddy really knows how to pick his friends. Kirk Burrowes, former president of Diddy's Bad Boy Entertainment, has been charged with laundering $1 million in drug money. (Why bother laundering a million? That barely counts.) [NYDN]
· Despite claiming to be bonking boyfriend Jason Shaw, Paris Hilton is spotted on an LA date with none other than Limp Bizkit frontman and professional jackanapes Fred Durst. Could celeb pairings get any dirtier? I threw up on my monitor a little. [Page Six]
We all knew it was coming, a calamitous moment sure to quake the celeb-o-sphere: the aesthetically pleasing but completely retarded team of Cameron Diaz and Justin Timberlake have reportedly finalized their wedding plans, according to an array of second-rate and sometimes dubious news services.
There's nary a name that makes a publicist, lawyer or journalist shudder as much as that of Mr. Tom Cruise. The Cruise-mobile is a juggernaut of clauses, riders, contracts, and agreements. In other words, gossip columnists hate him because he'll sue their asses for sneezing while he smiles sweetly for the cameras. But journalist Bill Conroy, writing to media daddy Jim Romenesko, wonders why the New York Post is now engaged in a Cruise vendetta:
We're terrible at writing blind items, but we're also terrible at getting sued. So guess with your inside voices, people!
It's all suddenly rainbows and kitty-cats for America's favorite bobble-headed cocarexic, Mary-Kate Olsen. Tabloids Star and National Enquirer are backing off their stories claiming M-K was in rehab for cocaine, not anorexia. Not because she wasn't in rehab for cocaine, mind you, but because she wasn't not in rehab for cocaine and anorexia.
Lest you forget that the National Enquirer is still the best damn "magazine" out there, we'd like to point out a snippet truly beyond compare:
