We subscribe to popbitch mostly because we like to pick up on unintelligible British slang — but every once in a while there's something in their weekly emails that totally cracks us up:

Grammar Cop: Crosstown Bus-ted [Banterist]

We can barely scratch our collective ass around Gawker HQ without opening our inbox to find another hilarious PR email regarding Chris Noth's HIGHLY PUBLICIZED TRIP TO ISRAEL, THE COUNTRY HE LOVES!!! We were genuinely happy for Chris and Israel — it's not often that two brooding hunks find each other like this. Why, then, were we banned from today's CHRIS NOTH RETURNS FROM ISRAEL press conference? We were, like, seriously going to get a few drinks in Midtown and head over for some "reporting."

Sure, we all have to revise and excise sometimes — but today we believe gossip columnist Roger Friedman lost the morning wood from today's Fox 411 Ben Affleck item. The sentence, from an impenetrable tale about Affleck having a late-night meeting with would-be First Daughter Vanessa Kerry, currently reads:

We're enjoying the site "Who's My Daddy?" quite a bit, even though we know most of the celebrity family connections mentioned. (Still, we had no idea that George Clooney was the cousin of creepy actor Miguel Ferrer. That's just gross and weird.) Someone needs to teach these brave web pioneers to make a searchable database, and then they'll have the single most useful website in the world for all of us who need to know about LeeLee Sobieski's direct line to the (currently nonexistent) throne of Poland.
Who's My Daddy? [via Chicha]

Sometimes we're jealous of Clyde Haberman, the NYT Metro columnist. He gets to wake up, have a smoke, file whatever rambling craziness is on his mind, and then get on with the next 23 hours in his day. Today's column on the subject of cool — in which Haberman launches an attack on Guy Trebay's recent style-fluff on the coolness of the untucked dress shirt — drives home the point that everyone from Malcolm Gladwell to The Fonz has made: if you don't know what cool is, you're not going to be able to find out.

Practically every morning we wake up to a press release regarding Chris Noth, AKA Sex and the City's Mr. Big, and his PR trip for the Israeli Ministry of Tourism. CHRIS NOTH FLOATS IN DEAD SEA!!! MUST INFORM MEDIA!!!

See, this project is called gum blondes! Not dumb blondes! It's a play on words! Because, like, they're all painted with gum!
Gum Blondes [via New Yorkish]

The estrogen tide at the NY Observer has reached a consensus: emo boys suck. With their 'Tee hee, I outgrew my nifty too-small thin-lapelled blazer' outfits, their willingness to make first date disclosures about being poorly endowed, and their repressed sexual hostilities, the emo-boy subset of hipsterdom has gotta go. Complains an ex-emo-dater:

Who has brokered the peace between Ethan Hawke and Uma Thurman? If Chelsea's favorite separated duo Etha and Uman can have a happy dinner with the kids, can a resolution on the Gaza Strip be far behind? Says a fashion-obsessed spy:

Is this your shoe? If so, that means you were in Central Park last night, blabbing about the Hamptons and your publishing job during the free concert. The nice strangers next to you stole one of your shoes because you don't know when the hell to shut up. Their confession follows.

· Star slams the NY Post over 'Boozer Britney' front page hubbub. Star]
· LA Mag's Amy Wallace returns to the LA Times, ready to kick some NYT ass. [LA Weekly]
· The Emmys: a giant fucking trainwreck. [Out of Focus]
· Guess the blind items on the Other (uglier, grosser) Coast. [Defamer]
· What's so great about Wilco? Dude: nothing. [Slate]
· The Xtina Aguilera-is-going-bald rumor continues to float. [IMDB]
· Fake sunlight illuminates facade of fake-bake salon. [New Yorkish]

The NY Post, of all places, refers us to a new site called Break Up News, where short announcements may be posted regarding the termination of love affairs. Yay!

Some party at chat-show hostess/former mag publisher Tina Brown's last night, eh? We keep hearing the most hilarious stories! Did you hear the one about critic and chronic-batterer Stanley Crouch? He was overheard talking about his recent physical assault on critic Dale Peck (2nd item), saying that he "had the distinct feeling that if I hit him a few more times, he'd say thank you and call me his daddy." That's so sweet! Between this kind of gay-baiting claptrap, his propensity for punching co-workers, and the ill-regard he's held in by a number of female editors for his tacky behavior with them, we're surprised the dude still gets work at all!

Yow, that Britney Spears sure is a lush! Check her out, chugging down the ginseng energy drink on the cover of the Post — just like she was in The Sun the other day. (The Sun referred to the beverage as "whiskey"). When will poor Britney end this crippling reliance on Asian herbs and extracts???
'Boozer' Britney [NYP]

Among many recent legal letters, we were most impressed by those from representatives of Cameron Diaz, regarding her recent litigation with some nasty man who is trying to make money marketing a video that, from descriptions, shows Ms. Diaz topless. We're thinking they must get paid by the word — either that or they're trying to stretch their billable hours. Seriously, endless.

· A meditation on coke, weight loss, and celebrity. Featuring everyone's favorite twin!
· Britney Spears' first husband tells all, sort of. (N.B. Hot bathroom sex!)
· Chris Kattan bails out of? gets fired from? otherwise leaves? Lincoln Center Theater's The Frogs. Guess he wants to follow fellow SNL'er Jimmy Fallon's career non-trajectory.
· Is there anyone still alive to read this? There were eleven murders in New York City this weekend.
· Vote it up in the Superhottie of the Federal Judiciary Contest!
· Random thought of the day regarding NYT chief film critic A.O. (Tony) Scott, from a reader who actually watches Charlie Rose: "I sort/of saw Tony on sort/of Charlie Rose sort/of last week and I was sort/of dismayed that sort/of Tony had fallen sort/of victim to this sort/of mutation of sort/of Britspeak. He needs sort/of help."

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Our Swedish Correspondent writes in with more disturbing Paris Hilton tabloid travails (and hilarious translation). Paris Hilton, say the tabs, was accosted by a stranger and called a whore in a 7/11! Yes, I know! They have 7/11s in Sweden! That is so wack.

It's a little outside our purview, but we can't resist goofy translations of tabloid coverage of Paris Hilton as she takes on Sweden. Strangely, Paris claims that she wants Nick Carter to propose to her. (Is it Britney envy?)